Goin' Huntin'

Friday night while working the night shift, I worked with an employee who is possibly the most gullible human being that I have ever known. It helps that he is not the sharpest tack in the posterboard but his gullibility stretches beyond even that excuse. He came up to me during the night and told me that I need to be careful while driving to work on the route that I must take. He was told that someone had reported having seen and attacked by a chupacabra.

I gave him my best blank stare and asked just what he had heard. He replied that a nine year old girl and her mother were traveling down this road and spotted a chupacabra sitting on a fencepost. As they passed it, the chupacabra jumped from the fencepost and chased the vehicle. I told him that I was sure that the whole chupacabra thing was bunk and even if there was such a thing that they have never been reported to be this far north.

Now I am not so sure. I suppose that there are strange and unexplained things in the world. Furthermore if some inbred redneck is going to be the first to actually bag a real life chupacabra then it might as well be me. ( In defence of my family, I should clarify my family tree does fork but I am a redneck.) So next weekend I am going hunting for a chupacabra.

I haven't decided on the best route to take on this little venture. At first I was thinking of staking out a place alongside of a bunch of goats at a goat ranch located along this road and disguise myself as a goat. I started thinking that this might not be the best of ideas as some drunk redneck with a goat fetish might come along and I would become entangled in my goat suit. Then I would be literally and figuratively fucked. But I have all week to plan my attack so any chupacabra in the area better watch their ass.

I am also questioning what caliber weapon it would take to bring one down. I have seen these things in a movie and damn do they look tough. I would need a large enough caliber to bring him down without damaging the meat. My dad always told me that whatever critter you killed, you better be prepared to eat it as killing should be reserved for food purposes. Although killing an occasional varmit such as a coyote is perfectly acceptable. But as chupacabra's are probably considered an endangered animal, I had better be prepared to fire up the grill and donate his bones and innards for scientific study.

Wish me luck folks. Maybe I should give The Phoenix a holler as he is more versed in these sort of things than I am. Then again his experience is with Bigfoots and I would imagine that Bigfoots probably aren't near as fierce as chupacabras. I have seen "Harry and The Henderson's" and frankly I thought Harry the Bigfoot was a big puss.