Friday, March 31, 2006

Putting Together An A-Team


The weekend is fast approaching and soon it will be time for a hunt of legendary proportions. After a bit of research, a have discovered that not only will I have to worry about chupacabras, but there is the possibility of having to deal with Bigfoots, and possibly hostile extraterrestrial beings. (Click here, here, and here for a little background.)

After this research, I decided that if I were to go it alone, then there was a great chance of me biting off more than I could chew. Therefore I decided that I must build an elite team of hunters, men both bold and brave, men that would fear nothing, men ready to take on the strange and unnatural, and men who could pony up and help split their liquor store bill. I have enlisted the help of my friends, the phearless Phred, the cunning Cleveland, and my brothers Big D the Bold, and the crafty Crazy Dan.

This week I have also been busy putting the final touches on outfitting the group with a dazzling array of sophisticated technology including night vision goggles, and high-tech listening devices. Since we are all honest to God rednecks we are all packing heat of our own but I decided to order this sophisticated weapon to aid in our hunt. Angry Joyce insisted on packing us sandwiches just in case the hunt did not go as planned, for as she said, "Y'all are going to spend more time getting drunk than actually hunting and I would hate to see those guys starve on your crazy-assed wild goose chase." Oh, she will eat her words as I come home with the carcasses of chupacabras and Bigfoots and receive the glory of taking aliens hostage to the fanfare of the masses.

So wish us well and wish us luck. Today we may be simple rednecks but tomorrow we may be heroes or heroic corpses. We fear neither man nor beast nor things that go bump in the night but I do fear for our livers.

46 comments:

Anelize said...

Just don't fall out of the stand. Wouldn't want you to land on a nasty pile of bigfoot poop or sumthin' like that. Have fun!

Ben Heller said...

You'll be back to tell us your findings then, so obviously Dick Cheney's not going with you.

You might find The Phoenix lurking around in the scrub looking for Bigfoot.

phred said...

'' I don`t know,
But I been told,
That little winged creature
Ain`t got no soul''.

Man, I am sooo pumped for this..yeah, gonna kill something !

OORAH !!! OORAH !!!

Dr. Cissa Fireheart said...

LMFAO!!

Good luck on the hunting trip, boys...

and if you DO chatch a chupacabra, what are you going to do with it? Eat it? Donate it to science?

If you do eat it, you'll have to make sure to describe to us all what it tastes like, Fuzz.....

be safe! Don't shoot your foot! and all that other female worrying crap....

David Amulet said...

You've got the goggles and the listening devices, but what about the heavy firearms? I suggest taking along some weapons from Doom. Protect yourself!

-- david

whoami929 said...

Good luck mighty hunters! You make your women folk proud! Godspeed!

kornfedrednek said...

My wish is for the A team to catch the biggest, and the baddest critters you come across.
check this site
http://www.armourofamerica.com/marine-armor.htm

may the force be with you

siren said...

I can't wait to hear this :) Best of luck, men. Remember, it's ok to ask for directions. I'll wait for your safe return ;)

Mimi said...

When you are on the cover of the tabloids for catching your chucpacabras, I can proudly say I know you!

Have a great and safe trip!

angel, jr. said...

Have fun and be safe!!!
Hopefully you'll get to tell us whether or not chupacabra taste like the chicken they use in Chinese take-out.

Vic said...

Don't forget a bottle to pee in. You don't want to be leaving that scent on the ground!

Perplexio said...

fuzzbox: What about Phoenix's urgings to take one alive? Will you be bringing any tranquilizer guns/darts and cages for capture? Or is this going to be a search (get drunk) and destroy mission?

At any rate I wish you the best of luck in your hunt and I congratulate you on your formation of an A-Team... Does that mean I should start calling you Hannibal? And which in your posse are Mad Murdock, B.A., and Face? Do you have a cool black van with a red spoiler?

Green Eyes said...

Woo Hoo! Four strapping men going on a hunt. Hot stuff guys!

I want me one of those sling shots!

The Phoenix said...

I have constructed a special cage, should you catch a Chupa alive. If you must kill it, I know a good taxidermist.

Just one word of advice...

When you're wearing the night vision goggles, make sure nobody lights up a match near your face. Not good.

Big D said...

I'm geared up and ready to go.

abzbwbs is my word veirfication and How can I put this hunt any more eloquent the that?

Sherri said...

LOL! Good luck on the hunt!!!

:P fuzzbox said...

anelize: Thanks for the advice. That would be a terrible fate.

ben: If a guy can't tell a bird from a man, then I am sure he would mistake big d for a bigfoot. We will be careful to avoid rubbing out any innocent bystanders.

phred: I am ready to rumble!!!!

cissa: Not only will I describe the taste, I will attempt to make a fortune formulatting a cookbook.

david: Don't worry we have enough arsonal to attack a small country. Redneck style.

who am i: Just trying to make the world a safer place then how we found it.

kfrednek: Thanks for the link. Live long and prosper.

siren: If I get to carjack one of those UFO's, I am going to ask for directions. I am a pretty good job of how to get from here to there here on earth but I don't know about out there.

:P fuzzbox said...

mimi: I can't wait to have my smiling mug on Weekly World News.

angel jr: Sweet and sour chupacabra, that sounds tasty.

vic: Thanks, I wasn't thinking about that. Maybe a five gallon water bottle each would work for us.

perplexio: That is one of the ideas behind the lasar targeted slingshot. I figure that I can knock one or two goofy and still catch a mess big enough to feed the A-team.

We don't have a flashy van, although Cleveland does have a purty truck with a 'No fat chicks allowed.' bumper sticker. That's eye-catching.

green eyes: I hope it will do the trick.

phoenix: Great word of advice. And really apt as crazy dan has a bad habit of lighting his farts. That would burn your retinas out.

big d: It says it all.

sherri: Thanks we may need all the luck that we can get.

Ranea said...

Will you be wearing a safety vest? I don't know if chubacabras can tell color or not but if they can it would make it harder to sneak up on them.

Hot n Spicy Chubacabra. Tasty

Crazy Dan said...

I am going to make bigfoot my bitch and instead of finding out how the chupa tastes I am going to give it a taste of my cock!

Tai said...

As I've oft been heard to say..."Don't let fear or common sense stop you!"

:P fuzzbox said...

ranea: I think the orange vests might attract any gay Bigfoots in the area. I would fear for the safety and sactity of my fellow hunters if that were to happen.

crazy dan: With that kind of spirit, we can't fail.

tai: Commen sense and myself have an understanding. It leaves me alone and I leave it alone.

Jim said...

alcohol, guns, Texans, at loose in the wilderness, always a good idea! I had a friend who tried to shoot the Marfa Lights, as I recall ample quantities of Wild Turkey were involved.

the weirdgirl said...

Good Luck boys! Just don't act TOO much like rednecks. It's those fellas who always get abducted and anally probed.

Spider Girl said...

I love the Charlie Brown music on the laser sling-shot advertisement...

jane said...

LOL Did you really buy that slingshot for hunting? You really are a redneck, huh?

Big Ben said...

a little sunscreen should clear that neck up. Don't kill the extra terrestrials if they are hot chick aliens.

T said...

You are missing one key ingredient to making the hunt a success: A YANKEE! Thanks for the input to Fuzz. The gears are turning now with a couple ideas.

cleveland said...

dude i am siked about this hunt polsihed my gun "lucille" and she is ready for some chupa wings hot and spicy or original recipe it does matter after plenty of alchol its all and glad crazy dan is there to run the bigfeet off and big d to attract them go a-team

Laurie said...

I can't wait to hear the "one that got away" stories ;-)

michaelm said...

Hey Fuzz-

Sounds like a weekend of high quality entertainment. Don't shoot your eye out...

~m

Laurie said...

btw, I think that I would be afraid to go out in the woods with Crazy Dan... LOL

Rocky said...

Good luck on the hunt, Fuzz. I hope you bag a 30-point Jackelope!

RAVEN the PITA said...

If you're taking requests I want one of them Chupathingies!!!! Have fun - don't shoot your eye out!

yep, it's me.... said...

u can't shoot a chupacabra -

:P fuzzbox said...

Just back from the hunting trip and thought I would check in with everyone.

jim: Marfa lights and Wild Turkey. It just doesn't get any better than that.

weirdgirl: Thanks for the advice. I hope you will stay tuned to see if your advice paid off.

spider girl: That was a surreal choice of music for the site.

jane: From the eyebrows down.

big ben: Hot alien chicks would be nice to find.

t: Get after it bud. I know that you will make it work. Give me a holler when you get it cranked up.

laurie: I would fear being with Crazy Dan alone in the brush a little more if I were a goat.

michael: I left my Red Ryder B-B Gun at the house. Have no fear.

rocky: Thanks, I appreciate it.

raven: Wouldn't they look cute sitting on the mantel.

velma: Don't be such a doubter. If Scooby and Shaggy can get one, you have to like the odds.

:P fuzzbox said...

cleveland: I knew that I should have asked you and phred to leave those damned laptops at the house.

Shay said...

Good luck!
Don't shoot your foot!!

LisaBinDaCity said...

I think I'm getting turned on hehe!

Manly men - YUM ;-)

:P fuzzbox said...

shay: I was careful. Safety first.

lisa b: You are too sweet.

starbender said...

Boy, I hit this post late! *sigh*
The hunt is probably over! I hope U guys took pictures! Manly Men on the Hunt!
:)

Keshi said...

Hunting for Chupacabra? :) best of luck mate!

Keshi.

April said...

okay...I've been humming the theme from "A-team" the whole time I read your post. Damn you! ;-)

How'd the hunting trip go??

:P fuzzbox said...

starbender: The hunt is over. I have finished Part One of 'The Hunt'. It will be up in the morning.

keshi: Thanks, I'll let you know tomorrow how it went.

april: Dun Dun Da Dun Dun. Phunny. Check back tomorrow for Part One.

Curare_Z said...

I hope the hunt went well and many Chupas and bigfeet were captured and stuffed for our viewing pleasure.

:P fuzzbox said...

cz: The story has a few twists. Hope you enjoy it.