I like infomercials. It is an affliction I suppose. I never buy the crap that they are shelling out. For me, they are simple mindless entertainment of a special kind that allows me to turn off the stresses of the day. The thing that amazes me the most about them is how they can find such a plethora of down on their luck actors. How these actors can sit there and smile gracefully while stooping so low is a wonder in and of itself.My favorite infomercial came out about 10 years ago and featured a barbeque grill that ran off newspaper. This is the most tempted that I have ever been to actually buy some of their crap. I caught myself reaching for the phone on countless occasions but alas I never bought one. It is kind of sad thinking that I will never know the taste of a brisket flavored with the news of the day.
Last night while watching a little boob tube, I came across an infomercial for Cross Crunch. It is a ab exercising device that can be yours for only two payments of $29.99, but wait they will make one payment for you. So it can be yours for under 30 bucks plus shipping and handling but wait. They will also send you another Cross Crunch for free, if you call in the next thirty seconds.
Why do you need two? You can use only one at a time. Maybe you could send one to a family member or friend. Nothing says 'Luv ya fatass" like the gift of exercise equipment. If I wait long enough, I might be able to pick up a couple at Walgreen's. They have a whole aisle dedicated to 'Seen on TV' crap. Can't wait to spread some of that 'Luv ya FatAss' luv come Christmastime. But knowing my luck, I will receive this damn thing come Christmastime. It will be added to my collection of received Info-crap, which includes a onion blossom maker, a deer whistle, a coin sorter, and heated socks. And no Crazy Dan, these are not gift ideas.
*************************
Update on Chupacabra Story
For the actual report of the Chupacabra incident in my Sunday Posting. Click Here. It is about midway down the page and is titled, 'Flesh Colored Creature Spotted Near Dickens, Texas---Chupacabra.' Be sure and click on the Bigfoot spotted in Dickens County link at the start of this story while over there. My hunting trip is going to kick ass this weekend. Hell who knows I might even be able to set up guided hunts. I am soo freakin' stoked!!!
As a little background into the story this is the same woman that reported seeing a UFO land in the yard of the correctional facility a few years back when she was working the tower as a night shift guard. So she is a certified UFO watcher or some other type of certifacation.
22 comments:
My favorites are the weight loss ones where the people cry about how great it is to be in touch with their skinny selves. And any infomercial involved Chuck Norris just rocks.
But, it is not just down and out actors do these. Sometimes their just down: I saw P. Diddy (or whatever he is going by these days) and Jessica Simpson both on the same informercial for Proactiv.
I'll have to differ with you here Fuzz as I can't stand those crapomercials, especially the ones where they holler at you like they are so fucking excited that you may actually buy some of the craptacular products they nearly jump out of their skin (which, conversely, I would watch). As for gift ideas, though, how about the one in the pic you have, that looks like the gift that keeps on giving...
By the way, your word verification for me is "FUBAR". No shit.
cz: Chuck Norris is the King of the infomercial second only to Ron Popeil in his mastery of the art form.
mimi: Maybe that is why they make one payment for you. Bastards.
ranea: You wouldn't regift would you. I hope you dont send me that bedazzler.
ozy: They aren't for everybody, I suppose. The girl in the picture is Alicia from Survivor: Australia and Survivor: All Stars. I could think of no other celebraty that better exemplifies great abs.
Fubar, huh, those word verifacation people are weird. I had taken word verifacation out and it was doing fine until this weekend. A spambot hit hard everytime I deleted the message it would double after I had four on my screen I had enough and added word verifacation back. My apologies to everyone for these goofy letters.
I like a new one that just came out for seaweed. Swear to God! Some guy sits there with a shit eating grin talking about how eating seaweed has improved his life for the past 20 years.
It apparently makes you regular, improves your sex life, thickens your hair, and brings you out of depression. LOL!
kfrednek: I like the infomercial about the mattress myself. But I wonder if it sends the wrong message to our youth. They will try this on their own and spill wine. Promoting spilled wine is a bad thing to get into since it is just plain alcohol abuse. And don't worry about spelling. Mine can get pretty bad in the comment section since I don't have the luxury of spell check on them.
sherri: If seaweed can do all that I need to get a wheelbarrow load of the stuff.
ranea: I'm looking for a few good people to start up the band. You looking for a new gig.
It's only a matter of time before a religion/cult arises of people who religiously watch infomercials. Ron Popeil will be their Lord & Savior, all of their meals will be made using his various kitchen gadgets, at night they will sleep on buckwheat husk pillows, they will exercise using Thighmasters and Gazelles, and they will clean their homes laundry and dishes with OxyClean products....
It's just a matter of time... mark my words.
ranea: That guy has one hell of a gig doesn't he.
perplexio: If you hear of one starting up it would be good to get on the ground floor. They are the last ones to drink the kool-aid.
ben: Tony Little was his name. And he is in a new Geico commercial. And I am guessing Crystal Meth. Noone is that damned bouncy.
Ranea got a rhinestone machine???
That is so damn funny, lmao. I'd go around trying to rhinestone everything! Could come in useful for a Halloween costume!
and, when whatever it was arrives, you know the UPS guy knows what it is and thinks "sucker"
Infomercials?? Bleaghh...I will tell you I can't stand them but am usually drawn in to one or two.
I absolutely HATE the exercise ones with the blonde guy with the pony tail. Grrr...
Heated socks? I think those sound cool! I wonder if they make heated bras. Now wouldn't that be steamin'? I gave Tarzan a coin sorter, but I didnt see it on T.V. and he does take rolls of coins to the bank. Do you think it was cheesy? Cuz no, he really doesn't use it. *sigh*
And onion blossom maker sounds kinda cool too. A deer whistle? Do they run to you when you whistle? Keep it away from Cheney!
green eyes: I think that the first thing that I would bedazzle would be my drawers. I doubt that Angry Joyce could resist my bedazzled drawers.
jim: Yeah, the UPS guys probably get a good laugh at the expense of all the suckers buying this crap.
siren: Thats just what I need for the chupacabra hunt. Some ass kickin' britches. We don't take off for spelling so don't worry about it.
jane: Deer whistles are installed to the hood of your vehicle to keep deer from running out in the road so you won't hit them. In all actuallity the deer freezes when he hears the whistle. So if the deer is in the road he will freeze there. Kind of a damned if you do and damned if you don't kind of situation.
Fuzz, flashy drawers, eh? I'm sure Joyce wouldn't be able to resist that! Turn on the strobe lights and start twinkling!
Fuzz: This is unrelated but I just noticed on the cover of Bust magazine there's a picture of Betty Page. In the magazine there's an interview with Gretchen Mol about what it was like to portray Betty in the biopic she recently starred in.
Oh, and if you're not familiar with Bust (and until the Betty Page cover jumped out at me, I wasn't really familiar with it myself) it's the "Magazine for Women with something to get off their chest." ;-) Now that's the kind of women's magazine I wouldn't mind if my wife left laying around. ;-)
If you see a Chupacabra, just remember to wound it - don't kill it. We need it alive.
Also, Chupacabra's don't speak Spanish. They speak Puerto Rican ;)
green eyes: It will be a sight to behold.
perplexio: Thanks for the update on the Betty Page movie. I appreciate it. I will try to get this mag. Sounds like some good stuff.
ranea: She even had access to weapons. That is really scary.
phoenix: By the sound of the reports, I'm liable to bag not only some chupacabras but some Bigfoots, and a passel of aliens. Damn I'm ready for this hunting expedition.
INstead of getting a ttto I am just going to bedazzle things into my skin. By the way that crazy bitch used to watch everyone through the scope in the rifle. Pretty scary thought isnt it.
** 'Luv ya FatAss'
lol Fuzz!
Keshi.
Bigfoot, Chupa, and aliens...OH MY!
crazy dan: I wonder how hard it would be to actually fail their phsych test out there.
keshi: Thanks. Just trying to spread the luv.
phoenix: It's shaping up to be an expedition of a lifetime.
If anoyone has the free Crunch Ab Thingie just sitting around, please send it to me. I'll use it a few times and then let it collect dust in my garage.
Infomercials make everything sound so wonderful. If I watch them, I feel like I can't live without their product.
jamie dawn: You could always Oxy-Clean it when it got too dusty.
Post a Comment