Monday, April 17, 2006

Redneck Supermen


In the village where I work there is a set of twins. These twins, Bob and Bill, are legendary in this small community. The attribute behind their incredible legendary status is the type of attribute that every man would be envious towards. They are known to be hung like horses.

How did they come by this generous endowment of manly virtue? If you guessed heredity, then you would be wrong. Their mother is not generally known as soft spoken and when asked where the boys came by their massive members her only reply is, 'They damn sure didn't get it from their Daddy."

No they worked at it. As young children they would take a string and tie one end of the string to their penises and the other end to a brick and walk around the yard with the brick dangling down between their legs. Their mother has stated that at first she would go out and cut the string but as soon as her back was turned, the boys would tie it back and keep on roaming around with the brick tied to their peckers.

After they had grown up some they graduated to sitting on top of a dilapidated bus that was sitting on a frame in a vacant lot. They would tie the string to their pecker and the other end of the string to a brick and toss the brick over the side. It was kind of like bungeeing for the brick with their peckers as the anchor.

Later in life, Bob worked in a gravel pit driving a maintainer. One day a thunderstorm popped up and his maintainer was struck by lightning. From that day forward, Bob was certain that electricity held no power over him or his unit. He proved this by testing his new found power on an electric fence. He knew of a fence that was not phased down or powered by a solar charger but wired directly in to a 110 volt current. He gradually lowered his member to the electric fence and when he was an inch to an inch and a half away from the wire, an arc of electricity shot out and zapped him right in the head of his pecker. He turned with a smile to a friend and stated, " See, It don't even hurt."

Many men would like to have an electrifyingly long penis. The net is filled with pop-up ads and e-mails are filled with spam concerning penis enlargement. Everything from ginseng root, to penis pumps, to pills like Viagra are right at your fingertips just a click or two away. But these guys found the secret to success. Personally, I would say don't try this at home. Not every man is a Redneck Superman. As for me, I am thankful for the one that I have and don't want to jack around with Mother Nature's gift. (Unless it's all in fun.) Tying a brick to my root just seems a mite bit painful and I am not even going to comment on the effect of an electric fence zapping me on the head of my pecker. That is just shocking.

35 comments:

starbender said...

Ouch!
Talk about being
"HUNG-OVER"
heheheee... Luv'd
the story!
;]

Bruce said...

Didn't I see them in "Deliverance", making poor old Ned Beatty squeal?

Anelize said...

Those boys could make a lot of money starting their own website. You should help them fuzz. *grin* Consider it a public service to the size queens of the world.....

Curare_Z said...

But how successful are they, really? I'm left wondering, "have they actually used those on anyone," or have the girls run away screaming? If the latter is true...then the "super long dong twins" title is an empty one. ;-)

Mimi said...

The stupid people of the world never cease to shock me. And know they are shocking themselves.

Ann Alsex said...

Sounds like kinky fun to me!

Fuckkit said...

Weeeeell ya gotta have a hobby.

April said...

omg...this is a joke, right???

Ranea said...

I've heard of knuckle draggers before but not sack draggers! What a picture you paint Fuzz:O

Jamie said...

Good for a rope, but not a stick, I bet...

Green Eyes said...

I don't know how you continually do it, but the visions in my head are killing me!

ozymandiaz said...

That's one helluva nieghborhood you got there Fuzz. You got chupacabres, bigfoots (bigfeet?), aliens, Crazy Dan, and now the Dong Brothers...
You guys must have some hellatios town bar-b-qs.

siren said...

Wow, I would say that at least they should get an A for effort. Many people don't have that kind of vision and tenacity :)

angel, jr. said...

Twin studies, especially monozygotic ones are beneficial for genetics.

Sherri said...

Hmmmm.... it gets the mind wondering. Now, if he couldn't feel an electric arc zapping his 'goodies', does he even have any feeling in that thing?? LOL

That would certainly take all the fun out of sex. Yikes!

:P fuzzbox said...

starbender: Thanks it does have a bit of pain factor. But you know what they say. No Pain No Gain.

bruce: Like a pig.

anelize: Maybe they could find their way into some niche ;)

cz: They were very popular in some circles.

:P fuzzbox said...

mimi: Sometimes the world can be an electric wonderland.

ann: I thought you might feel that way.

fuckkit: Whatever gets you through the night, I suppose.

april: Although it does have a humorous side to the story the only aspect of the story that I changed from the actual truth is their names to protect their anonymity.

ranea: But what about moose knuckles :)

:P fuzzbox said...

jamie: Unless the stick is really bendy.

green eyes: I am just warped that way, I guess.

ozy: I think that quirks just are easier to spot in small places. In a large place with everything going on the norm is rather broad but in a small place the different can be seen. That and it might be something in the water.

siren: It does point to a certain fortitude of will.

angel jr: I am sure that it would be a treasure trove of info.

sherri: But if one could harness, store and release that energy in small doses. Just Imagine. Try not to think about it too much though. You might not be able to get much work done today with that line of thought.

Perplexio said...

That just sounds far too incredibly painful to even imagine...

I once read of an African tribe that did the weight thing with their penises. As a result they were rather long, but incidentally only about as big around as a standard #2 pencil. I don't know if I'd be willing to sacrifice that much girth for that much more length. At any rate I wouldn't be inclined to endure such an excrutiatingly painful experience to achieve such length.

Metal Mark said...

I am cringing just from reading this.

:P fuzzbox said...

perplexio: I watched a documentary once where a Yogi took a stick and wound his penis up around the stick like a yo-you string pulled the stick down and wound it up more and more. And did incredible lifting and stretching feats with his penis, this is pretty tame in comparison.

metal mark: It is rather disturbing.

Perplexio said...

The ladies can correct me if I'm wrong here, but wouldn't those guys be a lot more popular if they'd stretched out their tongues instead? ;-)

:P fuzzbox said...

perplexio: Speaking as a male lesbian, I can attest that it is not the length of the tongue, although that can help to a certain extent but the speed, dexterity, skill, and willingness to please of the user that far outweighs length of any limb. Whether that be tongue or any other part.

phlegmfatale said...

That's pretty obnoxious. I'd like to hear a performance report, though. Are they all long and floppy and useless on the job? If we ladies were gossiping about such things, that is a detail we wouldn't omit...

Keshi said...

lollz Fuzz! maybe he's dead down there? lol!

Keshi.

jane said...

Oh c'mon Fuzz, tie a damn brick to it & blog about it. You can even blog as the process is taking place, give us a blow by blow account.
I bet their mama was mighty proud!

Michael said...

With a string tied to the member, wouldn't it look more like a licorice whip than a bonified manmeat?
I've gotta send you my alien joke.
Right up your alley.
Great start to my day here.
Thanks, Fuzz...

~m

:P fuzzbox said...

pf: I always wondered what y'all talked about when you you paired up to go to the can.

keshi: Try to see things as half full.

jane: Bet she is brimming with pride.

michael: Thanks. Always up for a joke.

Shay said...

Oh my Goodness!!

I know there are some tribes that tie rocks to their penii to make them grow longer, but I wonder if it really works - sounds kinda crazy too me.
If I had a penis I certainly wouldn't want to risk damaging it beyond repair, no matter how badly I wanted a super long one.

:P fuzzbox said...

shay: I figured you might get a kick out of the story.

Jim said...

maybe they were stealing bricks

:P fuzzbox said...

Kinda like a new take on the old Johnny Cash tune except this is 'One Brick at a Time.'

Jim said...

yeh, and they were working their way up to cattle rustling (by grounding the fence)

the weirdgirl said...

Damn, I love visiting your site!

:P fuzzbox said...

jim: Either that or getting charged up for some heifers.

weirdgirl: Thanks, I appreciate that more than you will ever know.