Friday, March 31, 2006
Putting Together An A-Team
The weekend is fast approaching and soon it will be time for a hunt of legendary proportions. After a bit of research, a have discovered that not only will I have to worry about chupacabras, but there is the possibility of having to deal with Bigfoots, and possibly hostile extraterrestrial beings. (Click here, here, and here for a little background.)
After this research, I decided that if I were to go it alone, then there was a great chance of me biting off more than I could chew. Therefore I decided that I must build an elite team of hunters, men both bold and brave, men that would fear nothing, men ready to take on the strange and unnatural, and men who could pony up and help split their liquor store bill. I have enlisted the help of my friends, the phearless Phred, the cunning Cleveland, and my brothers Big D the Bold, and the crafty Crazy Dan.
This week I have also been busy putting the final touches on outfitting the group with a dazzling array of sophisticated technology including night vision goggles, and high-tech listening devices. Since we are all honest to God rednecks we are all packing heat of our own but I decided to order this sophisticated weapon to aid in our hunt. Angry Joyce insisted on packing us sandwiches just in case the hunt did not go as planned, for as she said, "Y'all are going to spend more time getting drunk than actually hunting and I would hate to see those guys starve on your crazy-assed wild goose chase." Oh, she will eat her words as I come home with the carcasses of chupacabras and Bigfoots and receive the glory of taking aliens hostage to the fanfare of the masses.
So wish us well and wish us luck. Today we may be simple rednecks but tomorrow we may be heroes or heroic corpses. We fear neither man nor beast nor things that go bump in the night but I do fear for our livers.