In a mind blowing research project, Italian researchers have discovered that kids watching tv suffered less pain from a hypodermic needle than those not watching the boob tube. Even more startling to these researchers was the fact that kids were more soothed by the idiot box than by their own mothers.
A doctor not affiliated with the study has surmised that it wasn't the tv, it was the distraction and would work just as well with a story from a story teller.
So as a public service I will hereby give you a little story to tell your young ones in order to alleviate their pain in the doctors office.
Billy Bob BuzzardA Simple Tale From FuzzOnce upon a time in the rolling plains of West Texas, there lived a friendly but not too bright buzzard that went by the name Billy Bob. Billy Bob Buzzard loved the hills and canyons of West Texas. Soaring proudly in the sky above the plains in search of roadkill, he wondered to himself if there was a way to stay here year round.
Being not so bright Billy Bob was confused about just why all his friends and family flew south to Mexico as soon as winter approached. Billy Bob went and talked to the oldest and wisest buzzard in all the plains. The old sage told him that in the winter the hot West Texas sun did not shine as brightly and this meant that there were no hot upward drafts that allowed them to effortlessly glide over the plains in search of fresh roadkill. Without these drafts known as thermals, the buzzards would starve so every year before winter the buzzards must fly to Mexico.
Billy Bob Buzzard now understood why he must fly south. But still he wished to stay. He came up with a plan. He must ask the creatures that did stay in West Texas through the winter, just how they managed to find food. With a smile on his beak and a song in his heart, he went along his merry way to find the answer.
First he talked to Buddy Bunny. Buddy told him that he scrambled among the dead grasses and searched for the meager morsals for enough food to survive. Billy Bob knew that this was not the answer for him. There was no safe way for him to scramble on the road in search of fresh road kill. Saddened he went to find another answer.
Next he went and talked to Rocky Rattlesnake. Rocky told him that he survived by going deep into the rocks and slept through the winter. This hibernation allowed him to survive. Billy Bob Buzzard knew that there was no way that he could sleep a whole winter. Billy Bob was an early riser as if he slept late he always pee'd the nest and this was not very good at all as he might freeze stuck to the nest. So once again Billy Bob went out to find another creature that could give him an answer to his problem.
Finally he went to Sammy Squirrel. Sammy told him that all spring, summer, and fall, he collected food and stored them high in the trees in little knotholes. Billy Bob was elated. This was something that he could do.
The next day Billy Bob started working on his plan. He rose early with the sun and sailed and soared over the plains of West Texas in search of fresh roadkill. He ate but little and would pick up the ran over critters and fly them to a little cave high upon a canyon. He did this all spring, summer, and fall.
When winter came, all the buzzards were ready to fly to Mexico but Billy Bob stayed in the West Texas home that he loved so well. All winter he snacked on the stash of goodies in his high canyon cave. But Billy Bob was not as happy as he thought he would be. He missed his friends and as he gnawed on a cold dead flattened lizard, he missed more than anything standing on the scorching road and sharing a fresh hot road kill with his buddies.
He decided that next year, he would fly away with his friends. As much as he loved West Texas. He loved his friends more. And that was a thing worth knowing.
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The animal loving, people hating chickenshits in this country have made the rights of animals more protected than the rights of human beings and the idiocy must stop. Last Friday, my daughter was attacked by a group of dogs walking to the grocery store. Luckily she escaped before being severely bitten. When I talked to the police officer he stated that there was nothing he could do. The law forbids him from doing anything with the animals without the consent of their owners except in case of eminent danger. Since no one would claim these dogs, he couldn't do squat by law. He told the city office of the problem and they stated that they know of these dogs but have not been able to catch them. They have ordered live traps but it looks like they are taking their sweet ass time getting it done. I told the police officer that he might want to look the other way when I drove down this alley at night to take care of the problem my damn self. So for all those asswipes that care more for a bunch of violent stray muts than human life; fuck you and kiss my hairy ass. I hope you are fucking mauled and maybe then you will realize just how big a fucktard you really are.
