Thursday, August 10, 2006

FOADT: Assorted Fuckwads

I have felt such love for my fellow man this week, that I haven't a single person to list. I have nothing this week but love and happiness to share with everyone. My world is just one big happy Rainbow Bright World. With Carebears on Wings spreading magic love dust over all the land.

Yeh fuckin' right. The world is so full of dipshits and fuckwidgets that it is surprising that I can keep it down to three douchebags a week to rant about. So on with the asshats:

Recently my friend, Michael, from Smoke and Mirrors, was spammed by some douchebag. Michael had posted his utter disgust of rap music and this piss-complected cumbubble wrote a stupid ass post labeling him as a fucking racist because he happened to hate rap music. What a crock of shit!!! I hate fucking rap and I guarenfuckintee that I am no racist. What I am is pissed off that just because I happen to loathe listening to two bit thugs with four bit names spout out complete bullshit, this fuckwad would label me a racist. I don't give a flying fuck what race this crap comes from, It Sucks. The only people that irritate me worse than these asshole rappers is the dumbasses that drive by with their fucking thumpin' ass piece of shit cars with the fucktarded spinners. If I wanted to listen to that horseshit then I would turn the shit on my stereo. Shut that shit off right before you Fuck Off And Die. And no I am not going to link that chickenshit pigfucker. The dipshit has a readership of two and a half and they are probably related to the asshole.

What the flying fuck is up with disposable appliances. My parents had the same damn console TV, the whole time I was growing up. Now you buy a damned TV and if you get five years out of the son of a bitch then count yourself lucky. And fucking dvd players are built to implode almost instantaneously. The same holds true for refrigerators, freezers, and just about anything else with a fucking plug in. We import cheap ass shit from foreign countries because the corporations are to tight assed to pay decent fucking wages to build decent assed appliances. So to all you corporate chickenshit assholes that fill dumps with your worthless piece of shit appliances Fuck Off And Die.

A dear loyal friend and reader e-mailed me that it would be a good thing to hear my take on rude drivers this week as the amount of asshole drivers that she endures on her daily commute is really getting to her. Since rude and bad drivers are one of my biggest gripes in general, I am more than happy to oblige her request.

You no blinker using, red light running, can't pick a fucking lane, don't have a clue where the fuck you are going, speeding like hell or slower than frozen spunk, no merging, cutting me off, cell phone yaking, super-size fries eating, fuckbubbles. Kiss my fucking ass and get the fuck off the damn road!!!! Pay attention at the fucking red light, don't wait for someone to honk while you are talking on your cell and jazzin' your tiny fuck stick or punchin' your love button. While I am at it, how the flying fuck do you think that I can pull out of the damned parking spot that you are slobbering over if you don't back the fuck off my damned ass. Fuck Off And Die.

49 comments:

:P fuzzbox said...

I would also like to know why Blogger will not ever load pictures on Wednesday nights. Is there some strange ass Blogger sabbath that I was not aware of. Damn Blogger is pissing me off. I will post a pic if fucking Blogger lets me in the morning.

Delilah said...

"fuckwidgets"

bwahaha! I love that word!

Great FOAD! I dig your site too, gonna hafta get my ass back here again!! Jane was right about you....

Catch said...

mmmmm Fuzz.....I love it when you talk dirty! ;))

Jenna Howard said...

Grrrrowf.

I do so love Thursdsays for pretty much the same reason as Catch's. She just posted faster then me. I? Enh. Grammar. Fuck it.

Ben said...

I remember way back in the mists of time, when Rap music used to be good, fresh and generally meant something.

I hate it how these days you're interpreted a Rascist because you don't like a gemre of music.

I don't like Thrash and speed metal, but that doesn't make me anti white.

Ben said...

I meant to write "genre".

It's early

jane said...

I started to read Gene's shit about your friend being racist, but yanno...it was so fucking predictable. But, I'm just a ho bag...wtf do I know, right? Beat me! Spank me! School this bitch! Oops..got a bit carried away.

Thanks for your help with my post :)

michaelm said...

A classic Blugstuff FOADT.
I love reading your rants Fuzz because you boil down the soup until all that's left is the true heart of the matter.
And yes, this "chickenshit pigfucker" (love that) doesn't even deserve a link.
You and I have given him more traffic over the past week than he's had in a year.
Old Geno knows he was sorely outnumbered. He went boom-boom.
As far as appliances go, I bought my first CD player in '86.
It was a Denon and it cost me @300$.
These days you can buy a decent player for under 75$.
When it cost more to repair than to buy new, what option do you have?
You are right. They're all cheap pieces of crap.
Driving in Boston, I'm with you all the way on the bad and the ugly: please for the love of God, FOAD...
Thanks, bud. You made my day.

~m

Metal Mark said...

I like what Ben said about rap. I am not a fan, but I think there was time say pre-1992 when rap had some influences and some promise. I think record companies got their hands in it and it became more about raunchy lyrics and image than about doing something with the music. So they ended up with a lot of no talents doing rap just because they fit an image. Now you have a bunch of white teenagers wearing bagging pants cranking up flash in the pan rap artists on the car they borrowed from their parents.

:P fuzzbox said...

delilah: I always try to throw in a new curseword on Thursdays. Fuckwidgets seem to roll off the tongue. Thanks for popping in. Your site is off the hook BTW. Come back anytime.

catch: I know what you like. ;)

jenna: And I like talking dirty.

ben: Back in the mists of time, rap seemed to be about fun. That quickly changed didn't it.

jane: No prob. I will go over and see if you could actually use anything that I gave you.

michael: And he will probably never get that many hits ever again. He should bask in his new found glory for it will be short lived.

mark: It has spawned a lot of no talent wanna be's. The sad thing is that it seems to have staying power for some reason.

Ol' Lady said...

I don't know if we are racist here in the north - we hate everyone the same and in no particular order.

Sugardaddy said...

and while we are on the subject of dumbass irritating assholes lets not forget the dipsticks who cannot for the life of them understand "have your ID and boarding pass ready" and seem oblivious to the world as the search through their belongings and back up security. as the dude on the radio said today "if you aren't a savy traveller, stay home, drive, or take greyhound".

The Phoenix said...

"jazzin' your tiny fuck stick..."

Pure poetry, my friend...

Mimi said...

I could go on and on. But I will just say I LOVE IT!

As always!

oldfartswife said...

Yeah fuzz, what a great FOAD.
I am with ya on the rap,and the cheap crap appliances. They move all of our manufacturing out of the country to pay cheaper wages, and we lose jobs and and get a poor quality product. Case in point,RCA, sold to the French, now called Thomson consumer, closed plants and moved work to Mexico, but keeps a home office here in the USA.
I plead the fifth on the driving issue. I have you know those fries were NOT super size! Also, with my eyes failing me lately, how do you expect me to know when the light changes color if you do not honk. Honking means green light and go?

Mike said...

No I don't listen to rap at all, but I think it's funny how it seems to be all about the ghetto and living on the streets, but there's these guys that are so white they're almost blue and drive BMW's. I can't help but laugh since they think they're all tough, but really have no clue.

As far as the driving........you must have been driving in NJ! I deal with that everyday!

David Amulet said...

Fuzz: I wish you would tell us how you really feel. I'm sick of this self-edited, dumbed-down pleasantries.

-- david

Bruce said...

It's because of all those no blinker using, red light running, can't pick a fucking lane, don't have a clue where the fuck you are going, speeding like hell or slower than frozen spunk, no merging, cutting me off, cell phone yaking, super-size fries eating, fuckbubbles that I have developed almost a phobia of driving; at least for distances over 25-50 miles. And I live in a relatively small city(75,000). I think part of it is that in my last job, I had to drive half the day, delivering supplies, and I encountered every asshole that ever owned a driver's license.

Once again, Fuzz, you delivered big time. Well done.

Green Eyes said...

Fuzz, I luv you! You have such eloquence with your writing. Your mind amazes me, too!

OK, don't want your head to get too big, so, where can I get some of this 'magic love dust' you mentioned???

Perplexio said...

The dipshit has a readership of two and a half and they are probably related to the asshole.

Not to mention 2 1/2 is probably the IQ of his readership... No not 2 1/2 each-- that's their COMBINED IQ!

Perplexio said...

PS: On rap. I had a phase when I listened to rap. I think my favorite rap album was Ice-T's Power and even though I still can't stand rap today, I can go back and listen to Ice-T and enjoy it. His songs about "gangstas" don't glamorize. The song Drama for example ends with a Gangsta being arrested and then going to prison when one of his gangsta pals rats him out. The rap ends with the protagonist lamenting that he'd have been better off had he gotten his education from school books not street hooks. I think my enjoyment of Ice-T is because his raps tell/told stories and being an avid reader/writer I dig the story-telling tradition that Ice-T was perpetuating. It's nice to see he parlayed that talent from rap into acting.

starbender said...

My world is just one big happy Rainbow Bright World....

Ya know, U really had me going 4 a minute...Scarry!

...now the second paragrah, things slid back 2 the norm... *phew*

I HATE RAP!!! Ask my kids, ...if they or their friends are play RAP here... I break those trashy CD's!

You no blinker using, red light running, can't pick a fucking lane, don't have a clue where the fuck you are going, speeding like hell or slower than frozen spunk, no merging, cutting me off, cell phone yaking, super-size fries eating, fuckbubbles. Kiss my fucking ass and get the fuck off the damn road!!!!
I L O V E IT!!!

hahaaaa, u make my day fuzz! I had a foad 4 cell phone talkin drivers myself today, but it was pre-empted for the creator of FOAD THURSDAYS, and some of their followers!

They just don't know how 2 run a good thing when they have one!

:)

ozymandiaz said...

I would like to throw out a big steaming FOAD to my ass. You see, last week I was on vacation and my ass decided to become an endlessly erupting volcanoe. For several day it felt like their were thirty midgits swinging baseball bats in my guts knocking continuous liquid homeruns the whole time.
Anyhow
Rap sucks

Except for Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five

Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge
I'm trying not to lose my head
hey hey hey hey hey hey

Sorry
flashback

tsduff said...

I've learned several new words today. Interesting dictionary you subscribe to... actually I believe you could publish (I wrote publush... freudian slip?) one of your own.

yellowdog granny said...

i think i may make a rap song about how rap sucks and anyone who listens to it is a wanna be gangsta...and as for the rest of your foadt...?*sigh.....i think i love you you nasty shit talking lil bastid....

Phats said...

HAHA YES! I love FOAD it's my favorite day of the week!

I have to say don't care for rappers either, and people do need to learn to drive if it's posted 55 that doesn't mean you go 5 UNDER DAMN THEM!

Also I am hating James from Big Brother, so I want him to FUCK OFF AND DIE! haha Okeh not really die but he can surely fuck off

Curare_Z said...

" how the flying fuck do you think that I can pull out of the damned parking spot that you are slobbering over if you don't back the fuck off my damned ass"

Amen brother. And while we're on topic, why the fuck don't those people just park in the open spot that's just two spaces down? Because their super-size fries eating, fuckbubbles is why.

LOL.

Jenna Howard said...

I'd like to send an FOAD telegram to the salesman who sold my mom her car who left only a French manual in the car. FOR THE WRONG CAR!!

When we were at the gates of Banff we were trying to figure out how to get to the trunk via the back seat and I thought "Well, I can't read French but I can read pictures." (For the record: Trunk is not La Trunk or Le Boot in French) but when we got to the Trunk pictures they were of a friggin' hatchback.

Oh and to the line up of cars behind us who honked and flipped us the bird when we had to jump out to get my mom's purse out of the trunk? Back atcha. Tourists. Harrumph.

Ranea said...

As always you have nailed it. Except for the fucktards that leave their turn signals on all the time. You know the one's that are going around the world to left! They can FOAD too!

Phats said...

AMEN Ranea!

Sherri said...

Lurkers!!! I absolutely LOATH lurkers!! Good one.... sometimes I actually sit in my car and WAIT until they give up and drive past my vehicle.... then pull out right behind them.

siren said...

Fuzz - You are my hero :) I couldn't have said it better myself. And now, I'll have some new words to use in my fits of road rage!

:P fuzzbox said...

ol lady: Damn I guess that I think like a yankee on that one cause that is one of my favorite sayings. Along with my favorite from the old sage, 'Everyone is fucking crazy except for me and you. And I ain't to sure 'bout you.' Needless to say he was wise but crusty as hell.

sugardaddy: And when the fucktards go back through the scanner for the umpteenth time. I wish they would just turn them loose to the ones standing in line.

phoenix: Thank you. I am trying to elevate my cursing. It is quite therapeutic.

mimi: Thanks, luv ya.

old farts wife: When your hearing goes do I have to give you a little bump? :)

:P fuzzbox said...

mike: I think bad driving has gone nationwide.

david: One of these days I might just let it rip. I am trying to ease into this slow in order to get people used to it.

bruce: I would probably be behind bars if I had to drive in traffic half the day.

green eyes: Maybe you could ask a local rapper. They most likely could hook you up with the care bear dust.

perplexio: Todays rappers tell a story also it is just not one worth telling.

:P fuzzbox said...

starbender: If you notice there is no link back to them this week. It is not an oversight.

ozy: As the Kid would say, 'I like Johnny Cash and Grandmaster Flash.' The new shit sucks for the most part in both genres.

ts duff: Publush is a perfect word for yesterdays post. Cool you must now give your definition.

yellowdog granny: You say the sweetest things.

phats: Mark my words, there is a 80 percent chance that he is gone this week. You heard it here.

:P fuzzbox said...

curare: The closer those assholes pull up the longer I make them wait. Muhahaha.

jenna: Some of the freakin' art that comes out of France these days makes me wonder if I could even read the french pictures.

ranea: Ain't that the truth.

sherri: That's funny. I will have to try that one.

siren: Glad that you liked it. I tried to roll with it for ya.

tsduff said...

Publush: The act of turning scarlet whilst being caught reading the smutty material you are printing.

ATL LG said...

I STILL have the RCA ColorTrak 25" console TV from when I bought the house 16 years ago and the fucker still works PERFECTLY...

(although "someone" made me put it in the garage because it "dated" the living room)

I'm gonna start buying up old shit on eBay while I can.

writerchick said...

Fuzz, I love your foads! I wish you would do one every day. And the driving...have you ever driven in L.A.? Gawd, you'd have fun with those fuckers!
WC

cleveland said...

hellz yeah theres the fuzz i know nice use of the word "fuck" it is the versatile word and harry a. balls said hes ready to kick your ass in fantasy football

:P fuzzbox said...

tsduff: Great definition!!! I am luvin' it. So does that make me a guilty pleasure? ;)

atl lg: I would reclaim that tube as quick as possible. Those things are furniture as well as tv's. And if it goes out you can always stick the new tv on top of it to add a little redneck chic. It is all the rage, ya know.

writer chick: Driving in L.A. is an adventure that I have yet to partake of. I will gladly take your word for it though. BTW I am so glad that you decided to give blogging a go. Remember to just write 'em as you see 'em and you will do just fine. And have fun, that's what it is all about.

cleveland: I am worried about Harry A. Balls. I heard through the grapevine that he got a hairball licking himself. Hope he gets better soon.

Pixie said...

Whoa some real venom there fuzz.

As for the blogger thing perhaps its just worn out from all the "wordless wednesday" posters out there ?

Phats said...

UGH! i hate james!! I felt bad for kaysar. Looks like Janelle might be next

:P fuzzbox said...

pixie: I never thought of that angle. I could never do a wordless Wednesday. I like to run my mouth way too much for that.

phats: So I was wrong about that one. Can't get 'em all. But Will is ready to turn on James. Now that the season six alliance is busted up beyond recognition.

Perplexio said...

Fuzz: You're absolutely right. Today's rappers glamourize that whole thug lifestyle. Whereas back in the day, the trend was more to tell it like it was. The good, the bad, the ugly, the down and dirty. Even that Drama song by Ice-T ends:

"The last thing you see is a priest
The lights dim
Your life ends
Drama"

tsduff said...

You are a guilty pleasure indeed
:-D "as she furtively scans the next post"...

LisaBinDaCity said...

I hear ya on the appliances. I just had a very expensive tv, (bought on sale,) die after 1.5 years. Piece o' sheut!

HARUMPH!!!

:P fuzzbox said...

Thanx duff.

Lisa, mine lasted for five. I guess I should count myself lucky.

the weirdgirl said...

"fuckbubbles" Oh yeah, that's a good one. I'll have to try it on my brother. He'll laugh his fuckwidget off.