Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Googlin' Around

I generally use Yahoo to search for bits of odd news but nothing holds a candle to Google when it comes to finding pics. Just turn off the filth filter and any innocuous phrase is apt to show pics that would make a twenty dollar streetwalker blanch.

For a few examples, I typed in nuns and the first pic was titled five nuns in a bar and shows five nuns standing at a bar in short skirts with stockings, garters, and hooker heels. I typed in foot and on the front page was a pic of a naked woman licking another woman's foot. It was from a foot fetish blog and the post at the top of the page was entitled, 'Paint My Toenails And Cum On My Feet.' ( Quite the romantic, huh? ) And for the Creme-DE-La-Creme of pic searches was my find of the day. The search term underarm hair brought me to this choice site. Scroll down on the link and click on VT-10320 and prepare to be shocked and awed.

Now excuse me for a little bit. I am off googlin' around.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Out Of Tune Or Out Of Focus

I recently read a news story where the financial guru, Suze Orman, claims to be a virgin as she has never been with a man. Suze is a confirmed lesbian and evidently believes that lesbian sexual practices do not constitute a loss of virginity.

I really don't want this construed as anti-lesbian but I am reminded of the line quoted by Jack Nicholson in the movie, 'Goin' South'. " You can always tell a virgin by the whites of her eyes. It's because she is out of tune with nature. I don't mean to put callouses on my hand pattin' myself on the back but I have put a few women in tune with nature. "

Although she might have a point, I disagree with Suze Orman on the fact that she is a virgin. The old definition of penis in vagina sex as the only loss of virginity is just a little trite in today's world. Just because a gal has only licked, sucked, fingered, or fisted doesn't make her a virgin, it just proves the old maxim, different strokes for different strokes.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Flower Power Of Madison Avenue

While watching Heroes last night, I saw a commercial for mutual funds that was filled with flower power images and using the tune In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly. I have always had not so fond memories of this tune. Every weekend morning my father would crank up this tune at level 11 on his state of the art 8 track stereo in order to wake me up to start the day of pipe moving, fence building, manure shoveling, or whatever passed for work on the farm and ranch. The commercial really got me to thinking of why a song that is basically a musical homage to dropping acid would make a good mutual fund seller. Maybe some other old tunes from the days of flower power could sell a wide array of products.

1. Jefferson Airplane's, White Rabbit would work great selling arthritis relief medication.
2. Donavon's, Mellow Yellow for Prozac.
3. War's, Spill The Wine for Shout Stain Remover.
4. The Dave Clark Five's, Everybody Get Together for Cialis.
5. Scott Mackenzies, If You're Going To San Francisco for Teleflora.
6. The Cowsill's, Hair for shampoo and conditioner.
7. Norman Greenbaum's, Spirit in the Sky for a mortuary service.
8. Bob Dylan's, Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 for Home Depot's line of paving materials.
9. Oliver's, Good Morning Starshine for Lunesta.
10. Mungo Jerry's, In The Summertime for Coppertone.

But I guess the reason for the commercial was simple, the other day I was reading a story on astronomy that stated we are now entering another age of Aquarius. Maybe that's the reason for all the hip hugger jeans and muffin tops that I have been seeing lately.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

What's In The Name

I have always been amazed by the way that certain people's names just roll off the tongue. Names like Antonio Bandaras, Gerard Depardieu, and Hakeem 'The Dream' Olajuwan flow like the Missississippi River. These people had it easy by being born with them. Others weren't so lucky and had to make a new name for themselves like Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, and Linda Lovelace.

Stan 'The Man' Lee was a master at creating comic book hero names that flowed and could be easily remembered. Names such as Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Peter Parker, Bruce Banner, and Matt Murdoch with their twist of using repeating letters made them flow and etched them in the memory.

I wonder how many people think of this when creating a user name for their blogs. My user name is a twisted little bit of a joke. Most people when responding to me use the shortened version of Fuzz. No one really calls me by my first name. And I always liked :P.

BTW, the pin-up model from the '50's in the pic name is Betty Brossmer. Now that's a name that should be remembered.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Valentine's Day Do's and Don'ts

Just thought that I would try to give a little Valentines Day gift giving guideline for those guys that may be a little perplexed by the whole gift giving dilemma.

  1. While giving your significant other a pearl necklace is a great all season gift, on Valentine's Day opt for a diamond.
  2. While giving a cute little puppy or a fuzzy little kitty is a good pet to give for the occasion, crabs are not.
  3. Unless your significant other is a diabetic, do not give her sugar-free candy. Even if she normally eats only sugar-free candy, she will think you are calling her fat.
  4. Flowers are always a good bet but if you steal some from a cemetery remember to discard any R.I.P. cards.
  5. Remember re-gifting is bad and sex toys are not recyclable.

If guys would remember these few short simple rules, then we all could have a better Valentine's Day. Remember you get more nookie with a cookie but it's hard to lose with the right amount of booze.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Farewell Anna

In many ways her life was a punchline for so many jokes. But say what you will, in a world where skinny waifs ruled the media, she brought back curves to the world of glamour. For that I am grateful. Farewell Anna.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Big Top Triangle

Lilly was the blonde beauty on the flying trapeze.
With the face of an angel and a body built to please.
She shared her nights in a trailer with Iron Man Fred,
The Strong Man with rippling biceps and a bright shining bald head.
This couple was magic and a wondrous sight
With her high flying antics and all of his might.
But one day the trouble came down.
When Lilly fell for Baby Faced Bill the Midget Clown.
Iron Man Fred was brought weak to his knees,
Wailing and crying he asked her, 'Oh Why, Tell me please!'
She hemmed and she hawed and her hands she wrung,
And she told him that, 'He's only four foot two but has a sixteen inch tongue.'
So now Lilly and Bill have a nice little nest,
Eventhough he has to stand on a milk crate to get to her chest.
What a position she thinks as they stand flat footed in their room
And still Bill stands tall licking her womb.