Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The Fieldtrip: The Journey Begins

Yes, the day had come; The day, which had been consuming me with a mixture of dread and excitement for the the past 10 days. It was a bright sunshiny day and the weatherman had forecasted clear skies and a temperature of 100 degrees. I was thinking to myself that this should make for an interesting bus ride. When I arrived at the school to my surprise there were no buses so I assumed that they would just be running a bit late.

I went to the cafeteria to meet up with the class as they were passing out breakfast to the urchins. After the breakfasts were handed out, the class lined up in two lines of boys and girls. I took my place in the rear of the boys line. One boy asked how tall I was and when I replied six foot, they oohed and aahhed over my height. Evidently their dads were little people. To my great fortune, I discovered that we would not be riding in any old yellow schoolbus but would be traveling in a fleet of oversized Suburbans ( If you can call two a fleet.) I would be traveling in the air-conditioned lap of luxury.

Another prayer answered was the fact that the teachers looked less like the principal from Uncle Buck than the teacher from the Van Halen, 'Hot for Teacher' video. Although in perfect honesty the teacher that was driving the Suburban is 5 months pregnant but you can't have everything can you? So I loaded my gear in the Suburban and helped load the days supplies and helped get the young 'uns climb aboard.

The kids were mostly quiet as we left out, with the sounds of munching, crunching and slurping of their breakfast. But as the chocolate milk kicked in on the spawn, the first sign of discontent started. The kids were clambering for music but the teacher for some unknown reason did not want to turn on the radio. Yikes, a two hour trip listening to nothing but the sound of urchins and Jr. Underachievers. It might be a long day after all.

Minus the music, the urchins started a game of 'I Spy' but when one of the boys spied with his little eye a fat ugly girl, the teacher put a temporary halt to the game. I was a bit pissed because I knew the answer right away and I had always sucked at this game when I was a kid and now I had thought that years of perfecting my observance skills would finally pay off.

After the long trip, we finally arrived in the town of Quitaque (pronounced Kitty Quay.) The park was only a short distance away. First stop, The Restrooms, so I held the door open for the kids to get out and use the facilities. By the time the last of the little people had got out, the ruckus had already started in the men's room. One of the teachers went to the door of the men's room and told the guys to quiet down. They did but only slightly. I needed to go myself and could not resist using my drill sergeant voice, so I slung the door open and barked, 'Settle Down, Get your business done, and Step lively.' That got the little grunts humping, although the effect would have had a little more impact if I could have resisted laughing when they all turned and looked at my with big wide eyes.

And then it was time to load back up and begin a two mile hike through the rugged canyons of Caprock Canyon State Park. Stay tuned tomorrow for Part Two of The Fieldtrip.


Big D said...

Six foot? I thought you were at least 6'1 and quarter.

Ben Heller said...

NO MUSIC ??!!??#
Just the sound of little urchins ? whoa, that must have tested your patience.

Mimi said...

6ft! Wow Fuzz ;)

I would have loved to hear your drill sargent voice.

Hope your hand is feeling better!

Andie D. said...

Can't wait to hear the fodder for future kid therapy!

The Phoenix said...

That was dumb of the teacher to not have music going during the long drive.

So is part two where you get out the rubber hose?

:P fuzzbox said...

big d: Gimme a day or two jolly green.

ben: I would not advise this. The teacher is either a masochist or a sadist. I do not know which since I was not sure if the abscence of music was for her benifit or mine.

mimi: Maybe I should do an audio later this week. The arm is doing better. I have a week off of work to heal up. It's one way to get a vacation, I guess.

andie: Just trying to do my part in keeping the head shrinkers with a job.

phoenix: Part Two will chronicle the two mile hike and introduce a couple of young 'uns, Bratly and Danielle, the young redneck language master.

The Phoenix said...

And I hope there's something about bats in Part Two. If not, redneck languagy mastery will do.

macho biscuit said...

sounds like herding cats...thats a mighty adventure...

ozymandiaz said...

What? No car chases or shootouts? Not one dead child yet? Fieldtrips just arent the same as when I grew up in South Central. Oh, wait, I grew up in central Florida and our fieldtrips were to Marineland and the likes. We did go to Raiford (former home to the electric chair) several times. That place was fucking scary as hell and kept me out of trouble because there was no way I was going to end up there. These days they take the kids to walk thru county. That's no deterant. T.V., A/C, basketball courts, free meals, health and dental plus access to computers. What the Hell is scary about that? Raiford was a shit hole, third world nation kind of place. And when we went it had already become minimum security (as Florida State Prison had been constructed). When we began the walk thru they told us to stay in a group and keep the girls in the middle of the pack. By the time we were half way thru we were pushing the sheilas to the outside because the inmates seemed much more interested in the lads. In retrospect, I'm sure the instructed the inmates to be boisterous to get the point accross that this isn't where we wanted to end up but I thought the movie they showed that had all of the different confiscated homemade weapons did that quite sufficiently. Was I going somewhere with all of this?

oldfartswife said...

thanks for the report, that is a brave and dedicated teacher to be with child, and take you, and the kids on a fieldtrip in 100 degree weather.
I spy sounds very similar to riddlee-riddlee-re.
looking forward to hearing about the rest of the trip.

angel, jr. said...

I also want what Phoenix wants. Bats!!! Stories of cave dwellers too.
Maybe throw in a hermit--like the ones the Brady Bunch encountered in their Hawaiian vacation (Vincent Price living in a cave).

:P fuzzbox said...

phoenix: I am thinking of making it a trilogy. I don't like to make really long posts. So the trilogy is a good vehicle for me.

macho: Herding cats is a pretty decent analogy.

ozy: One fieldtrip that I had was to the old county jail and witnessed the room that was used to hang prisoners from the old days when they hung you in the county of your offence.

:P fuzzbox said...

old farts wife: They should probably sign up for sainthood.

angel, jr: I never thought of the Brady Bunch angle. That is comforting.

Green Eyes said...

I can't believe the teacher made you stop playing I Spy right when you had the answer! That wasn't very nice at all!

I do slightly understand why the Teacher didn't play music. After they all fought over which station, they'd then have lyrics playing that may not be the most appropriate thing for them to be listening to, and we all know how some parents can be. She was only protecting her ass, and I can't blame her for that one! But, I do feel bad for ya, Fuzz, I've GOT to have music on when driving!

siren said...

Well, it sounds like the trip had a pretty decent start :) Can't wait to hear part II.

Catch said...

I am loving the story about the trip...please do an audio of your drill sargeant voice!!! can hardly wait till tomorrow. Glad you got a week off to let your hand heal up. might as well enjoy it aye?

:P fuzzbox said...

green eyes: It was not very nice at all. I have to have tunes going in the car.

siren: Thank you.

catch: I love audio posting.

Keshi said...

No music? I would have just died..seriously!

btw that last pic is awesome!


Ranea said...

No music? What a bummer! Did you shot any spit wads at the teacher?

michael said...

The "bathroom in adventureland" is classic. Sounds like you had the little buggers under control...kinda.
Looking forward to part two.
I'm thinking there were no spitwads, huh? I think you would have already fired them in Part one.


:P fuzzbox said...

keshi: Thanks. I liked the view as well. That shot was taken along the walking trail.

ranea: Sadly, I sat up front and so could not shoot any spitwads.

michael: Control is rather fleeting with a gang of kids.

Pixie said...

The techer is such a kiljoy for halting the I-Spy game.
Looking forward to reading part two right now!

:P fuzzbox said...

I'm glad that you liked it.