Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Flippin' Channels

Tired and weary at the end of the day
I kick my feet up, grab my remote and I'm away.
I flip and flip and flip some more
Cocksucker chickenshit freakin' whore.
They're cookin up Spam on Food Network
I wish they would stick their face in the fire to watch them jerk.
Game Show Network Hell
I can't take a minute of Wink Martindale.
Lifetime Movies, reruns of Friends
Hand Me a plastic bag to stick my head in.
Andy, Opie, Aunt Bea, Barney Fife
One more watched episode and I'll take a life.
Who loves Raymond? I don't care.
The History Channel on underwear.
Selling crap on QVC
The Health Network shows why it hurts when some douchebag has to pee.
Satellite Dish pointed up to the sky,
Tell me, Tell me Why oh why.
500 channels and nothing to watch.
I think I will flip in a porn DVD and play with my crotch.

(Green Eyes requested some poetry. I bet you are wishing now for unanswered prayers. Sorry to all those real poets like Ozy for my drivel.)


Jamie said...

I had to stifle my laughter as the kids are still asleep, but the ending was priceless!

Big Pissy said...


I think you have a future in poetry writing!

Ben Heller said...

It's brilliant Fuzz.

Makes me want those shows over the pond instead of British Boring Channel (BBC).

Mike said...

*tear* That was beautiful man. Can you burn me a copy of that DVD?

Vic said...

Awesome Fuzzy! I settled on the Friends reruns, but feel your pain.

You know....you could make some of your own movies, sell them on the internet, become famous, make lots of money, etc. Its easy I'm sure.

Phats said...

YES!! this poem was great.

You watching Big Brother?

Leigh said...

That was a very heart touching poem. I am very impressed.

:P fuzzbox said...

jamie: Thanks, happy endings ordinarily come extra.

pissy: Thanks soo much. I don't think it was quite up to snuff with Ode To A Vienna but I tried.

ben: I watch BBCA sometimes for Monty Python.

Mike: You are far too kind. Makes me feel like a beer commercial.

:P fuzzbox said...

vic: I would love to make an infomercial.

phats: Better believe it.

leigh: It was touching. I don't know about the heart part though.

Bruce said...

To paraphrase The Boss, "500 channels and nuthin' on..."

Good stuff Fuzz.

angel, jr. said...

Good stuff, really good stuff!!!
You should send it in somewhere.

ozymandiaz said...

Don't sell yourself short fuzz (no porn pun intended). You got mad skills, baby.

Green Eyes said...

YEAH, FUZZ!!! Loved it! Woo Hoo! *shaking my ass*

I love your poetry in motion, baby! Now, write some more! Please...

Ol' Lady said...

unbelievable! you should be published - somewhere other than here

oldfartswife said...

give that guy a klondike bar!

:P fuzzbox said...

bruce: I can always count on you to find my references.

angel, jr: Thanks, I heard that they hold an annual contest for bad poetry. Perhaps I will make a submission.

ozy: You are far too kind. I loved that audio that you did. It added a lot to the piece.

green eyes: Maybe I will make it a weekly Tuesday thing.

ol' lady: You are making me blush.

old fart's wife: What would I do? BTW, what happened to your blog? I miss reading it.

Catch said...

Fuzz your all that and a box of cracker jacks to!!!!! How cute that was!!!!

Mimi said...

500 channels and no porn?

Pixie said...

Fuzz: BBC America is far inferior to the real thing.
I can sit through (and quite like) Every loves Raymond. But then its a new9ish) show to me and I havent seen them all like a thousand times.
But you are dead on that there are 500 bloody channels and often NOTHING to watch.
But as long as there are new Sex and the Citys on demand I am happy.

Great poem though!

Perplexio said...

Cool beans! It reminds me of the Springsteen tune 57 Channels. Methinks he needs to re-record it as 557 Channels

:P fuzzbox said...

catch: Thanks bunches.

mimi: Sadly only softcore after dark.

pixie: At least Blade: The Series came on at 9.

perplexio: It does seem that more channels just means more bad programming.

Jenn said...

LOLOLOL Funny as hell.

Phats said...

Just an update here
The ghost that sold on Ebay went for 65,000$ to the same Casino that bought the virgin Mary's grilled cheese I kid you not.

There was a story behind it, the lady sold it because her 6yr old son was terrified that his grandpa was haunting their house, so she was "easing" his mind by selling it. She sent the casino, golden palace her father's cane which is now on display. I am sure that amount of money eased his mind! All she asked in return was the winning bidder to write a note to the kid and tell him the ghost had arrived haha

:P fuzzbox said...

jenn: Thanks soo much and thanks for dropping in. I appreciate it.

phats: That casino has quite a collection now. I hope the kid's mind is at is. I know his mother's was.

David Amulet said...

Green Eyes: What have you done? You've created a monster!!

-- david

Jamie Dawn said...

Or, you COULD just watch CSPAN and take a nap.

You're truly a poet. I think that Junior High and High School students would really perk up and pay attention if the teacher had them analyze this poem.

:P fuzzbox said...

david: Don't blame Green Eyes. This monster is nearly one year in the making.

jamie dawn: I think that it might be more productive to give this to a psychiatrist to anylize.

Perplexio said...

It's only a matter of time before we get WCTV (Water Closet Television)-- All your favorite celebrity bowel movements all the time!

michaelm said...

You managed to get your point across.
500 channels and nothing to watch.
Amazing isn't it?
I did hear of a QVC show where the guy was advertising these really nice Japanese swords. He swung the sword which accidently hit something and the tip flew in such a way that it impaled him in the chest. They had to call 911.
That's TV I'd love to see.
I agree with you about Ozy, he writes some wonderful stuff.
People come here because you take chances, Fuzz.
Nice job...


Rocky said...

Very poetic, and a great snapshot of today's boob tube.

Andie D. said...


:P fuzzbox said...

perplexio: At least that way there would be some shit on tv.

michael: I would so have loved to watch that happen on QVC.

rocky: Thanks, I appreciate it.

andie: :)