Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Things That Go Bump, Creak, And Wheeze In The Night.

The Villages, a small retirement community near Orlando, Florida, has reported a dramatic increase in the rise of STD's. Authorities are reporting the increase may be blamed on the fact that there is no risk of pregnancy at their age, Viagra, and a lack of education and awareness.

Personally I can think of a few more reasons that may be contributing to this increase in STD's among the elderly.

1) Without dentures, oral sex has to be da bomb.

2) It is hard to work a condom with arthritic fingers.

3) When you are already dealing with gout, failing eyesight, heart conditions, and the long list of ailments brought on by old age, what is a little herpes among friends.


ozymandiaz said...

Her- Your condoms too big, it's all wrinkly.
Him- I'm not wearin' no dad-gummed condom!

Mimi said...

I see you finally found a picture of a hot granny ;)

:P fuzzbox said...

ozy: That's phunny enough to be a true story.

mimi: It took some searching.

Sherri said...

LOL! A coworker and I were just talking about this very subject this morning, he mother has recently moved to a senior complex here in town.

Ben Heller said...

"1) Without dentures, oral sex has to be da bomb.!

You speaking from personal experience there Fuzz ?

The story made me laugh out loud. I shouldn't because of all those poor folks with STD's.

I wonder what their kids think ?

Bruce said...

Oh great... now I have the image of Granny Clampett and Mr. Drysdale gettin' their freak on..

:P fuzzbox said...

sherri: Your co-worker might sit her mom down and give her the talk ;)

ben: I am married to a hot granny, ya know.

bruce: You are welcome for that delightful visual.

Jamie said...

Good for them, living the good life... (Except ew on the STD's) But hey, who can blame them!

Curare_Z said...

"Go granny...get ur freak on, go granny"

Did the report also attribute the STD problem to not Alzheimers? I mean, you can't warn your friends if you can remember who you had sex with....

Pixie said...

I bet their kids don't know!

I bet its all afternoon sex though, arnt they all like tired out by 7pm?

starbender said...

U R soo savy!

Andie D. said...

Ooooooh no! Too many visuals here!

:P fuzzbox said...

jamie: It's the best way to grow old gracefully.

curare: That is an excellent point.

pixie: That brings to my mind another question. Do elderly prostitutes have a bluebird special?

starbender: I do try.

andie: I does bring a few to mind.

Green Eyes said...

Hilarious! Curare Z does have a great point! I wonder if they started an STD Bingo version, if it would help keep hazards in the front of their minds??? lol

Vic said...

My dad tells a joke that I can't remember - don't you love that - and I'm not even a granny! Its something about giving old men viagra at night keeps them from rolling out of the bed. Ugh!

Catch said...

I like the one where the old man in the resthome is bugging the nurse to have sex with him...said hed pay her a hundred bucks...well one day she finally said ok...afterwards he said had I known you were a virgen I would have offered more money.....she said if I had known you could still get it up I would have took off my pantyhose...lol

Ranea said...

Old wrinkled balls! Gross!!

:P fuzzbox said...

green eyes: The idea of a bunch of grey haired grannies leaping up and yelling herpes frightens me.

vic: The little blue kickstand joke huh.

catch: That's phunny.

ranea: Yep, gross.

phlegmfatale said...

I pricked up my ears at this news story, too! Hilarious review - couldn't have put it better myself!

:P fuzzbox said...

phlegmmy: What put the icing on the cake for me was a bit after I heard the news story. I was channel surfing and watched a portion of a Seniors Golf tournament. When it went to commercial it was for The Villages and the tagline at the end was, 'Come and enjoy our lifestyle.' If that isn't phunny then I don't know what is.

jane said...

OMG now I know why Tarzan offered to have all my teeth pulled & buy me dentures!
My mom lives in a senior complex, she's 78, and let me tell you...those old people are nowhere near dead or wanting to die. They are partying it up every single day that they can.

The Phoenix said...

I think I read a study that proved Ben-Gay triggers a sexual response in the elderly.

OK, I think I just made myself throw up a little.

michaelm said...

I wonder if the old folks have a copy of Wayne Newton doing "Smack my bitch up"?
This post reminds me of this joke:

One guy is walking a tightrope suspended over a busy Madison Avenue in NYC.
Another guy is getting a rimjob from 90 year old Granny Gingivitis.
They're both thinking the same thing. What are they thinking?

Don't look down... (groan)
Sheesh, I'm always late for the party here, Fuzz. At least I showed up, right?


:P fuzzbox said...

jane: Tarzan sounds tricksy.

phoenix: It is for deep heat.

michael: Now that's some phunny shit right there. And It's always good when you show up. Whether fashionably late or whenever.

Keshi said...

LOL so funny! hahahaha!

**1) Without dentures, oral sex has to be da bomb.



the weirdgirl said...

Ew, geriatric crabs! yuck yuck yuck

(Hiya Fuzz, I'm trying to finally get caught up in my reading. Sorry I've been away.)

:P fuzzbox said...

keshi: :)

wierdgirl: There's a twisted thought. Crabs with walking canes.

Glad you are getting caught up. I know you have had plenty on your plate.

Jamie Dawn said...

The oldies but goodies are nearing their death beds, so they probably aren't worried about such things.

Rocky said...

Maybe the spreaders of the STDs tell their prospective partners, but they have their hearing aids turned too low in anticipation of some screaming.

You're right on the money with all the ailments they get late in life, herpes is nothing. They probably worry more about broken hips during sex.

:P fuzzbox said...

jamie dawn: It has to be best to go out with a bang and not a whimper.

rocky: They are probably past the age of rough sex.