Thursday, August 24, 2006
Kiss My Ass: Not So Fine Dining
Every day I add to the list of assholes and bitches that can Kiss My Ass. Here a couple of additions that make the list in the Food Service Industry.
Okay, I order my medium rare steak with all the fixin's, the waiter brings me a cold cerveza, and I happily saunter to the salad bar. What I see there makes me see fucking red; BIG LETTUCE!!! Oh you lazy ass cocksucking douchebag salad bar preparer! Would it be too fucking much to cut up the damned lettuce. It looks like you just grabbed the whole fucking head and shook the living piss out of the son of a bitch until it had shaken lettuce syndrome. Run the motherfucker through a fucking salad shooter, Amazing Moulee, or a damned food processor. For Christ's sake chop that shit up!!! Do you know how fucking stupid it looks to cut up a damned salad with a steak knife? You get all the rest of the shit precariously perched on the big fucking lettuce and go to cut the shit and a fucking cherry tomato rolls out of the damn salad plate and cruises down the fucking aisle spreading cheese and bacon bits in it's wake. So you think, I will just try to use my fork skills to pierce the big lettuce roll the bitch over and pierce it again till you have managed to get it into a serviceable size, you get the fucker two centimeters from your mouth and this rubberized piece of shit explodes and smears dressing all over your damned face. So for any motherfucker out there subjecting innocent patrons to this horror: Kiss My Ass!!! I hope you fucking choke on a big slimy brown chunk of rotten lettuce.
The other day Angry Joyce and I had the misfortune of going to a restaurant and drawing an extreme waiter. You know the type. The jerkwad that would be better off being a used car salesman. This cumbubble's service bordered on sexual harassment his nose was so far up my ass. Business was pretty light but damn don't these assholes have something better to do. I swear to God that by midway through our meal, this asshole had his hands laying on the table with his chin propped on them making idle chit chat. At least he was handy for drink refills. But still. Kiss My Ass and get a damned life. Your tip isn't going to increase by hovering. You are just pissing me the fuck off. I don't know what's worse a waiter that forgets your fucking alive or one of these douchebags.
If you want to join the ranters or just want to know where to find a few good ones, go here and check the blogroll.