Wednesday, May 31, 2006

A Coor's Lighthouse


I do not know why I always seem to be the last to pick up on internet legends but this one really takes me back to my bachelorhood. In Ogden, Utah, a single man had been renting a townhouse for eight years. He was a model tenant. He never complained, he kept a low profile, and he was always on time with the rent. But then he moved.

It seems that the tenant was a Coor's Light drinker and due to the estimated 70,000 cans left in the apartment must have drank a 12 pack a day for the length of his stay. Not only did he keep the cans but he also kept the empty carton containers. I hope the 800 bucks that was garnished for turning in the cans to the recycler paid the cleaning bills.

I have heard of packrats but this is a little out of control. I bet the cleaning staff bitched to high heaven about the fetid smell of rotten beer but it could have been worse. He might have started collecting worse things than beer cans.

Such as:
A) Used condoms.
B) Used tampons or feminine napkins.
C) Used toilet paper.
D) Mucus.
E) Dung
F) A giant Booger Ball.
G) Overflowing jars of urine.
H) Sticky Vials of Semen.

The list of items worse than used beer cans is endless when you really think of it. So the Silver Bullet is really a silver lining.

For the complete news story and more pics, click here or here.

I might add that Angry Joyce should be happy. I didn't have half that many cans when she moved in.

33 comments:

Curare_Z said...

YAY! 1st!

Fuzz -- you lost me at "used tampons or feminine napkins." Gross.

"...for reasons not explained by news reports, the tenant had evidently deliberately shut off the water and heat to the townhouse." Do you think it was to pay for his case a day habit?!

Metal Mark said...

Any of those items you listed are far worse than beer cans.

:P fuzzbox said...

curare: It does get progressively worse from a pretty bad starting point.

metal mark: I tried to think happy thoughts for the misfortunate cleaning staff.

ozymandiaz said...

Man, I know i forgot to pack something when I moved...
You know what sucked most of all, when I fond out that "the Silver Bulit" doesn't actually have any silver in the cans. I just knew i was going to get rich...

Sugardaddy said...

back in good ole college days prior to cans becoming aluminum we always tried to make beer walls. of course just as we were about to finish all walls of the apartment one of us would stumble drunkenly over to place a can and knock the whole damn thing down. and the rule was you had to start a new wall with new cans.
i don't remember much of college.....

siren said...

Well, there goes breakfast :) This post is good for my diet.

You know that guy's liver is completely pickled. What a mess. His taste in beer isn't so bad, though.

Catch said...

well, if you read Dr Johns post then you know the guy at least didnt have to worry about a fatal heart attack. His liver was probably another story.

angel, jr. said...

You just gave me some ideas for my next collection.

:P fuzzbox said...

ozy: It is a little bit of false advertising isn't it.

sugar daddy: Back in college there was a promotion by a liquor store that specified that if you had a certain footage of chain made from beer tabs (I am dating myself somewhat with this info) that you received a free keg. I can't remember exactly how long it was supposed to be but I do remember that it seemed impossable but damn did that keg beer taste good. Sounds like or college days were a lot alike.

siren: Glad that I could help.

catch: I haven't seen his post. I will have to track down his url. I have seen him comment to you and mimi but I don't believe he reads this blog.

angel, jr: Always happy to be of service.

guerrilla blogger said...

ok, i heard about this, and now, thanks to you, i have seen it.... you are not the last to pick up on the internet legends...i am....

phlegmfatale said...

the smell must have been wretched, though - ever smell one of those can recycle bins? Foul!

Vic said...

Ewww! You list has messed with my appetite. You should be ashamed!

:P fuzzbox said...

gb: Well at least I don't feel lonely now.

phlegmmy: Yep, that is a foul stench.

vic: I thought it was clear that I had no shame. Huh.

Ranea said...

So how many beer can did you have when Angry joyce moved in ? I would think if you had this many cans she'd be impressed by your show of ability to commit. ;)

Mimi said...

The man should have fined if not arrested. I wonder if he got his secruity deposit back.

Green Eyes said...

What was his point? I'd really like to know.

Was he Baker Acted?

:P fuzzbox said...

ranea: I believe the total amount of cans handily fit in 7 small yard and garden Hefty Bags.

mimi: They got back 800 bucks in aluminum. They should have gave him some boot on top of his deposit.

green eyes: I don't know but I bet he was half baked anyway.

The Phoenix said...

Jars of urine is bad enough, but "overflowing?" Yuck.

Although it would make sense from all that beer the guy consumed.

:P fuzzbox said...

phoenix: His water was shut off. It had to go somewhere.

Sherri said...

Holy cow, I thought we were bad! We have bottle return here, but I hate handing the stupid things in. At 10 cents a can, I once handed in $40 worth. Yikes!

Jamie Dawn said...

Eeeeww! Your list is hideous.
I agree that beer cans pale in comparison.
I saw a show on TLC or one of those types of channels about a guy who has beer cans all over the outside of his house. It's like a work of really terrible art.

tsduff said...

Of course he had to have been single - I doubt that a partner would have put up with such a collection.

:P fuzzbox said...

sherri: That was a lot of bottles. And don't try telling me they were all diet coke.

jamie dawn: They say that this guy had tunnels to the rooms of his house. I wonder if that makes him a spelunker. But you are right in that has to be a nasty building material.

tsduff: You would think that a partner would at least tell him to take out the trash occasionally.

Pixie said...

We used to have a show on BBC about the enviomental heatlh department (sort of like a reality show) and some of the council (projects) housing they had to clear after tennants moved out was unreal. They had people who "saved " urine in jars. Old men who saved every newspaper and plastic carrier bag they ever got their hands on. I think its like some sort of compulsive disorder these people have.
So yes, there are lots of things worse then beer cans :|

Keshi said...

ok Fuzzy I walked right into this post while having lunch and believe me it wasnt such a good feeling...or should I say 'taste'...lol!

Keshi.

Rocky said...

Wow, that's a lot of cans. I would imagine all the carpet had to be removed due to beer fart saturation. Thanks for giving me the news I want to hear, Fuzz.

:P fuzzbox said...

pixie: That sounds like a pretty good reality show. And I can just imagine some of the stuff that they found.

keshi: Sorry bout that.

rocky: I pride myself on news you can use.

michaelm said...

Wow. This guy was a machine, huh?
I wonder where he kept his liver?

~m

Sherri said...

Definitely not diet coke! I'd say a 50/50 mixture between Mt Dew and Bush Beer. LOL!

Let's just say, when I couldn't get the door shut to the back shed anymore, the cans had to go.

:P fuzzbox said...

michael: Perhaps it was canned? I am sure that it was pickled.

sherri: I have a bud who's favorite drink is Lord Calvert whiskey and Mountain Dew. He calls it a Dew Lord.

Jacquie said...

All I see is money money money!
Cleaning crew should have been happy!
Wait, are they returnable in Utah?
maybe it was his version of money under the mattress.

:P fuzzbox said...

jacquie: Good points. Drinking that much beer he probably didn't need a mattress so he could keep his 'savings' all over.

Andie D. said...

Speechless. Simply speechless.

Well, except for this: Holy fucking crap!