Thursday, April 13, 2006
You will more likely hear 'Bodies' by Drowning Pool or 'One' by Metallica coming from my speakers than you will hear 'Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mothers' by Jerry Jeff Walker or ' You Never Even Called Me By My Name ' by David Allen Coe. My musical tastes run more to Metal and Alt Rock than Country and Western. I must admit however that growing up and living in West Texas, I am quite learned in the genre. A person would have to live under a mighty big rock not to have. For one thing it is blaring out of the speakers of three out of five pick up trucks that you pass on the road. And for another thing every decent singles bar in West Texas is a Honky Tonk. So as you may imagine before Angry Joyce led me from my wild and rambling ways, I heard a lot of country music.
I have always preferred my country music with a little kick to it. I prefer the outlaws like Jerry Jeff Walker, David Allen Coe, Gary Stewart, Charlie Daniels and their like. However some Country Music baffles the shit out of me. Country Music is the only type of music that could come up with such outlandish song titles. Here is a short list of some actual titles that really make you wonder about the composers.
Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away
I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like Having You Here
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
Can't Get Over You So Why Don't You Get Under Me
Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except For Mine
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know What Came Over Me When I Came All Over You
I Don't Care If It Rains Or Freezes As Long As I Have My Plastic Jesus Sitting On The Dashboard Of My Car
I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of You
I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)
I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love
Redneck Martians Stole My Baby
When You Wrapped My Lunch In A Road Map, I Knew You Meant Goodbye
Warm Beer and Cold Women
Some of these I have heard and some I have not but one that sounds like a good theme song if I can just find the damn thing is titled 'I Wish I Were A Lesbian.' Kinda brings a tear to my eye. I think I'll go out and pick up a six-pack of Lone Star Beer and chunk the empty long neck bottles at roadsigns while riding around backroads and singing my favorite George Jones tune.
"Last Night I broke the seal off a Jim Beam Decanter,
That Looked like Elvis
Then I tore the label off of a
Flintstone Jelly Jar.
I pulled the head off Elvis
I filled Fred up to the pelvis.
The King is gone and So are you!"
Of Course, I will have to get a Designated Driver because eventhough there is a song, ' Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat ', John Anderson said it best. " When You Get On The Whiskey (Let Somebody Else Drive.) "