Friday, October 07, 2005

Random Acts of Stupidity

I would wager that not a day goes by that I do not hear someone tell a story that begins, "Let me tell you what that stupid sumbitch did." I do not know why I like to hear stories of the ineptness of others since on the occasions when I am actually a witness to stupidity, it bugs the piss out of me. But I thought that I would share a few today that I have picked up at work.

In the breakroom at work, one employee related the story of picking up a cheeseburger at a local restaurant where he had asked them to cut the onions. They did. They cut them into little tiny pieces and smothered his burger in them.

A coworker and myself were discussing the dumb things that another coworker had done. He told me that he had worked with this individual previously on a roofing project. He was holding a chalkline on one edge of the roof and had asked the bonehead to go to the other edge of the roof with the other end so they could pop the chalkline to get a straight edge. While the bonehead was walking off, his attention was diverted and was looking down getting his tools in order. That is when twenty feet of chalkline zipped by. Yes you got it right this bonehead got to the edge and kept on walking.

Now for an oldie but a goodie. Back when I was still on the floor and holding the position of lead operator, which is kind of like a straw boss when the supervisor is busy holding court in the breakroom, an end of a dropcord of an electrical line was pulled off while moving some equipment. My supervisor, who was also the safety coordinator of the plant at the time, repaired the end by placing a male end on the end of the dropcord rather than the female end so the end of the dropcord was hot with 240 volts coming straight out of the end. I told him to take that off and I would go get a female end to plug in so that no one would get shocked, but as he did not want to appear that he had made a stupid mistake, he said it was fine as it was. I shrugged but did not push it. I warned the other crew and went about my business. A week later, while moving the equipment hooked to this plug, my supervisor (you guessed it) took the full force of the 240 straight through the noggin. Immediately after seeing that he was not dead, I laughed my ass off. And the laughs kept coming all night as about every 45 minutes he would shake like a dog shitting a peach seed with the effect of the electricity.

If I ever follow up on this post, I will add other stories of my ex-supervisor regarding forklift rodeo, dangling into the grinder pit, and how to land a cushy job and lose it in three months.


Big D said...

I don't have any stupidity stories that top that, fucking hilarious!

Laurie said...

A real conversation between myself and whomever answered the phone at the local Buffalo Wild Wings recently:

"Thanks for calling BWW, can I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like an order of teriyaki wings and an order of 'buffalo chips'."

"Buffalo Chips? What are those?"

"Um, they're on your menu.. Potato wedges with cheese."

"I don't think we have those."

"You mean you're out of them?"

"No, I don't think that's a menu item."

"Um, yes it is - I have your carryout menu right in front of me... It says, 'Buffalo Chips - A basket of natural-cut potato slices deep-fried to a golden brown and topped with cheddar cheese'. I'm not making this up. Can you look at a menu and see what I'm talking about?"

"Hmmm... no, but if you say it's on there... Do you want cheese on those?"

"It says on the menu that they are topped with cheddar cheese."

"Yes, but do you want cheese on them?"


"You know, I think I'm going to call Chili's. Thanks anyway."

Laurie said...

PS - I love that description - shake like a dog shitting a peach seed. LOL...

Reiki said...

i grew up on a farm & one day when we were kids my brother and i were outside & he took a piss on the electric fence. i cannot remember if he did it on purpose or not, but urine is a great conductor of electricity...bzzzzzzzzzzzzz. he never made that mistake again. he will probably be able to father children someday. once i knew he wasn't dead, i laughed my ass off.

:P fuzzbox said...

Laurie, I don't know about eating buffalo chips anyway. The name just doesn't seem right. I was in some cafe the other that had a menu item named pasture pickles. I couldn't make myself get those either.

Dear Jane, that reminds me of an old poem. Maybe your brother would get a kick out of it.

When I was young and had no sense
I stuck my balls to an electric fence.
It curled my hair and frizzed my balls,
and made my shit my overalls.

Big D, I know some of the people that you work with surely you have a plethora of stupid stories.

Reiki said...

um...for some reason my brother never found the incident as amusing as i did. Plethora...good word. have you been using the big word of the day toilet paper again? you gotta love it...

:P fuzzbox said...

Gotta have something to read and I wasn't sure about the spelling of "cornecopia".

Reiki said...

yes, i am all about learnin' new stuff...must be the teacher in me. why were you blusing like a schoolboy yesterday? don't be embarassed about your gypsian upbringing...God loves all kinds of people. or were you blushing because you had incestuous thoughts about your sister? am i back to my regular 77% bitch self yet?

Crazy Dan said...

Word of the day: Epididimus cause they are sweaty right now.

:P fuzzbox said...

I blush easy can't you tell. And yeah back in spades, gotta luv it!

Epididymous is the correct spelling. While not sweaty mine are ready to swing free this weekend.

Also on a side note there is a rumour going around that r. martini, "The Aimless Ranter" is actually a transvestite. I do not know if it is true or not but he/she is awfully testy about it in his comment section on his latest post. If anyone wants to go and give their opinion they can find him at

Crazy Dan said...

I say its true!

phred said...

Well if you read it on the must be true.

cleveland said...

hellz yeah to the stupid co-worker i have been surviving for 3yrs working with him and i got the scars to prove it oh yeah go pack !!!!!!!!!!!

Danielle said...

WAIT A FRIGGIN' MINUTE! HE was your supervisor? WTF?! Aubrey's company won't even promote him, and he has quite the intelligence factor... did I spell "intelligence" right? :P

:P fuzzbox said...

That's right, he was my supervisor. He wasn't exposed as a total idiot to the boneheads in the front office until he was actually moved to the front office but that is another story.