Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Mask


Now that most of my at home online activities are spent in the pursuit of being a blog whore, I have very little time pursuing what a got broad band for in the first place; free porn. Yes, free porn and broadband internet are two terms that many find synonymous. Dial up just does not cut it for porn. The gradual bit by bit unmasking of the picture takes eons and don't even think about video. Waiting for video to download on dial up is worse than sitting through thirty minutes of commercials, while waiting for a movie to start up in a theatre.

I do not know why but lying sick and feverish in my bed Monday afternoon, I found my mind thinking about a site that I once was prone to browse through on occasion. The site featured normal guys wearing a mask and photographed and video-taped having sex with porn starlets. The site was free but for a nominal sum each month, you could become a member. Membership entitled one to have their name placed in the sweepstakes. If your name was randomly selected, then you could don the mask and be the next man to be on the site having sex from among a bevy of porn starlets. It was pornography's answer to reality T.V.'s, 'The bachelor', with a little bit of 'Beauty and The Geek' thrown in for good measure. Why this idea hasn't transcended to cable television is beyond me.

I could never personally become a member of this site and risk winning the sweepstakes. First of all, I am afraid that I would have a terrible case of stagefright. I don't even like to piss in the urinal of a crowded restroom. (I just hate embarrassing others ;) And secondly, Angry Joyce would do Lorena Bobbitt one better. Not only would she cut off my pecker but would stick it in the blender and make a cock milkshake. Lastly, and you can take this to the bank, if I am on video giving Jenna Jamison all that I got, I will want the whole wide world to see my face.

I know what your asking. Where's the link? Find it yourselves. I am responsible for no ones perversion except my own. Angry Joyce is firing up the damned blender already. I do not need anyone else pissed about this post.

23 comments:

siren said...

Wow, I'll never look at a blender (or milkshakes) the same way again. Thanks for the ideas! :)

I hope you're feeling better.

Mimi said...

Been awhile since I heard Lorena Bobbitt mentioned! :)

Big D said...

The site is http://www.bethemask.com/ and just for refrence it's not free they just have free samples.

:P fuzzbox said...

siren: Thanks, I am feeling a bit better.

mimi: When you are married to a woman called Angry Joyce, it stays on your mind.

big d: You are so anal about your porn ;)

Green Eyes said...

A cock milkshake eh? Go Joyce! lol

whoami929 said...

I can't believe that's a real site. God bless America! I'm with you, if I ever get to hop in the sack with Jenna I'm going to be wearing an effin sign around my neck with my name on it!

Ranea said...

Just wait til Angry Joyce see this post of yours. I would bet that she'll be on you like a cheap suit.LOL

Mimi said...

Hey I just remembered, Lorena's ex started making his own porn after it was reattached! LOL! Be careful though Fuzz, I hope that isn't your fate! :)

:P fuzzbox said...

green eyes: Hey now, don't give her any more ideas :)

whoami: And the sign would have a great big smiley face on it.

ranea: But she luvs me. I'm just soo phunny.

mimi: Yes he did. Don't see me having that fate after my manhood has been blenderized. Maybe a D.Q. commercial though.

Ann Alsex said...

Fuxxie, I can help you with that stage fright ;D

tubawench said...

Wow is all I can say of that site. Off topic: The "Whup somebody's ass" song is by Paul Thorn. It's on the Bob and Tom Show CD entitled "Camel Toe," along with some other hilarious comedic musical endeavors. I noticed you added me to your "friends of fuzz" list. *sniff, sniff* I am now inspired to keep up on my blogging. I recently found a wireless location near the office where I work. It should be easier now.

:P fuzzbox said...

ann: You say the sweetest things :)

twench: I luv the Camel Toe Song. I will have to check out that other tune. Good deal on the wireless connection. Your comment section still calls my IP address spam. Maybe it knows something I don't.

David Amulet said...

If I were you, I'd run away for a few days. Best to let that blender -- and temper behind it -- cool down.

-- david

Laurie said...

Dude, I am drinking a smoothie right now that I just made in the blender.. LOL

Keshi said...

ewwww I dun think I'll ever drink a milkshake with joy(ce) anymore lol!

Keshi.

:P fuzzbox said...

david: I have learned the ways of cooling Angry Joyces temper. It is all in my online name :P fuzzbox. Works every time. :)

laurie: At least you didn't mention a small cocktail.

keshi: That would probably be wise.

angel, jr. said...

Lorena. Wow flash to the past.

Rocky said...

Haha, the cock milkshake - ouch! Great post.
Do you get to pick your own mask to wear, or does the porn starlet? I'd hate to go to this site and see Jar Jar Binks doing Jenna Jameson. I'm not going to take that chance and let him ruin another movie for me...

cleveland said...

cool fuzz back to the roots of the internet i went to a site where the guy wore e.t. mask and what was going on i dont think he was worring about phoning home and it was me on the post and not happy liz because her list was way too long good post fuzz

michaelm said...

LMAO-
Fuzz, your candor is once again amazing.
btw-I hate milkshakes. period.

~m

:P fuzzbox said...

angel jr.: She is a very iconic figure. I would think her story would make a great modern musical for the stage.

rocky: I don't know if they let you pick your own mask. I think that I would like to wear The Lone Rangers Mask. The sound track would be cool.

cleveland: Thanks my man.

michael: If a person can't be honest in cyberspace, where can they. Thanks for the props.

RAVEN the PITA said...

I'll never look at a milkshake quite the same way again...

:P fuzzbox said...

pita: :P