Wednesday, August 02, 2006

A Tail Of Prediction


  • I have been intrigued by the psychic arts since Jackie Stallone has brought back the ancient art of rumpology. Now that even a blind man has mastered the art, it might be time for me to seriously study this ancient practice.

    The numbers may lie, the stars confuse, the palms may obscure, but the ass tells all. It seems that according to this practice of fortune telling, everyone's rump has lines just like palms and not just panty lines or skidmarks. I am not fully trained in rumpology but I will make a couple of celebrity predictions using my limited knowledge of the subject.

J. Lo. has a wandering ass. An ass that is hard to tame. An ass that does not settle but is always looking for the next best thing. Until her ass settles down she will not find a lasting relationship, but will probably never lack for someone that will be more than willing to smack that ass.

Mel Gibson at first glance would appear to have a self-riotous ass but upon further study it becomes clear that he actually has a dumb ass. I predict that if he does not go to rehab then his drunk ass will get him a boot in the ass.

Now I must go and do further studies in this mystical science of rumpology. I really need to see what the future has in store for the good people in the world. Maybe a googgle search for nice ass would work. A bloggers job is never done.

39 comments:

Keshi said...

hahahaha funny post as usual!

**a googgle search for nice ass would work

I think it will do :):)

Keshi.

Ben said...

All in the name of science and research.

Are you think of heading to Hef's mansion for this little investigation ?

I'm sure he'll understand your reasoning.

Ol' Lady said...

'everyone's rump has lines' - does this include the creases below the saggs? I suppose that once gravity has taken effect, then there is more to read. And does size matter in this category? Would some have short stories and some have mini series? Fuzzbox,again you have brought to us something interesting to ponder.

Mimi said...

I do not have a perfect ass, but it ain't got no lines. I guess they could not read me.

David Amulet said...

So does the Psychic Friends Network now have to make "booty calls?"

-- david

phred said...

Mel Gibson = dumbass, now that`s phunny !
It`s hard for me to see the lines on my ass... and I would hate for my wife to catch me up on the vanity , backed up to the mirror.
I guess that`s why people make a living out of '' reading '' other peoples ass-lines.

Mike said...

I may need to do my own research on this one.

*stands up at desk in office*

"OK, LADIES!!! IF I COULD HAVE YOUR ATTENTION! PLEASE LINE UP IN FRONT OF ME AND BEND OVER!!"

Big D said...

You were staring at Mel Gibsons ass?

Curare_Z said...

Tis a noble pursuit Fuzz. I'm sure you will use your butt-observation powers for the good of all.

LisaBinDaCity said...

I met Jackie Stallone - quite a piece of work.

And can I help kick Mel?

Bruce said...

Asshats and asses...you and I are definitely bringing up the rear lately, Fuzz.

Jenna Howard said...

*rises on toes, checks out butt in mirror*

Hm... Wow... I'm going to come into money! Sweet! Oh and oooh, mysterious stranger.

I'll let y'all know if this is happens.

And way to hunt the blogosphere for nice ass pictures. Way to take one for the team, Fuzz. We appreciate the sacrifices you make for us.

Phats said...

Poor Mel,
Everyone is taking shots and rightfully so! haha :)

siren said...

That article is hilarious. I like how he started on a circle of "friends". What's a little ass-groping among friends? I'll have to remember that the next time my buddies are over and they want to know what the future holds...

Green Eyes said...

You know, I'm always learning something new here, Fuzz. Have I thanked you for that yet? If not, a big thanks coming your way!

Jenna Howard said...

$125 (US!!) to send a picture of my ass (!!!) to some woman so she can say "I see great things in your future butt..."

I'll take that $125 and pocket it then I and my non-photographed tush will go out and buy new jeans. You can get nice jeans for $125 US. Maybe the kind that'll make my butt perkier so that yes...great things will be in my future butt...

Oh yeah - found a quarter. Just waiting for that mysterious stranger thing.

:P fuzzbox said...

keshi: I hope so.

ben: Hef has always been at the forefront of many of man's greatest efforts. I am sure that he will understand. Now I just need to seek an invite.

ol' lady: I bet the scarf and barf crowd like Nicole Richie would be real hard to read while Rosanne's would probably tell more than a person would want to know.

:P fuzzbox said...

mimi: A no line ass would be hard to read but I am sure they are there maybe they are just light.

david: That's good.

phred: Just tell her you were checking for hemmoroids. That should work.

mike: Just watch out for those sexual harasssment lawsuits. Not everyone is in tune with psychic phenomena.

big d: They way Mel has been showing his ass it is a quick study.

:P fuzzbox said...

curare: For the good of humankind. That is my mantra.

lisa: I would be honored.

bruce: It would appear that way.

jenna: Every once in a while a person just has to lean in and take one for the team.

:P fuzzbox said...

phats: If you cant kick a man when he is down, then when can you?

siren: Sounds like a lot more fun than sitting around a Ouja board.

green eyes: Thank you. Maybe I should add a tagline proclaiming all the information that you would probably rather not know.

jenna: As a favor, I offer my services for free. I will await your butt impression. ;) I am not very mysterious but I am certainly stranger.

the weirdgirl said...

Ah, I remember the butt psychic! I'm often surprised by the amount of things you write about, Fuzz, I've also familiar with.

It probably means we're both perverts. Want to check my ass to confirm?

Laurie said...

"A fat ass is the sign of a life well lived."

:-)

The Phoenix said...

I've heard you can also read their fortunes by reading the bumpus on their rumpus.

Vic said...

Oh Fuzz....my ass is definately a smart ass. Don't need a psychic to tell me that one.

jay lassiter said...

i straddle the smartass/dumbass divide.
p.s. fuzz, have you ever considered switching to haloscan? it spares up all the word verification thing.
just a thought.

:P fuzzbox said...

weirdgirl: Just send that imprint right out. I will see what I can divine.

laurie: I have never seen any trouble in a juicy bubble.

phoenix: Ain't it great, a fortune telling plan of groping cans.

vic: You and me both.

jay: I have thought of haloscan but there are basically two reasons why I haven't switched. Number One: I have found no way that I cannot keep up the old comments from blogger and still incorporate haloscan. I do not wish to obscure all the great comments that people have left over the life of this blog. They are like old friends and some of them are from bloggers that are no longer on the 'sphere and I like to look back and remember their wit and charm, and Number Two: It is just replacing the pain in the ass of word verifacation to the pain in the ass of typing in your e-mail and pasting in your website. I could live with Number Two if someone has figured out how to get around Number One.

Leigh said...

This is one of the best posts I have read all day, very educational. Thanks for the giggles Fuzz! Hope you had a good day.

:P fuzzbox said...

leigh: Thanks. If you want to check out the funniest post that I read today. Go here.
http://mindseyeinside.blogspot.com/2006/08/purina-diet.html

Keshi said...

Mel the vegemite doesn't seem to like Jews..lol poor guy!

Keshi.

Catch said...

smart ass>>>>>>>>>>> ME. lol Fuzz...what a funny post! Theres all kinds of asses out there...

Ranea said...

Is it just me, or does it smell like ass in here? You must be hard at work Fuzz.

Gerald Ford said...

Is the girl in the pic the High Priestess of the Church of Rumpology? If so, I'll visit that Church. ;p

:P fuzzbox said...

keshi: His mug shot looks pretty decent though.

catch: More than I can describe.

ranea: I am tapping my little fingers to the bone.

gerald: I bet she could teach a person a thing or three.

Metal Mark said...

My college roommate who I will refer to as uni-brow, was once obsessed with Mel Gibson's Braveheart. He liked it so much that he started trying to speak with a Scottish accent (he was from Tennessee). He then entertained the idea of having a kilt made and wearing it around campus. I told him that if he did that then people would say "Hey, look at the dumbass. Oh, wait he's wearing a kilt so that makes him a dumbarse." Uni-brow didn't think that was as funny as I did. Oh, your mention of Mel Gibson is what made me think of that story.

Rocky said...

Fuzz, I think you've blown the lid off the psychic racket. I always knew they were pulling those fortunes out of someone's ass...

starbender said...

hahaaaa....
rump-readers!
...the future never felt sooo good!
:]
or, U'r future stinks!

:P fuzzbox said...

mark: A guy with a uni-brow would be ill advised to wear a kilt. He might be mistaken for the uni-brow girl from the animated show, 'Hey, Arnold.'

rocky: And sometimes their predictions can be ass backwards.

starbender: That's good.

yellowdog granny said...

i can think of a couple of rumps i would like to ology on..antonio banderas comes to mind...or at least his ass does..*sigh
but truth be known???? cuba gooding, jr. has the finest ass in hollywood..now i could do some ology on that one..

:P fuzzbox said...

Antonio Banderas has the coolest name ever. Nothing rolls off the tongue near as smooth. The only one that comes remotely close is Gerard De'Pardoux.