Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A.M. Radio Hell

I had to drive the company truck yesterday. The F.M. radio did not work leaving me with two options. A cassette tape of the most god-awful hillbilly crap ever to assault the human eardrums or A.M. radio. I chose to give A.M. a try. I quickly came to the conclusion that A.M. radio in West Texas consists of three formats; Tejano music, Agri-Business reports, and talk radio.

At a good Tex-Mex Joint, with some good food on the table and a cold bottle of XX Equis in my hand, Tejano music is just the ticket, otherwise it is not on my lists of favorite genres. I would probably fall asleep at the wheel if forced to listen to the Agri-Business report for over five minutes. So I was forced with the lesser of three evils and chose to listen to Dr. Laura.
I do not really grasp the popularity of Rush Limbaugh in drag but each to their own as I like to say. Although it was cool when her nude pics splashed over the net took her down a peg or two.

A caller called in and told the doc that she was 21 years old and desperately wanted more than anything in the whole wide world to be a mom. She wanted advice on how to go about dating to find the father of her dreams. The doc suggested that on first dates that she simply ask the guy if he was ready to be a husband and to support a family right now.

I'm an old fart so I can't speak for all 21 year old guys but I can remember what I was like when I was 21. ( In patches, at least.) So I can say that I could gauge these guys reaction to this question with a 99 and 33/100'ths percent certainty.

If you want to see just how Roger Bannister was able to successfully break the four minute mile just rock on with your question. When I was 21 I would have cut and run like Forrest Gump in a cloud of dust, assholes and elbows to the nearest exit.

33 comments:

Metal Mark said...

Someone telling me that on a first date when I was in my early to mid- 20's would have scared me off too. And that's considering that I definitely did want to get married and have kids, but that was eventually not right away. If you love someone then there is time to figure out your plans. Then again my wife and I dated three years before getting engaged and were married five years before having out first child. So I might be slower than average on those two things.

Big D said...

I'm 26 and say RUN!!!

Crazy Dan said...

Man you guys are shallow, I mean its only the rest of your life, forever, and ever, and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever. HOw bad could it be right?

The Phoenix said...

Asking some young guy if they are ready to become a father is a quick way to end the date for sure.

Desperation is ugly.

And she's only 21...geez. I would've told her to buy a puppy.

Vic said...

There were nekkid Dr. Laura pictures? How did I miss that?

I had been married for two years when I turned 21, but I still think he advice sucked. I don't see a second date for her until hell freezes over. Poor girl!

starbender said...

U and me BOTH...
R U N like H E L L!

I should have kept
running though...

:]

Jamie said...

Sheesh, I'd cut and run, too. And I already had a kid. NOT first date questions!

Mimi said...

Dr Laura should have told that girl she needs real therapy.

ozymandiaz said...

AM stands for "ass munch"
The part she left out is the woman is supposed to ask that question after about ten minutes of sucking a cock and follow it up with "would you like me to swallow or take it in the face?"
I lost all respect for Doctor Laura (like I had any for her) when I (in similar circumstance forced to listen to her crap) listened to one of her shows that exemplified her true nature. Right after she told a woman that she should not stay in a marriage with an asshole just for the children as it did children no good living in a loveless household she told a young gentleman (read dork) that he needed to pony up and take responsibility and marry a woman that he hardly knew and didn't have a caring relationship with (I think his words were they hated each other) because they got drunk and fucked. She obviously got pregnant.

angel, jr. said...

Run!! Run!!! Run!!!

Green Eyes said...

I don't understand why so many women/girls want to age so quickly!

Sorry you were stuck listening to her, Fuzz, next time just sing your own song, make up some words using that brilliant mind of yours!

guerrilla blogger said...

talk radio makes me want to destroy humanity... i want to take over an am station and play music and comedy and make it more fm than fm is right now... am is like an untapped forgotten resource...

Dr. Cissa Fireheart said...

It's obvious this girl is not mature enough to understand the severity of life alteration children bring once they are in your life. She shoudl want to spend the rest of her life with a man she loves, not just someone who would be a good Daddy.

God help those young men she dates. I hope they are all wearing sneakers so they can RUN AS FAST AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE away when she asks that question on the first date....

Dr. Laura is a freaking QUACK. She needs to stop giving BAD ADVICE and SHUT UP

That is all...

Catch said...

I dont know who Dr Laura is but there is a lady that comes on our tv named Sue (I think) and she is a sex therapist...she gets out dildos and all kinda sex toys and shows what they do and talks about all kind of sex...I wonder how she knows all this stuff. If she was my grandmother I would be so embarassed. Sex therapy???? Either sex is good or bad....and even when its bad its a little good. ;))

Do what I did..get an ipod....listen to whatever music you like!

:P fuzzbox said...

metal mark: Hell it would scare me in my thirties.

big d: As Iron Maiden would say, 'Run for the hills, Run for your lives.'

cd: Forever and ever and ever and ever bad.

phoenix: I don't know if I would trust her with a puppy.

vic: Just Yahoo image search dr laura with the safe search off. The pics are known as the dirty dozen. Let's just say that when she was young it was a jungle down there.

:P fuzzbox said...

starbender: I held out for awhile but evidently I didn't have the stamina for a marathon.

jamie: I don't think it would be appropriate even on the morning after.

mimi: Either that or a screwdriver because she must have a screw loose.

ozy: After that question I would make sure she swallowed so she couldn't spit it into a turkey baster.

angel jr: As fast as your legs could carry.

:P fuzzbox said...

green eyes: Cool. 'Sometimes I feel I want to bomp bomp Run Away. I want to bomp bomp Get Away.'

gb: AM radio is a target rich place. Mostly it is wall to wall static.

catch: I was watching Dr. Sue Johanson one night and she took a call from a gay man and she was giving him advice on how to better handle gay anal sex from his 'large' partner. Coming from her grandmotherly visage, it was crazy to the point of hilarity.

the weirdgirl said...

Dr. Laura should have told her that if she really wanted a kid the girl should only date 35-year-old virgins living with their mothers. Then, when she got knocked-up, they could just move in with mom. I mean, if you're going to give bad advice really make it worth it!

Me and my hubs have got Metal Mark beat. We dated/lived together for eight years before we got married and then it was another five before we decided to have kids. Lots of fun though!

Green Eyes said...

I want to run and hide! bomp bomp

dragonflyfilly said...

Hey there :p fuzzbox, thanks for stopping by...maybe it's a condition that people who read a lot share...i need a "wife" (by that i mean a housekeeper, lol - nah, that wouldn't work, probably would not be allowed in my office.

re: your post: i'ts not called "the tender trap" for nothin', i agree with you, most 21 year old "men" i know (and i don't know a lot) would run a mile if propositioned this way -- MOST men in general would i think ...it's one of those things that you kind of have to sneak up on them with...slowly, with great care and...ummm, how to put this nicely...well, there is no nice way to let someone know that all he is is merely a means to an end (sperm donor and "meal ticket")

...love, romance, that !!!spark!!!! are all necessary components in successful procreation, - silly young girl - i'm sure there are better qualified people around she could go to for advice. (me, for instance! lol)

:P fuzzbox said...

weirdgirl: Or go all out and tell her to get a boyfriend and then exchange her birth control pills with Pez.

green eyes: Don't touch me please, I cannot stand the way you tease. ;)

dragonfly filly: If a person has to go to dr laura for advice then they have more problems than they think.

Green Eyes said...

You think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way, ;)

:P fuzzbox said...

Once I ran to you now I run from you. This tainted love you've given. I gave you all a boy can give you.

Sherri said...

LOL! Look at that dust cloud!!

Seriously, she gave terrible advice! The girl should be looking for an older guy who has been there, done that, ready to settle down.

Green Eyes said...

Take my tears and that's not nearly all! Tainted love. Tainted love.

Fuzz, we deserve a drink! Cheers!

:P fuzzbox said...

sherri: And a hearty Hi-Ho Silver and Away!!! :)

green eyes: That tune is just too cool. Bottoms up.

Jim said...

Here is a list of her actual calls today -- "Dr. Laura only takes callers with moral dilemma questions." What would have been my answers are in CAPS:

1. How can Matthew move forward after his girlfriend left? SEEK THE HELP OF A PROFESSIONAL,AT A MASSAGE PALOR.

2. How can Ryan turn down his rage whenever he see people do things that are dangerous or against the law... SAME ANSWER AS #1

3. Is it right for Shelby to be annoyed with her parents because they are fighting and she's caught in the middle? YOU CANNOT CHOOSE YOUR PARENTS, BUT YOU CAN DESTROY THEIR CREDIT -- TAKE THEIR CHARGE CARD AND HEAD FOR CLUB MED

4. Kristin just found porn sites on her boyfriend's computer... LET ME GET A PENCIL TO WRITE DOWN THE url, FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES ONLY OF COURSE

jane said...

LOL Dr. Laura can be such a sarcastic wench at times!

:P fuzzbox said...

jim: You need your own call in show.

jane: What gets me is how she never lets anyone finish a question. How the hell can you give decent advice without hearing the full story?

tubawench said...

You and greeneyes made my day by "singing" Tainted Love. One word for that girl, BABYSIT. That should help get the "wanna a baby" out of her system for a while. If that is all the girl wants at 21, she is one sick puppy. When my hubby and I first talked about kids (during the dating phase), he wanted about 5. He's worked down to about 2. Of course we haven't started on the baby-making, but we are getting in some practice. ;)

siren said...

Dr.Laura is infamous for her really horrid advice. That woman is a menace. No man would stick around after hearing that.

Keshi said...

21 and wanted a baby? goshh she must have a very boring life then...

Keshi.

:P fuzzbox said...

tubawench: Thank you. It was fun for me as well. Yeh, I would let her babysit for a week or so. That would fix her problem. After a week she might want to be fixed.

siren: She is a menace. And a rude one at that.

keshi: You are right. She must live an extremely dull life.