Thursday, June 29, 2006

FOAD Thursday: Junk Food Edition

I thought that today I would aim my wondering eye to the world of junk food and single out a few that are worthy of a rant.

1. Pesico Inc: I recently bought a bag of Cracker Jacks. The good old fashioned popcorn and peanut treat coated in caramel. WTF! Is there some damned peanut shortage that I did not know about. I bought the freakin' industrial size bag and there were 10 measly damned peanuts all settled in the bottom of the damned bag nestled in the bottom with all the damned popcorn crumbs. I want some damn peanuts and I don't want to buy the bag that is labeled all peanuts just to get a few of them. And while you are at it, bring back real toys you tight assed cock-knockers. All that are in them anymore are damn stick on tattoos and jokes. Without peanuts or real toys you aren't any better than Fiddle Faddle and can Fuck Off And Die.

2. KFC: Another division of Pepsico Inc has come up with the idea of slop in a bucket. WTF is up with this bowl of crap idea. I know it all goes to one place but serving up a bowl of mashed potatoes mixed with corn, chunking some damn chicken strips on top, and pouring gravy over the whole ungodly creation is more like what would come out than go in. What in hell are your dumbasses smoking in your test kitchen and keep it away from me. FOAD!

3. In Boca Raton, Fla., one restaurant has come up with a 100 dollar hamburger. There is no way in hell that I would buy a 100 dollar hamburger even if it came with a chocolate shake, beer batter onion rings, and oral sex. Well maybe if it came with all that, but it better be a damned thick shake! So for trying to pawn off a 100 dollar burger, Fuck Off And Die!!!


Jenna Howard said...


A $100 hamburger??? Well...the cheese is free. That's, what, a billion dollars Canadian?

Holy moly.

April said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that thinks KFC is smokin' crack...

I LOVE this day...:D

Happy FOAD to you!!

Mimi said...

I read about the $100 burger and it sounds really gross anyway. Who the hell wants to eat a burger with sprouts. Most people who eat sprouts don't eat burgers anyway! And I am really with you on #1. That always pisses me off! Like when you but things like Chex Mix and all it is pretzels. If I just wanted pretzels I would have bought f'ing pretzels!

Leigh said...

$100 burger?? They don't even show a picture of it. KFC is on crack. Isn't the point of a commercial suppose to be to sell the product. when I seen it I almost lost my lunch. Don't even get me started on the dum asses and their nuts. There are no nuts. Poppycock that is all I have to say. It does have nuts.

Thanks for the giggle. Have a great day.

Bruce said...

I knew there was a reason I never go to KFC... and was that a Pulp Fiction reference there with the shake?

Green Eyes said...

OK, so I had to come back, because I knew you wouldn't let me down and not have a FOAD day!

Love "cock-knockers" by the way! lol

I've been saving this one up for y: my ex, who called my little one "Bastard," can obviously FOAD, especially since my son called his brother that name twice yesterday! Somebody better hold me back!!! *sigh, thanks Fuzz!

Perplexio said...

jenna: Currently the Canadian exchange rate is about 11% and within the past few weeks it's been as tight as 9%. Either those Canucks have a prospering economy or the US economy is taking a serious dive.

Fuzz: With Cracker Jacks I don't think it's ENTIRELY PepsiCo's fault. I think some of the blame lies on the over-litigous fuckwits who would potentially sue KFC when their bad-parenting and negligence led to their child's death from choking on a KFC toy. So I think some of the blame also lies with them and with the fuckwits in their legal department.

The KFC bowl thing is absolutely disgusting. Is the estate of the late Colonel Sanders going to pay for my angioplasty in 10 years? It actually sounds like they're ripping off the Canadian dish called poutine (french fries topped with cheese curds with piping hot beef gravy poured over top of it to melt the cheese curds to the fries).

"I'd like the 100 dollar hamburger with the Happy Ending, please" This past new years my wife & I paid $60 each for our meals at a swanky Argentinian steakhouse-- my steak was 32 inches long and absolutely delicious-- If the steak were big enough and I had the scratch to spare I WOULD pay $100 for a nice steak, but I would NEVER pay $100 for a fucking burger. Do they just put the whole cow through the fucking grinder? If you want bacon with it to they just ask the pig to lay on top of the cow?

Perplexio said...

correction Cracker Jack toy NOT KFC toy.

Sherri said...

KFC disgusts me to my very core.... I refuse to eat anything from that place.

:P fuzzbox said...

jenna: Congrats on being first commenter. It is a highly dubious honor to say the least. For a hundred bucks it better have more than one slice of cheese or the cheese would get binding.

april: Happy Day to you too. I luved how you combined HNT and FOAD. Great Job!

mimi: Ain't that the truth! And mixed nuts with too many peanuts is another of my pet peeves.

leigh: That KFC commercial is like it is trying to drive people away.

:P fuzzbox said...

bruce: My mind is not so much a filter as it is a sieve. And a hundred bucks buys quite a few Royalle's with cheese.

green eyes: What a bastard. Glad you got to vent.

perplexio: Those Brazilian steakhouses are the bomb!

sherri: But I shore do like them biskits, uh-huh.

Pixie said...

Mixed nuts always have too many peanuts, the are the cheapest!

jane said...

That $100 burger with "japanese" beef in it, is probably horsemeat.
I wondered about that KFC thing too. But it seems every single time I go there, they fuck something up. It's like they have to have a -60 IQ to work there or something. That bowl of slop just turns my stomach.

siren said...

I wondered the same thing about the KFC creation. Who would eat that crap? It looks like the slop we used to feed the pigs. Mmmmm, doesn't that sound tasty.

CT said...

does that mean you didn't get the secret decoder ring?

Jenna Howard said...

I'm wondering if the Japanese beef isn't Alberta beef since their one of the largest buyers of Canadian beef. So essentially, you're paying $100 for Alberta beef. Heck no wonder the loonie is up.

That strange KFC concoction hasn't made it north of the border...yet. I shudder at the thought.

oldfartswife said...

Thanks for starting FOAD thursdays
fuzz, we all need a little let it out time. I used to love those Cracker Jacks.
KFC......puke in a bowl

:P fuzzbox said...

pixie: Planters does about the best as far as the mixed nuts go and even they put to many peanuts in them.

jane: I don't think it's IQ as much as the 'don't give a rat's ass attitude.'

siren: Have you seen the episode of 'Dirty Jobs' where they take the leftovers from buffet lines in Vegas to slop the hogs. It was crazy!!! They take all this slop in garbage trucks dump it into a big vat with some other crap and boil it to kill bacteria. Load up a big dump truck and trudge it out to the pigs. It is one messy adventure but the worst was the big silo of spoilt milk, cream, and ice cream mix that they fed to them by dumping the sludge into five gallon buckets and hauling it to the pens. It was totally nasty.

ct: The surprise in the bag was like the worlds smallest baseball card.

jenna: Hopefully it wasn't mad burgers and hopefully this slop in a bowl idea hits the skids before it gets up your way.

old farts wife: I luv venting on Thursdays. The only thing that could make that puke in a bowl any more disgusting would be to throw it all in a blender and serve it with a straw.

To All: Sorry I haven't been able to read everyones blog as quickly as usual but I have been busy at the stand and will get to you all as soon as possible. Thanks for your understanding.

Laurie said...

It's funny that you mention Cracker Jack - someone at work got a box the other day, and I was appalled to see that the "prize" was some stupid little piece of paper! I like Fiddle Faddle better, anyway.

Hope you're keeping cool out at the fireworks stand!

The Phoenix said...

Makes me want to be a vegetarian.

Catch said...

when I saw them advertising that bowl of mush at KFC I thought to myself...who in the hell would eat that crap? But ya know...some people will eat anything! Howsomeever, I do love KFC cokes!!!

And cracker jacks are just not what they used to be....I like fiddle faddle...piss on cracker jacks.

A hundred dollar burger? Id rather have a steak.

Hows the fireworks going?

Ranea said...

Cracker Jacks should sell just the peanuts. They are the shit!
KFC come on, no one wants to eat that crap!
100.00 for a burger? No burger is worth that. No matter how thick the shake. wink

ozymandiaz said...

Here is the deal with the $100 hamburger, it only tastes like a $50 hamburger, and fries are extra.

Sugardaddy said...

and now resturants (and i use the term advisedly) like ruby tuesdays are pimping little square hamburgers. come on guys!! you cannot beat Krystal or White Kastle at their game. don't even try!!!

:P fuzzbox said...

laurie: I like Fiddle Faddle myself, but it does have a tendency to lump up.

phoenix: I don't think that I will ever go that far.

catch: I luuvvv the cole slaw at KFC. It is the shit. The stand goes well. It is slow going but this weekend will hopefully be busy.

ranea: But there's nothing like a good thick shake. ;)

ozy: They should be shot.

sugardaddy: There is no way to even try to copy White Castle. I luv those little burgers. In Lubbock they had a stand that looked like it was going to take off. The Shortstop sold some mighty tasty small burgers but sold them by the bag for cheap. They got to overzealous though and stuck up about 20 stands all over town and overextended themselves. I miss those Short Stop Burgers though they were damn tasty.

Perplexio said...

jenna: If the KFC concoction makes it into all the PFKs in Quebec they'll probably end up making it even grosser by adding mayo to it.

Phats said...

Hmm why didn't you just buy a bag of peanuts? I love fiddle faddle!

100$ hamburger wtf! I'll pass on that too

KFC sucks ever since it stopped serving Chicken Livers!

Jim said...

YUM owns KFC. I'm not kidding. YUM owns KFC, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, Long John's Silver, and A&W (drive-ins).

I was more upset when CJ switched to bags from the box, I hate things like cereal that are supposed to be in boxes but someone decided to put in bags

:P fuzzbox said...

phats: I am more of a gizzard man myself. A liquor store chain here by the name of Pinkies serves the best damn gizzards anywhere and their mountain oysters are pretty decent.

jim: Around here the only A&W places are in a combo with Long John Silvers so that makes it pretty handy. Their is also more Taco Bell/Pizza Hut places opening. They are closing quite a few of the stand alone stores to open the combos. What is a pain about that is the old stand alone Pizza Hut's served beer but none of these combo's do. That is screwed up. These combo's can FOAD for taking away two great tastes that go great together; Beer and Pizza.

Ben Heller said...

That KFC thing sounds bloody disgusting.

If I'm gonna increase my cholestral rating by a couple of points on the chart, I at least want something that tastes good.

:P fuzzbox said...

Ain't that the truth, Ben.