Wednesday, April 05, 2006
The Hunt: Episode Three - Truths Revealed
As the sound of clanging metal, the blast of gunfire, and the roar of an unnatural beast shattered the stillness of the night, Phred, Cleveland and I rushed to the sound of the Bigfoot attack. When we arrived, Big D and Crazy Dan were being tossed around like rag dolls by three of the largest mangiest beasts that I have ever seen. Not waiting for the others behind me, I launched myself for the attack. Just as I reached the foul smelling beasts, the entire area was bathed in an eery green light and a strange throbbing hum vibrated me to my very bone.
The Bigfoots covered their ears and howled in pain then ran through the brush. I turned around and Phred and Cleveland were staring up into the night sky with a wondrous look of awe on their face. As I turned to look at the direction of their gaze, I saw a strange craft in the night sky. It looked almost like an old camper trailer but it seemed to me that the thing was held together by duct tape and a prayer. Just as I mused on the bravery that it must take to ride in such a rust bucket, a shaft of light shot out of the craft. I felt as if a cat had walked across my grave and every hair on my back stood upon end and then all was dark.
When I regained my senses, I realized that I had been transported to the alien craft. I looked around and it appeared that I was the only member of the hunting party to be transported to the alien craft. I was alone in the midst of various extraterriestrial creatures. Some appeared alien much like the classic vision of aliens in popular culture but there was one creature that appeared human and seemed to be the leader of the group. He walked up to me and said, " Fuzz, I'm yo Daddy." I could not run and was too shocked to fight, so I sat and waited for an explanation.
The alien explained to me that in 1965, while on a routine scouting mission from the planet Yonder with his mate and infant son, his ship experienced craft trouble. ( I could not doubt the idea of craft trouble. If this was the same craft. I don't know how he got it out of the garage, much less travel through space.) He repaired the craft to the best of his ability but was afraid of being able to complete the return journey. Both him and his mate were concerned for the safety of their infant son. Since their appearance was a duplicate of human they waited by the side of the road waiting for a car to come along and offer assistance. A young couple came along down Highway 82. The aliens took the young couple into their confidence and they agreed to care for the child as their own until the aliens could return if they were able.
The alien then explained that due to various complacations he had not been able to return for quite some time. He had been on various search missions to find me but his ship had never before regestered my genetic markers. He then seemed animated as he hugged me and told me that I could now go home. He then paused awaiting my response.
While letting the whole story soak into my brain, I asked the alien where my friends were. He replied that they were being prepped for anal probing. I told him to stop. These were my friends and should not be subjected to any sort of probing, particularly of the anal variety. The creature, who claimed to be my father, then instructed one of the strange looking extraterrestrials to go and halt all examinations of the humans.
After only a few more seconds, the impact of his speech hit me in full force and I formulated my response. "I have always known that I was a bit out there so I guess it isn't a complete shocker to be from out there. But this is my home and here I must stay." , I replied.
The alien, who told me his name was Slix Bob 69, appeared saddened but then told me that I must learn of my heritage. He took me to what appeared to be a computer monitor and affixed various wires to my head. It was just like in 'The Matrix', images pored into my brain and soon I knew the entire history of the planet of my birth ( actually I was born on a moon of the planet Yonder, known as OverYonder.). I learned of my father and mother and the sacrifice that they had made to ensure my safety.
The aliens then transported us back to our campsite. I told the others of what had happened to me. They did not appear to doubt me. I suppose that they had seen enough strange things this night, that this seemed believable. We then turned our attentions back to the chupacabras but they were gone. In their place were only the tracks of theiving Bigfoots.
The hunting trip was over. We went our seperate ways for we had a lot to think about. The world is indeed a strange place. I noticed that Phred walked with a slight gimp while heading to his truck. I asked him what happened. When he turned around, I could see the answer in his eyes. Sorry I didn't speak up sooner, my friend.
The End. For now.......
The Authorized Version.