Sunday, August 27, 2006

What A Way To Go

I normally do not give much thought to my death or funeral service but I recently read a story that changed my thoughts on this subject. Recently in China, five people were arrested and police have started a crackdown against strip tease funerals.

I had never heard of this practice. What an awesome idea. I have never wanted a traditional service with people either mourning or trying to suppress the church giggles as they showed up to make sure that I was really dead and not just perpetrating a cruel hoax.

Instead of a minister hosting the event, a strip club DJ would officiate. Instead of some old woman singing some lame hymn, the entertainment would be dazzling with hot strippers. Instead of eulogies, their would be outrageous toasts as bikini clad shot girls dispensed kamakazis and tequila.

Oh what a great day as I receive one last lap dance before the final long dirt nap. Shave my balls with a rusty razor, if this isn't one of the most awe inspiring examples of just why I am a happy man in this sick and twisted world.

Click here for the Yahoo news story.

35 comments:

:P fuzzbox said...

If anyone can guess where I lifted the phrase, 'shave my balls with a rusty razor', they win my undying awe.

Ol' Lady said...

fuzzbox - I do believe that you could make lots of money offering this kind of funeral service, after all the first 3 letters spell 'Fun' so why not have some? But one would have to keep in mind the women (mourners) so possibly male dancers too. As for 'shave my balls with a rusty razor' I think you are just crying out for some one to do it to you ;)

Johnny Wadd said...

What a way to go. Dude you can count on me to dj at your outs.

Writer Chick said...

We'll make sure the caterer has 'chopped salad' at the wake. ;)
WC

Metal Mark said...

I would like a band to play some speed metal songs at my funeral and I want to be wearing my favorite AC/DC shirt and ripped jeans.

Jenna Howard said...

Hm...this doesn't really work for me.

Pixie said...

WP spotted this story ( He would) Its not for me either....

A Rusty Razor sounds a little dangerous though so be careful ;)

:P fuzzbox said...

ol' lady: What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Or so they say.

johnny: After listening to your awesome podcasts, I can think of no other dj that I would rather have send me out.

wc: That and some vienna wienies would be awesome.

mark: That would be much better than hymns any day.

jenna: To each their own.

pixie: Will do.

michaelm said...

Where do I sign up for this service.
Sounds like a blast. Much better than people sitting around weeping. Yech...
Hey Fuzz, what do you do with a drunken sailor?

~m

Green Eyes said...

No worries, Fuzz, I'll take a shot of tequila for you! Hell, if that's what you want, I'll even take a turn on the pole.

*saying a quick prayer for Angry Joyce*

yellowdog granny said...

i want my memorial to be held at coyote bob's with stuffed jalopena's, chicken wings, bbq and lots of beer and dr.pepper...i have already arranged it with my granddaughters to have them fix my hand so it is giving the finger...and then they will have a memorial football game in my honor..im just pissed that I wont be there ....oh and they are to place a sign in my cofin that says 'yes....im pissed.'..
shave your balls with a rusty razor..?
hmmmmm..sounds like something my buddy sooner would say..

Phats said...

I unfortunately will not win your undying awe. When I die I want to be cremated and have my ashes buried by Ross Ade Stadium, I wonder if Purdue will go for that??

Tx Tech, hmm I can't root for them in basketball because you have the jackass for a coach, but I'll root for them in football if you root for purdue

:P fuzzbox said...

michael: It is an idea whose time has come. Shave my balls with a rusty razor would make a great pirates tune.

green eyes: Woo Hoo. I will definantly put you on the VIP Guestlist.

granny: That sounds like a killer send off shindig.

phats: I don't know why they would mind it. They should throw in the marching band giving you a send off. I have always respected Purdue. How could I not like a team that has the same mascot name as one of my favorite drinks. The only good thing I can say about Bob is that he does give the program press. But I have heard from several folks that have had dealings with him that he isn't the nicest guy around. So some of his bad press must be deserved.

Shay said...

Sounds good to me! ^_^

jane said...

Sounds like a great idea, but I will feel sad for you since you won't be there...well, not really.
Anyways, I googled 'shave my ball with a rusty razor' and oh, lucky me...the 3rd line down is a link to helping men who shave their ass crack. YUM.
Now I know I won't eat before bedtime. ;)

Keshi said...

lol I read abt this too...imagine a live strip-tease in an uncle's funeral? I guess alot of ppl will attend funerals then.

Keshi.

CT said...

What a way to end it, with big titties everywhere!!! Sounds good to me... Phil wants to put a stripper pole in our party room, for chicks to dance on at our parties.... LOL...

LisaBinDaCity said...

What a bummer though that you wouldn't be able to join the festivities ;-)

David Amulet said...

This is a great way to celebrate rather than mourn, which really is the way to go. My only questions is if Angry Joyce will be one of the strippers or one of the eager viewers??

-- david

:P fuzzbox said...

shay: It does sound a sight more entertaining than the usual memorial.

jane: Shaving the ass crack sounds tricky. Maybe I should check that site out.

keshi: It is bound to pull in a crowd.

ct: I would have to put up a sign saying the breasts might be fake but the stiff is real.

lisa: I wonder if Angry Joyce would object to a full undress rehearsal before the big event.

david: We are both hanging in there to outlive the other. I just hope she is patient enough to let nature take it's course and not get to many ideas from Snapped.

Mike said...

Just make sure there's no necrophiliac's there!

Leigh said...

How did I not hear about this. What an awesome idea. I hate everything about funerals, this would take the edge off.

Hope you are having a good day.

Phats said...

Bob Knight is a DICK! I will root for your football team though :) lady raiders are always tough too, and now our old coach Kristy Curry is the coach there.

Catch said...

Fuzz....you are so funny! The funeral sounds fitting for a fun loving guy like you! I hope you never change!!!

:P fuzzbox said...

mike: Now that's scary.

leigh: So far so good.

phats: It is going to be a hard adjustment without Marsha Sharp.

catch: I am going to old and set in my ways to change now.

Keshi said...

I was just wondering how a funeral would look if we played 'Touch Me' by Samantha Fox while few ladies did a pole dance to it...ehh next to the coffin.

Keshi.

ozymandiaz said...

I don't give a shit what happens after I die but I hope a friend or two who pass before i do have a funeral like that...

Paige Burns said...

Any one have a Chippendales number? Wonder how far out I can prebook them...

Hey, my Gma's not that far from heading to the pearly gates, she'd probably get a hoot out of that, false teeth and all.

Sherri said...

I've grown up thinking of funerals and peoples passing as a joyous thing, it's in the heritage. I still remember the first time someone on my dad's side of the family died and everyone sat around drinking until they couldn't remember who they were telling stories about how wonderful the deceased person was.

Jim said...

Mike Lange

:P fuzzbox said...

keshi: That would be an awesome tune for the occasion.

ozy: I would be honored to be a pall bearer for such a funeral. I would imagine they get the best lap dances.

sherri: That is a great way to look at it.

jim: Maybe but actually I lifted the line from a B-grade soft porn movie on Cinemax. It was on as I was flipping through and it was a train wreck that I couldn't stop watching. It was titled, 'Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade'. The movie had it all; Bad acting, horrid script, cheesy special effects, cheesier music, gigantic fake boobs, comedic violence. What more can a person ask for?

Jim said...

there are lots of variations but I think Lange took it mainstream (he was the lead play-by-play announcer for the Pittsburgh Penguins hockey team) -- he used "face" -- I've heard other, including "a$$" and belly -- it also is one of the standard lines for the sea shanty:

What'll we do with the drunken sailor?
Shave his balls with a rusty razor!

Anonymous said...

Shave My balls with a rusty Razor

Alabama Jones !

Anonymous said...

Alabama Jones is so hillarious my friends and I watched it and we couldnt stop laughing at how horid it was.

:P fuzzbox said...

It does rank right up there with Spiderwoman as the worst soft core porn ever made. What really made Alabama Jones great was the after movie interviews. They were priceless.