In Memoriam

This is the day set aside to remember those valiant men and women, who have paid the highest price to protect our freedom. I am thankful for the liberties that these brave warriors fought for so bravely. Happy Memorial Day.

Crazee Tastee Chicken

I am somewhat of an addict when it comes to barbecuing. Every weekend, you can find me out in my backyard with either my smoker or my grill fired up and a cold one in my hand. I haven't done a cooking post in awhile so I thought that I would share a method of cooking chicken that can't be beat.

I use my smoker but if you don't have a smoker any indirect cooking method on a grill will work. Here in West Texas, mesquite wood is yours for the picking. Drive down any dirt road and mesquite wood is just lieing there in the bar ditch. But if you aren't so lucky then charcoal on a Weber style grill with a roasting pan in the middle works fairly well.

First take a whole chicken and pull out all the innards that come packed in wax paper and shoved up the chickens ass and set them aside. Take a dry rub and sprinkle it on and pat it in. I use Stubb's because I am basically lazy and I love Stubb's barbecue but if I am out of Stubb's, I mix up black and red pepper, seasoning salt, garlic powder, paprika, cumin, and anything else that I can find in the spice rack that looks appealing.

Next drink about a quarter of a can of beer, then insert the can up the chickens wazoo. Perch the beer can chicken on your grill. And sit back and relax. You don't have to worry about flare ups. Just keep the fire going and the beer steaming up into the chicken assures that the chicken will not dry out.

Next for a tasty snack while waiting for the chicken to get done. Take a cast iron skillet and pour in about half a can of beer, a big dab of butter, the chicken innards, and salt and pepper to taste. It will be done quicker than the chicken and is good slathered over a chunk of bread.

Happy Mother's Day '08

Happy Mother's Day To All.

Shots

AJ saw a friend yesterday at the grocery store. Her friend is usually one of those women that dress at the height of fashion, with make up on, and hair just so, even when out only going grocery shopping. On this occasion however AJ's friend looked like she had been run through a ringer. She wore no make up and her hair was disheveled even worse than Ryan Seacrest.

AJ asked her what was up. The friend stated that about a week ago, her two year old's puppy had been hit by a car. Although the pup had not died, it was in very bad shape and had to be euthanized. The friend had explained to her child that the puppy would have to go to the animal doctor. There the veterinarian would give the puppy a shot. After that the puppy would go to heaven and have bunny rabbits to chase and would be able to run and play again just like before the car accident.

AJ still wondered why her friend looked like hell on this particular day so she asked her friend what she had been doing today. Her friend then told her that today was the day that she took her two year old in for her vaccination shots.

It must have been hell trying to convince the child that she wouldn't be chasing bunnies in heaven after a vaccination. I don't know but her friend should have thought about that trip a little in advance.

Cleavage For Christ

AJ, the boy, and myself went to the city today to do a little shopping. We stopped and ate lunch at CiCi's Pizza. It isn't my favorite place in the world to eat but it has pretty good pizza, it's all you can eat, and it's cheap. All parents of pre-teen boys can understand the virtues of these three elements. We showed up around 1:00 pm and arrived after one round of After-Church eaters and before the next round.

We made our way through the buffet line and easily found a clean table, as the busboys were hastily cleaning the many recently vacated seats. Just as we started to eat, in walked the next round of After-Church eaters. It seemed that there was no end to the line of people walking in. One other thing caught my attention. The group was mostly women. And the great majority of them were very well endowed and wearing low cut dresses that showed off cleavage for days. Now I have never given thought of joining any cult but this group of large breasted women could very well make a believer out of me.

As they came off the line, they started pushing the small tables together. In short order they had surrounded us. Cleavage to the left of me, cleavage to the right, cleavage in front, and cleavage behind. We finished up our lunch and headed out on our merry way before being totally engulfed in breasts. (AJ seemed to be in a bit of a hurry.)

I can't help but keep thinking on a religion based on 'Cleavage for Christ.' The way that they showed such togetherness by pushing their tables together and breaking bread with one another. They seemed so inseparable that even a Cross Your Heart Bra could not keep them apart. It's enough to melt even the heart of a hardened cynic. Yes amazing breasts how sweet the sight that saved a wretch like me.

That's What Friends Are For

Not being a big C&W fan for the most part, I generally don't watch CMT but as not a damn thing is on television Friday nights, I found myself watching, 'Can You Duet'. Tonight was the audition stage and since it is basically a reformatted country duo version of American Idol it used the same formula. Every once in a while a decent act followed by a dozen no talent bums. One duo got my attention though.

A couple of the contestants stated to the host before they went on that they were a group and there was no way that they would split up if the judges picked one but not the other. Sure enough it happened. The judges liked one of the girls but not the other. When asked if she would like to go on without her partner, the girl needed a few moments to think it over. They walked out into the hallway and the chosen girl cried and said she wouldn't do it. The passed over girl gave her a hug and said nothing.

What kind of friend is that? Friends don't hold friends back. She should have offered her congratulations, wished her friend luck, and told her that she would take care of her friends pets, plants, etc. and then if she needed to get even she could always bang her friends boyfriend. After all that's what friends are for.

On a side note, the chosen girl eventually told the judges that she would go on, the friends hugged and all was well.

Fat Chicks Can't Jump

There is an ignorant redneck fuck driving around town in a jacked up pickup truck. All across his rear glass is a mural that reads, 'Lift It - Fat Chicks Can't Jump.'

I hate to tell this dumbass but while it might be true that Fat Chicks Can't Jump, it is equally true that a mob of large pissed off women can jerk him out of his truck and beat the living hell out of him.