Sunday, September 03, 2006

A Breath Of Fresh Air

When a man first gets married, he might be under the impression that he has married an angel. But soon afterwards, he realizes that she is only human. This happens the first time she lets rip a fart whose fumes come from the bowels of hell itself. Yes that's right, she has been tricking you and saving up that stench for that oh so special first ripper.

A woman might not fart as much as a man but speaking from experience when she does it will gag a maggot off a gut wagon. Last night while dozing, I heard a rip and then the fumes rippled through the sheets and the full assault on my nasal cavity began. While laying there in a stench induced fog, I came up with a marvelous new product idea; The Fantastic Fuzz Fart Fan Induced Febreze Fanny Plug. It is built on the same premise as the air fresheners that you install in your cars vent. It can come in two different models: The simple no-nonsense econo-model and the Super Deluxe. The Super Deluxe Fantastic Fuzz Fart Fan Induced Febreze Fanny Plug also has a built in music machine that is activated by the fart gases passing through the fan.

As this product can be used by both sexes, besides making your life better, it would make a great gift idea for that crazy uncle that is always asking someone to pull his finger. It would also work wonders to alert you when the co-worker, who is adept at the fart and run SBD fart, lets it rip.

So hurry up and put in your order. The Fantastic Fuzz Fart Fan Induced Febreze Fanny Plug can't be found in any store. Supplies are limited. Don't be the last one on your block to own this wonderful innovation.

Speaking of topics where the honeymoon is over. On BvB, two great bloggers, Sugar Daddy and Ol' Lady, take on the topic of Marraige and Sex.


Rocky said...

This fan is a great idea Fuzz but you do risk a lawsuit in the event of an ambush fart (person thinks they are going to fart, but it ends up being crap).

Brings new meaning to the shit hitting the fan, my friend.

Mimi said...

It sounds like a good idea. But I think the people who would really need them would not put them in. That crazy uncle enjoys grossing us out.

tsduff said...

I think these would make excellent stocking stuffers.

Vic said...

I normally agree with you on all things Fuzz, but this time I'm afraid I have to disagree. I DO NOT fart. Hubby would tell you this is fact. We've decided that the major cause/reason for it is that I do not close my mouth long enough to build up the pressure needed to push the things out. Pretty sad huh?

yellowdog granny said...

just buy a dog..and blame the farts on them...worked in our home..

oldfartswife said...

hey fuzz after this post I would watch my back. No butt plug fan for me, no sir.
Never hold your farts in, that is where shitty ideas come from. For some sick reason farting makes me laugh. I once took a poll and everyone (who told the truth), admitted to me they always fart with their first morning pee. I really am sick. Watch and listen, see if I am wrong, you know you will! hehe
Pfffft....woooo-doggies that was a wet one!

Big Pissy said...

You are a genius and should make a fortune off of this!

Hope you've already filed for a patent!

angry joyce said...

Like you have never made me gag! Kiss my Fabreze butt plug!! Fucktard!!!

angel, jr. said...

I think that since they hold the fart in, it brews for all those years.

Anonymous said...

fartastic. Oh and I like Angry Joyce. Her comments rock.

Catch said...

Well Fuzz I think Angry Joyce is good and pissed at you now! And we women are so different than you guys love your farts....women are not like that. We would rather pretend we dont fart!

Keshi said...

** The Fantastic Fuzz Fart Fan Induced Febreze Fanny Plug.



Ben Heller said...

Sounds like Angry Joyce has encouraged you to think up a wonderful invention Fuzz.

You're going to have to have a re-think if you market the product in the UK.

"Fanny" is a slang word for vagina in our country.

:P fuzzbox said...

rocky: 'Shit hitting the fan'. Luv it!

mimi: The pull my finger uncles are usually whistlers so the musical one should be right up their alley. heheh

terry: Stuffers. heheheheheh

vic: That is sad. :(

granny: Yep, that is a tried and true method.

:P fuzzbox said...

old fart's wife: I generelly fart all the way down the hall before I pee.

pissy: Hopefully, I will be able to retire and live a life of luxury.

angry joyce: Luv ya!!! Mean it!!!!

angel, jr: It is great to get a medical opinion. You should get together a research team to delve into this issue.

:P fuzzbox said...

jenna: You should have heard her off line comment. :)

catch: She is always pissed at me. I can't really blame her this time.

keshi: :) Thanks!!!

ben: It looks like a change would be in order then for it is not designed as a queef reducer.

Ranea said...

Fuzz your fanny fan is a good idea. It would definately put a damper on my Hubby's dutch oven tries.

LisaBinDaCity said...

Might I just chime in and say OY ;-)

Paige Burns said...

I was laughing at the inital blog, but I had to wait until I was done crying from laughing from "queef reducer" before I could even write a comment.

Honestly enough, neither I nor Mr. B are very flatulent. Honest engine. ;)

starbender said...

hahaaaa, what a priceless idea.....


brings up the age old question:

Is it better
2 Burp it and taste it,
or fart it and waste it???


Ol' Lady said...

implode or explode? a question we all have at one time or another

:P fuzzbox said...

ranea: Yuch.

lisa: Yes you may.

paige: I love the word 'queef'. It always brings a smile to my face. It is one of those words that just sounds funny.

starbender: A question that ranks right up there with, 'To be or not to be.'

ol' lady: When in doubt, let 'er rip.

ozymandiaz said...

You speak a great truth, 'ol wise one.
When i first met the woman I was to eventually marry, I informed her that I am, in fact, a flatulent man. So flatulent that in high school I was voted most likely to become a natural resource. The truth is I can drink water and get gass. This being said it should be known I am much like a bog old family dog... all bark and no bite (usually).
My wife on the other hand has ninjas living in her ass. You never hear them comming but they are as deadly as a pit of vipers. I have come to learn that when she giggles and appologizes that I should run as if my life depended on it as it often does.

:P fuzzbox said...

I recognize that giggle far too well.

writerchick said...

Hey Fuzz, you could put Dr. Phil outta business with this one.

Laurie said...


That's quite creative.. you should patent that idea ;-)

jane said...

hahahaha omgosh this is so true. When I first met Tarzan I'd hide the Beanos & one day he found one on the floor & asked what it was. Probably a year or so ago (9 yrs together) he said, "Remember the good 'ol days when you used Beano?" hint, hint

michaelm said...

I'm wondering how Angry Joyce feels about this post... ;)
Amazing how things change after marriage, huh?
I'll be in the bathroom brushing my teeth when one of my daughters or my wife come in, sit down on the toilet and start doing their thing. It happens with such regularity that it doesn't even phase me anymore.
And yes, a woman floating an air bisquit can be a very dangerous thing.


Jamie Dawn said...

I've never seen the Supernova show you wrote about above. I don't plan on watching it either. American Idol is enough to drive me over the edge as it is. I'm enjoying the break from it. My kids tape it, and of course I end up watching a lot of the shows with them.
EEE GADS!! It's tooo much. I cant' handle another music show. I'm dreading the new Idol season.

I'd like to order one gross of those fart cork thingies.
A gross is 144, and that should be about enough.
I hope I get a discount price since I'm ordering in bulk.

:P fuzzbox said...

wc: He's a quack. I can give much better advice.

laurie: Hopefully I can make a mint.

jane: You could always fashion a little ladder from your bowl of beans. This would allow the farts to climb out.

michael: I don't call her Angry Joyce for nothing.

jamie dawn: I will put you down on back order. ;)