Tuesday, March 21, 2006

My Perfect Grocery List ( Or Why Angry Joyce Doesn't Let Me Shop Alone)



Breakfast Items
Cheerios
One pound of Bacon
Bag of Fun Size Snickers
Thirty Pack of Budweiser

Lunch Items
One Pound of Bologna
One Loaf of Wonder Bread
One Giant Size Bag Of Skittles
Six Pack of Olde English 800

Mid-Day Snack Items
Microwave Popcorn - Extra Butter
Large Bag of Beef Jerky
Bottle of Jack Daniels
Kool Aid - Assorted Flavors

Dinner Items
Frozen Pizza
Steak
Taters
Cardboard Kegger of Sparkling Muskatel - The premiere Wine of Idaho

Sexual Supplies
Large Bottle of Wesson Oil
30 gallon trashbags
One can of Redi-Whip
One bottle of Hershey's chocolate Syrup
One case of Boones Farm Strawberry Hill
Clothes Pins

Now I am wondering one thing. Who will be the first to correctly guess the West Texas sexual activity involving 30 gallon trashbags? For all those wondering about the pic, The pig is the Piggly Wiggly Supermarket mascot.

39 comments:

Ben Heller said...

Where's the vegetables and salad Fuzz ?

haha

April said...

protecting the sheets??

It's all I got.

Curare_Z said...

Boones Farm Strawberry Hill?! Fuzz -- you take me back to high school, when that's all we could smuggle out of the 7-11! HA HA HA HA

Fuckkit said...

Surely a more suitable breakfast would be the remains of last nights curry and that half bottle of wine you saved?

:P fuzzbox said...

ben: Taters are the all purpose veggie. They can be fried, baked, mashed, or even made into a soup. It is the only veggie you will ever need.

april: Guess again. You missed by a country mile. Valient effert though.

cz: I must give credit where credit is due. Angry Joyce previewed my post and asked why I didn't stick in Boones. I must admit when I was in High School it was like an aphrodesiac for the girls.

fukkit: Save wine?

Mimi said...

Are you gonna spread the trash bags on the bed and then put the oil on it so you can slip and slide around? I actually knew someone who did that one! BTW, your list made me hungry!

Vic said...

We have the Pig here too, but the logo is different.

Now about those bags...my first guess would be "protection" but you specified the big ones. Am I to assume you Texas boys use the XXL condoms? I don't know. I'm stumped and I'm very, very ashamed. I thought I knew all about doin the nasty...

ozymandiaz said...

30 gallon trash bags hugh?
Let's see, what can that be used for? Obviously if you were to have an oil party on the bed you would use a plastic tarp. As for the bags; there is asphyxiation (dangerous kink), golden showers (better in the bathtub), some for of altered cellophane fetish (just not very form fitting), some weird shake and bake roll playing (that could get messy), giant whip-its, one hell of a dental dam, poke holes for your head and arms so you can rip your clothes off, put the bag over some farm animals head so they won’t run off (now that’s getting sick, especially combined with the asphyxiation thing), clothing protection for bukake (did I spell that right), …
Oh, I give up.

The Phoenix said...

The Piggly Wiggly...holy crap. I can't believe Super Wal-Mart hasn't put them out of business yet.

The trashbags can help make sure you don't get oil on your nice carpets.

jane said...

Ozy knows too much. Boone's Farm, heehee the stories I could tell about our days with Boone's Farm. That or Annie Green Springs? That stuff tasted like shit, and smelled like it too if you were the one who had to clean it up in the back of your best friend's boyfriends camper in order to get a f*cking ride home! Gawd, if I never smell that stuff again it will be too soon.
As for the plastic bags, nobody is that big.

Anonymous said...

Fuzz, my mind is racing with all the possibilities! lol

*cracking up at Ozy, too funny!*

Green Eyes said...

Hey! That anon was me Fuzz, sorry. Lack of sleep is my defense!

Green Eyes said...

Hey! That anon was me Fuzz, sorry. Lack of sleep is my defense!

Sherri said...

hmmm.... on the edge of my seat here. LOL

trash bags and wesson oil are one thing, but add in hersheys syrup, ready whip, boones farm, and clothes pins??

Bruce said...

One Pound of Bologna
One Loaf of Wonder Bread
One Giant Size Bag Of Skittles
Six Pack of Olde English 800


Now, that's my idea of a lunch!

:P fuzzbox said...

mimi: Woo Hoo, you are correct although the trash bags do not have to be on a bed. You can stick 'em in the floor or even your back yard if you are feeling particularly frisky. The correct nomenclature is 'Redneck Nekkid Slip-n-Slide.

vic: XXL!!! If I had to have a 30 gallon trashbag, I doubt I could get 20 feet from Angry Joyce.

ozy: I like the way you think!!!

phoenix: Gotta luv Pigs parking lots. In most all rural towns it was the place to be on a Saturday Night.

jane: Never heard of Annie Green Springs but I once ran out of Bud and had to start drinking the girl's beverage of choice Malt Duck in the Strawberry Flavor. I have never been so sick in my life.

green eyes: Getting rather prolific with the comments today. Gotta love Blogger. Confusing buggers on the delay of posting sometimes.

sherri: Gotta luv playing with your food.


Now I am wondering who can guess where the reference to 'the premeire wine of Idaho' comes from?

:P fuzzbox said...

bruce: It is the most important meal of the day so it is important to get the best nutrition possible.

siren said...

Fuzz - I like the way you shop! It looks like you've incorporated the four basic food groups for each meal.

guerrilla blogger said...

sounds like a damn good list to me...except i did not see the large bag of "steak and onion flavored potato chips"...

Fuckkit said...

Good point. How foolish of me ;)

:P fuzzbox said...

siren: It's like the redneck food pyrimid huh.

gb: I suppose that I should have seperated the taters out into fresh and bags of goodness. But I forgot the damned Cheetos. I knew I would forget something. I always have to go back to that place.

fukkit: Brief oversight don't beat yourself up over it. I once saved some wine. A friend of mine hit a curve really fast. Thankfully I managed to catch the bottle before any of it spilled.

phred said...

I can`t believe I`m commenting on a grocery list.....
Seems like you included the most important food group, Beer.
Some flamin pork skins would be good.

I never use the large trash bags myself. I use plastic drop cloths.

Jim said...

Your list is the same as mine, except switch the Breakfast Items for the Sexual Suppies, and add what you have as sexual supplies to the Mid-Day Snack Items. I don't eat breakfast, but I otherwise stay very busy. :)

The guys who come in and take inventory in the Piggle Wiggly Stores call it "going on a pig run" -- so the rest of us call going to do any grocery shopping "going on a pig run"

Keshi said...

Trash bags? lol I have no idea.


**Clothes Pins

??

I'm clueless in most of what u listed...:(

Keshi.

:P fuzzbox said...

phred: Sometimes you do need the room I will admit.

jim: They are fun size. And Pig run sounds cool.

keshi: Clothespins are just my little ode to redneck b&d.

Keshi said...

**redneck b&d

lost again :(

Keshi.

cleveland said...

nice list but which one gets to use the clothes pins and where

:P fuzzbox said...

keshi: Chips, dips, chains, whips. You know phun and games.

cleveland: As Happy Liz might tell you. Any where your heart desires big boy.

phlegmfatale said...

Everything a growing boy requires!

LisaBinDaCity said...

I would love to hear your cholesterol levels ;-)

Cool list by the way, if only...

jay lassiter said...

Thanks for the Piggley Wiggley photo. As a son of the south living as a Yankee, that image sparked all sorts of nostalgic memories.
I wonder if if still as easy to shoplift in there as it was when i was a kid:D

RAVEN the PITA said...

You know I'm coming up with all kinds of fun games to have with those trashbags and condiments!!

Phred maybe instead of old fukker I should call you Big Daddy?? Naaaahhh....

:P fuzzbox said...

pf: All my growing now is bound to be sideways if I stick to this diet.

lisa: Thanks, I do not believe in cholestoral levels. Grease only makes blood slide faster.

jay: I would think that it is harder everywhere. The cameras eye is upon us wherever we are. Thanks for dropping by.

pita: Old phucker fits best doesn't it?

michaelm said...

Fuzz-

You are a frickin' eating and drinking machine...
We need to do lunch someday.
btw- You forgot to get the Pork Rinds...
Before reading the comments, I was thinking the plastic bags could possibly be some sort of strange "body condom"...
Hmm...

~m

:P fuzzbox said...

michael; Lunch would be great. Bring the pork rinds and I'll bring a couple of six packs.

Keshi said...

lol ok I think I know :):)

Keshi.

Shay said...

what's the wesson oil for?

RAVEN the PITA said...

You know I really must be going in the wrong direction with the whole trashbag thing cuz I'm thinking along the lines of all kinds of big ass slip 'n' slides while everyone else is thinkin body condom! LOL

:P fuzzbox said...

keshi: I knew that you would get it.

shay and pita: Mimi was the first to successfully guess the use of trash bags and they are used in conjunction with Wesson oil. Spread out the trash bags, douse it in Wesson oil and voila Nekkid Slip-n-Slide.