Friday, August 18, 2006

A Little Feel Good Story

In a mind blowing research project, Italian researchers have discovered that kids watching tv suffered less pain from a hypodermic needle than those not watching the boob tube. Even more startling to these researchers was the fact that kids were more soothed by the idiot box than by their own mothers.

A doctor not affiliated with the study has surmised that it wasn't the tv, it was the distraction and would work just as well with a story from a story teller.

So as a public service I will hereby give you a little story to tell your young ones in order to alleviate their pain in the doctors office.

Billy Bob Buzzard

A Simple Tale From Fuzz

Once upon a time in the rolling plains of West Texas, there lived a friendly but not too bright buzzard that went by the name Billy Bob. Billy Bob Buzzard loved the hills and canyons of West Texas. Soaring proudly in the sky above the plains in search of roadkill, he wondered to himself if there was a way to stay here year round.

Being not so bright Billy Bob was confused about just why all his friends and family flew south to Mexico as soon as winter approached. Billy Bob went and talked to the oldest and wisest buzzard in all the plains. The old sage told him that in the winter the hot West Texas sun did not shine as brightly and this meant that there were no hot upward drafts that allowed them to effortlessly glide over the plains in search of fresh roadkill. Without these drafts known as thermals, the buzzards would starve so every year before winter the buzzards must fly to Mexico.

Billy Bob Buzzard now understood why he must fly south. But still he wished to stay. He came up with a plan. He must ask the creatures that did stay in West Texas through the winter, just how they managed to find food. With a smile on his beak and a song in his heart, he went along his merry way to find the answer.

First he talked to Buddy Bunny. Buddy told him that he scrambled among the dead grasses and searched for the meager morsals for enough food to survive. Billy Bob knew that this was not the answer for him. There was no safe way for him to scramble on the road in search of fresh road kill. Saddened he went to find another answer.

Next he went and talked to Rocky Rattlesnake. Rocky told him that he survived by going deep into the rocks and slept through the winter. This hibernation allowed him to survive. Billy Bob Buzzard knew that there was no way that he could sleep a whole winter. Billy Bob was an early riser as if he slept late he always pee'd the nest and this was not very good at all as he might freeze stuck to the nest. So once again Billy Bob went out to find another creature that could give him an answer to his problem.

Finally he went to Sammy Squirrel. Sammy told him that all spring, summer, and fall, he collected food and stored them high in the trees in little knotholes. Billy Bob was elated. This was something that he could do.

The next day Billy Bob started working on his plan. He rose early with the sun and sailed and soared over the plains of West Texas in search of fresh roadkill. He ate but little and would pick up the ran over critters and fly them to a little cave high upon a canyon. He did this all spring, summer, and fall.

When winter came, all the buzzards were ready to fly to Mexico but Billy Bob stayed in the West Texas home that he loved so well. All winter he snacked on the stash of goodies in his high canyon cave. But Billy Bob was not as happy as he thought he would be. He missed his friends and as he gnawed on a cold dead flattened lizard, he missed more than anything standing on the scorching road and sharing a fresh hot road kill with his buddies.

He decided that next year, he would fly away with his friends. As much as he loved West Texas. He loved his friends more. And that was a thing worth knowing.


Click here for the news story on Yahoo.


Pixie said...

What a sweet little tale, did you write it ?

Bruce said...

Why do I think that Billy Bob sounds a lot like Carl Childers in "Sling Blade"? mmmhmmm...

Paige Burns said...

I love that! I can even see the cute buzzard pics someone would draw for the kids book.

Ben said...

A sweet tale. Now anytime I need a bedtime story I know where to come.
That's not an intimate proposition by the way.

David Amulet said...

THE PAIN!!! Ohhh, it's not working ... STOP THE PAIN!!!!

-- david

phred said...

That`s a good story about Billy Bob. But , if the buzzards stayed in West Texas all would we know it was Spring ?
For those that don`t know, the old timers always say, '' Well, the buzzards are back..must be Spring''.

:P fuzzbox said...

pixie: It is a simple retelling of an Aesop Fable, modernized and setting changed. I thought it up when my son was very young. I'm glad you liked it.

bruce: And he eats mustard on his biscuits.

paige: Maybe I should collect all my kiddie stories in a volume and have them illustrated. Me a children's book author. If Madonna can do it. Anyone can.

ben: I wonder if buzzards cuddle?

david: Watch two cartoons and call me in the morning.

phred: There are three sure signs of spring. The buzzards return, the mesquites bud, and the swallowtails return. Buzzards usuasually are the first ones back but that doesn't always hold true does it.

starbender said...

Billy Bob sure gets around!
I figured he would have died over the winter cuz the roadkill was no longer fresh!

Hahahahaaaa Bruce~ 'biscuits n mustard' ...i luv'd that movie!


Curare_Z said...

I wasn't expecting such sweetness from you on a Friday morning. Are you feeling ok? :-)

Mike said...

You should write childern's books. BTW, did you drug me while I was preoccupied with your story? I feel a little tired.

*falls off chair*

Big D said...

Billy Bob learned an important lesson "tears"!

Sherri said...

You've got quite the creative knack there fuzzbox! I once thought up a story like that for my oldest son when he was a kid. I had forgotten all about it until just now. LOL

Crazy Dan said...

When you said you were going to stop bloggin so much I was kind of amazed. With the new inspiration and even more bordom on your hands now I figured you would blog even more. Glad to see your going strong and hope all things are going gravy for you.

ozymandiaz said...

Does that mean somewhere in Texas there is a cave chock full of road kill? Hmmmmmm....
Probably smells like my neighbor’s house.
Ya wanna know why kids are numbed by T.V.? I mean other than insipid mind numbing programming? It’s the flicker rate. Just like watching a camp fire there is a flicker rate to television and it has a similar affect. It actually entrances the viewer to a certain amount and depending on the viewer some deeper than others.

yellowdog granny said...

isnt that how congress gets thru their session???

Catch said...

that was a very cute story Fuzz and I am proud of you! I bet your sons love listening to your stories.

:P fuzzbox said...

starbender: Carl once did an audio promo for this blog. He is the greatest.

curare: Welcome to the softer side of Fuzz. :)

mike: If Madonna can do it then I suppose anyone can.

big d: Do you need a hanky?

:P fuzzbox said...

sherri: In my case it is good that kids are easily amused.

cd: Biscuits and gravy all the live long day.

ozy: But you can't piss in the tv like you can a campfire.

granny: Could be.

catch: He hasn't reached the stage where I have become a total dumbass so he still likes them.

Phats said...

This makes perfect sense i get blood drawn every 3 months and I am not scared one bit of needles, and I watch TV way too much. I buy it!

Chicken George, good to see someone new!

:P fuzzbox said...

Phats, Chicken George is finally hitting his stride.

Ol' Lady said...

awwwww, you have soft side - nice to see :)

Anonymous said...

Aww...I'm going to read this story to my nephew. He'll like it because it has food in it. But Paige is right (damn it, don't tell her I said that) in that this story needs pictures. He likes to point at pictures and moo...doesn't matter what the picture is...he'll moo. Damn he takes after me.

LisaBinDaCity said...

Tell me another story, Uncle Fuzz!

Pretty please?

Mimi said...

I saw that news story. What I do not get is why do they bother with these type of studies? Whether it is true or not who cares? Study something more important I say!

the weirdgirl said...

Fuzz, this was a nice story. And much more PC than I expected going into this post! The last kid's story I wrote involved a boy who's siblings told him his bed would eat him if he didn't start getting up in the morning. (My brother loved it!)

By the way, the TV thing definitely works - it's how I get my son to take medicine.

Anonymous said...

Hm...yeah the tv does work because I hypnotize my nephew with Baby Einstein so I can change his diapers. So it's not just pain but to also keep unruly toddlers right where you put them!

michaelm said...

Real nice Fuzz.
I could read this to my kids.
I think I like the sound of "Uncle Fuzz"...


:P fuzzbox said...

ol' lady: It does pop out occasionally. I try not to make a habit of it though.

jenna: I hope he enjoys it. TV for kids are alright just don't let them tune in to The Wiggles. My granddaughter is mesmerized by those yahoos. They drive me screaming from the room.

lisa: I will get around to telling some more. Ya got my word on it.

mimi: It's not the worst study that I have heard of but it does rank right up there.

weirdgirl: So a tubeful of SpongeBob helps the medicine go down.

michael: I hope they enjoy it.

writer chick said...

Aw Fuzz,
I love that story. There is nothing better than friends.

:P fuzzbox said...

wc: Thanks. :)

phlegmfatale said...

adorable re-tooling of Aesop. Well done!

:P fuzzbox said...

Thanks, Phlegmmy, I apreciate it.