Thursday, April 13, 2006

Yee Haw

You will more likely hear 'Bodies' by Drowning Pool or 'One' by Metallica coming from my speakers than you will hear 'Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mothers' by Jerry Jeff Walker or ' You Never Even Called Me By My Name ' by David Allen Coe. My musical tastes run more to Metal and Alt Rock than Country and Western. I must admit however that growing up and living in West Texas, I am quite learned in the genre. A person would have to live under a mighty big rock not to have. For one thing it is blaring out of the speakers of three out of five pick up trucks that you pass on the road. And for another thing every decent singles bar in West Texas is a Honky Tonk. So as you may imagine before Angry Joyce led me from my wild and rambling ways, I heard a lot of country music.

I have always preferred my country music with a little kick to it. I prefer the outlaws like Jerry Jeff Walker, David Allen Coe, Gary Stewart, Charlie Daniels and their like. However some Country Music baffles the shit out of me. Country Music is the only type of music that could come up with such outlandish song titles. Here is a short list of some actual titles that really make you wonder about the composers.

Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away
I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like Having You Here
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
Can't Get Over You So Why Don't You Get Under Me
Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except For Mine
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know What Came Over Me When I Came All Over You
I Don't Care If It Rains Or Freezes As Long As I Have My Plastic Jesus Sitting On The Dashboard Of My Car
I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of You
I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)
I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love
Redneck Martians Stole My Baby
When You Wrapped My Lunch In A Road Map, I Knew You Meant Goodbye
Warm Beer and Cold Women

Some of these I have heard and some I have not but one that sounds like a good theme song if I can just find the damn thing is titled 'I Wish I Were A Lesbian.' Kinda brings a tear to my eye. I think I'll go out and pick up a six-pack of Lone Star Beer and chunk the empty long neck bottles at roadsigns while riding around backroads and singing my favorite George Jones tune.

"Last Night I broke the seal off a Jim Beam Decanter,
That Looked like Elvis
Then I tore the label off of a
Flintstone Jelly Jar.
I pulled the head off Elvis
I filled Fred up to the pelvis.
The King is gone and So are you!"

Of Course, I will have to get a Designated Driver because eventhough there is a song, ' Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat ', John Anderson said it best. " When You Get On The Whiskey (Let Somebody Else Drive.) "


Curare_Z said...

"You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly?"

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. That's a really song title? I can't stop laughing.

And I'm the 1st poster. Yeah me!

Ranea said...

"Redneck aliens stole your baby" huh? Are you sure it wasn't a Chupa, or a Bigfoots. ROFLMAO

Metal Mark said...

These make metal lyrics sound not so bad.

angel, jr. said...

The very reason I love country.

Mimi said...

I had no idea country got that good!

:P fuzzbox said...

cz: Congrats on being the first poster. A rather dubious honor to say the least. All of the sings were listed on my reference site as 100% legit and there were enough on the site that I knew that I don't doubt it.

ranea: Inspiration can be found in the strangest of places.

metal mark: I don't know I bet with some of those titles that a person could make one hell of a metal song. I would love to hear a metal version of 'I don't know what came over me when I came all over you.'

angel jr: I knew that you could relate. BTW extra bonus points if you correctly identify the singer of 'Get your tongue out of my mouth cause I'm kissing you good-bye.'

mimi: Some of these sound downright kickin'.

April said...

Ah, country music.

Just shows you what rednecks that think they're intelligent and funny can come up with.


I really do like some of it...

Reiki said...

FUXX, this link made me think of you for some reason...

ozymandiaz said...

Damn, I gotta start listening to more country with song titles like that. I thought it was all just that "tear in my beer" crap. Those sound friggin' hilarious, though. Another benefit of course would be I wouldn't gain any weight as i would be pukin all the time...

cleveland said...

yes sir that is some beer drinkin music hell think i will go tip some cows tonight and find a stump broke mule good post fuzz

Bruce said...

My fave country song title is Dropkick Me Jesus Through the Goalpost of Life(yes, it's a real song).

:P fuzzbox said...

april: That middle part of your comment pretty much describes everyone of my posts ;)

dear jane: I will have to check it out when I get home since I am blocked from most videos at work. Damnit.

ozy: Just one more advantage.

cleveland: Just watch out for those one winged chickens. They are already spoken for ya know.

bruce: That is one of my faves. My dad was fond of singing the words to ' I've got tears in my ears from lying on my back and crying over you.'

Green Eyes said...

Fuzz, you know I'm a great DD, I volunteer.

I'll even hold you back from falling out of truck when you over throw that bottle!

starbender said...

Luv those song titles'
Amazing they sell at all!

siren said...

"I Wish I Were a Woman So I Could Go Out with a Guy Like Me". That is so funny; I have a good idea of who would sing a song like that ;)

Perplexio said...

Actually the Bloodhound Gang (infamous for their 2000 hit The Bad Touch) did a song back in the late 90s titled I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks. It wasn't country, but it had lyrics that would not have sounded entirely out of place in a country song.

And Toto guitarist, Steve Lukather, wanted to title his first solo album I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except For Mine. The execs at his record label wouldn't allow it. Lukather is actually quite a potty mouth (so while Toto's music may be "tame" Toto concerts aren't for the kiddies, because Lukather is notorious for saying things that would make even the raunchiest mysoginistic rednecks blush). Maybe he missed his calling and plays guitar in the wrong genre...

The Phoenix said...

Drinking Jim Beam out of a Flinstone Jelly Jar? that's depression right there.

:P fuzzbox said...

green eyes: Thanks, I am terribly out of practice.

starbender: There is always a market for the offbeat.

siren: ;)

perplexio: I don't know it takes quite a bit to make a redneck blush.

phoenix: Only if you have to eat the jelly first.

guerrilla blogger said...

i go from marylin manson to dwight Dwight Yoakam favorite wierd line in a country song is "i'm begging dolly's pardon if i'm hurting charlie's pride." but still not as cool as hearing a fat chick fart

Ann Alsex said...

My Pookie wrote "If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love". He sued for the royalties, but he did not win.

Perplexio said...

Fuzz: At one point Lukather posted a graphically detailed account of his experiences with dysentery when on tour with Toto in SouthEast Asia. He attributed the dysentery to a creature living in his ass whom he had affectionately named "Bob." I wish I still had a copy of the posting as it was quite amusing once you were able to get past how absolutely disgusting it was. On one of the bootlegs I have Lukather gets into an audience participation thing where he would yell out "FUCK" and the audience would yell back "YEAH!" after about 4 or 5 times Lukather said, "Oh my God, I think I just came."

:P fuzzbox said...

gb: For some reason when I saw the fat girl farting title a strange Q word popped into my head. Funny how that happens.

ann: You are an inspiration :)

perplexio: Sounds like he needed to get a cat to get after that gerbil.

the weirdgirl said...

I'm glad you said they were real because I really thought you were joking. Obviously I'm not a country gal. Great post!

Oh, and I've heard a fat girl fart... I'd rather hear a pretty boy sing (and I don't like pretty boys).

And the Bloodhound Gang song is pretty fucking funny.

:P fuzzbox said...

weirdgirl: Thanks, but I still am opting for pudgy flatulance.

Dear Jane: I caught that video. It is me to the fucking bone.

The middle part of my word verifacation was pig. That is freakin' awesome.

Rocky said...

Wow, these are some great song titles. These belong in one great box set. It should have its own infomercial at 3 AM. Great post, Fuzz.

:P fuzzbox said...

rocky: I love infomercials. Maybe I could do the voiceover if I pitched the idea. I have the voice for it.