Wednesday, October 12, 2005



Forklift Rodeo

For those individuals not familiar with the sport of Forklift Rodeo which is much like bullriding, I will give a few particulars regarding the rules and practice of the sport. First the forks of a large industrial forklift are driven into two stalks of 8" diameter polyethylene (plastic) pipe about 12' in length. Secondly, the contestant/victim straddles the two stalks of pipe close to the end of the stalks. Thirdly, a nylon strap approximately 14' in length is wound around the pipe much like a bullrope and is used to dally the hand the same as a bullrider. Then the forklift operator raises the forks so that the contestant/victim is about 3' off the concrete floor so that the contestant/victim will not bang the ground with his feet, revs the engine and pops the clutch. This procedure causes the pipe to bounce wildly and gives the contestant/victim one hell of a ride, that most of the time causes him to crash to the concrete floor.

The sport of forklift rodeo had been practiced for a while at the plant but the shift I was on perfected the sport. This was due to the makeup of the people on the shift. You have already been introduced to the supervisor, if you haven't just scroll down a couple of posts and read about him in Random Acts of Stupidity, there was also Bronco Billy, who was the superisor's faithful yes-man, myself, and J. D. an ex professional bullrider; whose claim to fame was that in the mid-80's , he was the winner of the Hard Luck Award at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. You might have actually seen J.D. on television. The footage of his award winning performance has been on more than one clip show, I saw one entitled "Dangerous Games People Play". He made the full eight seconds but then got hung in the rope and was beat half to death. At times I wondered if he might have been stomped in the head a few too many times but I never doubted his courage. Every one of his stories ended up , 'And that is when I ended up at the hospital in (insert name of city here).

To give everyone a glimpse into the actual practice of the sport, I will relate a story of one event. We were training a new employee and the supervisor and Bronco Billy convinced the newbie to try out forklift rodeo. J. D. helped dally him down and I took up a spot close enough to the action to innocently spectate. After the newbie was strapped in the supervisor took his position as the forklift operator, reved up the engine to a deafening roar, and popped the clutch. On the first bounce, the newbie bounced 10' in the air and came crashing to the concrete floor. The supervisor and his faithful yes-man stared in horror at the prostrate body of the newbie wondering how they would get the supervisor's ass out of this crack. I was actually trying to keep a straight face after I saw that he wasn't dead, I can't help it for some perverse reason the pain of others amuses me. That is when J. D. walks over, turns his head and spits tobacco juice a polite distance from the newbies head, and says "Puss". I did manage to get mostly out of earshot before busting a gut.

( No Idiots were seriously injured or fired during forklift rodeo. And all names have been changed to protect the guilty.)

20 comments:

T said...

So now it is quite obvious why they made you the safety coordinator/director!

Big D said...

Fork lift rodeo the sport of... well not puss.

:P fuzzbox said...

T: Yeah, I was trained by a master. If it is unsafe then I have seen it.
Big D: No pusses have ever managed to succeed at forklift rodeo. But the few that tried made for a good laugh.

Master - Baiter said...

Has that boy that went to get the 5 gal bucket ever rode the forklift ??
That might explain his IQ .

Crazy Dan said...

How many times have you managed to stay on the forklift and is this event only for those that work there?

RAVEN the PITA said...

HAHAHA! OUCH! Damn that's gotta rattle the jewels!!

:P fuzzbox said...

Master Baiter: As far as I know bucket boy has never competed in forklift rodeo.
Crazy Dan: Due to a healthy respect for serious injury never competed. Call me a puss if you will but I enjoyed the sport of forklift rodeo much as the sport of cream corn wrestling, strictly as a spectator. And as far as I know the sport of forklift rodeo has not been practiced at the plant since the ouster of my ex-supervisor.
Raven: It rattled most of the contestants/victims from the eyebrows down.

Reiki said...

does any work ever get done around there?

:P fuzzbox said...

Dear Jane: Now that I rule with an iron fist (insert evil laugh here), it does.

Laurie said...

That's hilarious!

It's things like the "Forklift Rodeo" that give me job security.

So in a way, you all are keeping the economy strong!

phred said...

Dear Jane, real work is not a prioity here.
Blogging and BS-ing are.
And to think, we get paid for it...

:P fuzzbox said...

Laurie from the doofus who shot himself in the finger with a nail gun to the forklift rodeoers. We are all proud to keep the medical profession going strong. We do all we can.

T said...

Fuzz: Doofus?! You are way to kind to these dipshits!

Phred: Some "lazy fucks" in that place get paid to stand around and go to the bathroom so you are doing too much for you pay by BS-ing and blogging.

Laurie: If the place they work stays open you should move close to it. Your job would be secure with some of the dumbasses (sp? is it even a word?) that work there!

DIE! DIE! said...

:o

cleveland said...

sometimes i wish 5 gallon did participate forklift rodeo it might have knocked some sense into him

:P fuzzbox said...

die! die! thanks for stopping by. (Sorry bad pun was purely accidental.)

Danielle said...

Damn, that post made me horney...

Ann Alsex said...

i think i am horny, too

:P fuzzbox said...

Ann you are always horny. That is why you are so loved. And the last to letters on my word verifaction is vd, don't know if it is an omen or not but you might be careful out there.

Ann Alsex said...

or in here