Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Auntie Q's

While waiting for that great epilogue of white trash culture, "My Name is Earl, Angry Joyce was catching an episode of "The Antique Roadshow." Usually when she is watching this program, I find something to do such as read the newspaper, surf the 'net, pick lint from my bellybutton or some other manly pursuit. On occasion something happens on this show that piques my curiousity. There are two things that can and sometimes do play out that amuse me.

One scene is the poor slob/slobette that buys something in a flea market or garage sale for less than five bucks or inherits something from poor old Aunt Martha and it ends up being worth a fortune. As he or she is standing there in a frayed out concert tee, the dapper metrasexual appraiser asks them how much they payed for some painting that they had purchased to hang in their bathroom. They tell him that the sticker on the item was a buck fifty but they were able to haggle it down to fifty-seven cents. Whereupon he tells them that if it was in his gallery he would ask no less than one hundred thousand dollars. This is where Angry Joyce screams at the screen, "Tell him to write you a goddamn check just once will someone ask for a damned check." I feel that it is a common thing to have the belief that no matter how remote the possibility, anyone can stumble onto a pot of gold or make a silk purse from a sow's ear.

The second scene actually cracks me up. It is when some uppity bitch/ass gets his or her's comeuppance by bragging on their object de art and it ends up being a completely worthless pile of junk. They are standing there dressed to the nines while a knowledgeable looking appraiser in granny glasses sunk two inches down his nose describes some piece of furniture by a well-known 18th century carpenter. He then asks them how much they paid for the item and they tell him that knowing that it was a priceless piece of Americana they got it for a steal at fifteen thousand dollars. Whereupon he tells them that they have been hosed and possess only a cheap knockoff that they possibly could pawn for twenty bucks.

I know that it may seem wrong to laugh at the misfortune of others but it is human nature to root for the underdog and mankind by it's very nature is envious. Who am I to screw with human nature?

As for the title of this post it refers to one of Angry Joyce's aunts, who pronounces antiques this way. It took my mother-in-law and Angry Joyce a while to comprehend just what she was talking about when she described shopping at an Auntie Q store. Relatives are good for a laugh even though it is scary knowing that except for the grace of god or some strange twist of fate, it could have been you instead of them that received the deep redneck gene markers. We all have relatives like this whether we want to admit it or not.

15 comments:

Reiki said...

Obviously, I prefer the latter Auntie Q shoppers...much more entertaining to laugh at seomone else's misfortune. Hey, is that a pic of you on Laurie's Stranded in Suburbia blog with the number 3 etched in your back fuzz? ;-) Just wondering.

Anonymous said...

Don't lie you know you watched that show, it probably came after Queer as Folk and you just decided to keep watching since the only other thing on was football.

Crazy Dan said...

Thats not right, I dont think Fuzz is gay. Maybe tri-sexual, he trys anything bugs, mud, trees, cats, dogs, your dad.

:P fuzzbox said...

Dear Jane: Sadly it was not I in the pic. I would love to take credit for this warm and touching tribute but cannot. And although it is great to laugh at the small misfortune of some pompous ass, there is something about some drunk chick in a ratty AC/DC tee hitting the motherlode that touches me to the core.

Anonafag: Nice of you to drop by and enlighten us with your lack of wit. Why not come out of the closet and tell us who you are? Are you ashamed to share your anal wart website? Get a life asshole.

C.D.: Thanks for the backup but anonafags mom gives a better blowjob.

RAVEN the PITA said...

DOAH!

:P fuzzbox said...

pita: Sorry for my ignorance on netspeak but WTF is DOAH? All I can come up with is Dream on AssHole.

Laurie said...

I'm wondering who hit the powerball for over 300 mill.

I so hope that it was an Earl.

I don't think I've ever seen Antiques Roadshow. It would crack me up to see some snobby yuppie find out that they were hosed. People that are dumb enough to spend 15k on a piece of old furniture deserve that, imho...

:P fuzzbox said...

laurie: Now you are really confusing me. IMHO?

Johnny Wadd said...

I especially like the ones where they have some vase or antique wooden dildo. The appraiser asks if they refinished it or "cleaned" it with so and so? "Yes" the answer comes followed by "Well you shouldn't have cleaned it with that...now it's worthless."
D'oh

:P fuzzbox said...

Antique wooden dildoes, bet the upperclass had ivory ones. Maybe it wasn't the piano but an ivory dildo that gave us the phrase,'tickling the ivories.'

Ann Alsex said...

i've been doin' some tickling myself...I don't think d: is gay either, but that show is.

RAVEN the PITA said...

My DOAH is like mic's D'oh! You know like Homer?

:P fuzzbox said...

Pita: Okay that explains that but I still like Dream On AssHole. It's kinda catchy.

Ann: That's what we luv about you, an active tickler.

:P fuzzbox said...

I couldn't leave this post with thirteen comments. Not that I am particularly superstitious but why tempt fate. So here is a Seinfeld like post, A post about nothing.

RAVEN the PITA said...

The more I read that the more I like it too - we'll give DOAH that new meaning LOL