Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Ode To A Vienna

Late last night, my heart quickened
For the taste of mechanically seperated chicken.
To the Cupboard, My quest began
Searching for that meaty goodness in a can.

I do not spot it but I know it's there.
I continue my search. I do not despair.
Eureka, I spy, Behind the boil-in-bag rice
Beside the salt, pepper, and spice.

I pull back the lid and peer inside.
Joy of Joy my eyes open wide.
The juice is warm and fluid
Not like goo on the corpse of a Druid.

I tip the jar and drink the brine.
Oh the taste, so mighty fine.
Carefully so carefully, I pull out the wiener
Success, one whole piece, it could come out no cleaner.

My snack complete. I'm off to rest.
Perchance to dream, perhaps of breasts.
But just as I start to nod,
Acid Reflux, Oh My God!


Jamie said...

Ok, I gagged that you drank the juice...

Big D said...

snap snap snap snap

Mimi said...

Oh, that is just so gross. Like Jamie I about gagged when you drank the juice.

But great poetry! ;)

The Phoenix said...

Ouch my stomach really hurts.
For the next 2 hours I have the Hershey squirts.

Vic said...

I love Vienna Sausages! On crackers? Are you kidding me? They're awesome!

But drinking the juice, Fuzz? That's just nasty! ;-)

:P fuzzbox said...

jamie: I like the juice if it is liquid. It is when it is it is cold and congealed that is sickening.

big d: Thanks for the snaps.

mimi: Thanks!

phoenix: Sorry bout that. Maybe some bologna would help.

vic: Gotsta have the crackers. Saltines. None of that Ritz crap. But the juice is the best part. Crazee Tastee.

Sherri said...

Oh yuck!!! I'm grossed out....

There's just something about meat in a can that doesn't sit well with me. LOL

Curare_Z said...

"Not like goo on the corpse of a Druid" LOL

The image you put inside my head
Will, for this day, fill me with dread

:P fuzzbox said...

sherri: I work with a guy whose favorite snack is potted meat and Cheetos. He eats it Fritos and bean dip fashion. I've tried it and let me tell you it ain't all that.

cz: It was hard to come up with something that rhymed with fluid. But inspiration struck. Sorry about the visual.

ozymandiaz said...

I bow before the superior intelect. Anyone one who can work "mechanicaly seperated chicken" in to a poem is a master at the art.

:P fuzzbox said...

ozy: No you are the undisputed master of the poetic arts. My attempt is but a mere flight of fancy. I had to work the last line over about five times. I could think of nothing rhyming with heartburn.

Metal Mark said...

I ate too many of these meat torpedoes when I was in college. I never realized before how hard it would be to find a word that rhymed with fluid.

Green Eyes said...

Fuzz, I'm so impressed with your intellect! Loved it!

And no, I have no comment on the yuck factor, I had decided to block all visuals before I read your post today.

*on my knees thanking my intuition*

Ann Alsex said...

I do not like small weanies too much.

But your way of writing is beautiful Fuxxy!

siren said...

Nothing sounds more delicious than meat in a can. Yummy!

:P fuzzbox said...

metal mark: Meat Torpedoes? I might have to start censoring your comments. ;)

green eyes: I thank you. You are far too kind.

ann: Small weinies aren't for everyone. :)

siren: Gotta luv it.

Ranea said...

I am with Ozy, your a God Fuzz!LOL

the weirdgirl said...

Awesome! I love some canned meat. My favorite is Devilwood roast beef with cream cheese on crackers. Oh yeah, that's the stuff.

Good job, fuzz! And I checked my Rhyming Dictionary... the only rhyme listed for fluid is druid. Of course, you could always have gone with the slant rhymes of putrid or lucid (but doesn't quite fit the theme as well).

:P fuzzbox said...

ranea: I am but a mere mortal. But I thank you for your compliment.

weirdgirl: I am not surprised that druid is the only thing that rhymes with fluid. I just am thankful that my fantasy reading finally paid off.

Bruce said...

Funny, but you don't seem Druish... :p

Extra points if you can tell me what movie that line is from.

April said...

Oh...just when I thought you couldn't get any more offensive...


Keshi said...

I dun think I have eaten those sausages ever...lucky me I guess!


Fuckkit said...

Thats beautiful, man. Sheer poetry ;)

David Amulet said...

A hidden poet ... who knew?

-- david

Anelize said...

ick. I always hated those things. Right up there with spam. Which, in case you didn't know, is a delicacy in Alaska. They LOVE it up there. I don't recall if the sausages were similarly high on the menu. But, the poem is nice. :)

:P fuzzbox said...

bruce: I know I have heard that somewhere but for the life of me I can't think of where. I keep thinking either Spinal Tap or Monty Python and the Holy Graille. But I don't think that either of those is right.

april: Sometimes I think that there is no end to my depravity.

keshi: There the bomb. Something about mechanically seperated chicken that just is awesome.

fuckkit: Thank you. And I really like your new icon. Snazzy!

david: And I would think that many would wish it to stay hidden.

anelize: I did not know that they were big Spam eaters in Alaska. I have heard that they love it in Hawaii and that they were the biggest per capita eaters of Spam in the United States. They also are infatuated with robust women. Big women, Spam, and lots of beaches sounds like my kind of joint.

Bruce said...

Fuzz- it's from "Spaceballs"....

:P fuzzbox said...

Damn, I should have known. Thanks.

Michael said...

Seems I'm always late visiting here.
I now see where the sausage comment came from. Very, very funny.
A poet, eh?


:P fuzzbox said...

I do not know if I would go as far as to say that I am a poet although I did have fun with this post. And I have read that somewhere. Maybe it was on Weirdgirls site she had some links up regarding the subject of placenta eaters. I also heard that it was the only meat that some vegatarians would eat since it did not require killing an animal to obtain it.

Jo Janoski said...

Okay, I'm definitely laughing now while at the same time writing off canned wieners forever...LOL.

:P fuzzbox said...

I'm glad you liked it. Just stay away from the potted meat and Cheetos. It is a deadly combo.