Thursday, September 21, 2006

Kiss My Ass: Workplace Fucktards


Most workers are hard working and try to get the job done but every place of employment usually has an unsupporting cast of pure fucktards. I know that you all know the types but I would like to list a few of these assbiscuits that I despise the most.

The Spy: This chikenshit douchebag asswipe waits in the shadows constantly searching for the minor mistakes of others. The spy is to busy backstabbing fellow employees to ever degrade themselves by actually doing any fucking work themselves. His or her only justification for keeping their miserable fucking jobs is to throw their fellow workers to the fucking wolves of upper management.

The Ass Smoocher: What's the difference between an asskisser and a brown noser? Depth perception. An ass smoocher is another waste of space fuckbubble. The get by on the mere fact that there is no ass that resides higher in the pecking order that they will not stoop to kiss. These asschunks usually are a raging dickhead/bitch to those underneath them on the corporate food chain. That is why karma is such a harsh bitch when these assmuffins eventually are booted down the ladder. Ass kissing without any substance to back it up will only let you slide for so long.

The Chameleon: Whenever there is work to be done and whenever someone is needed, the chameleon manages to blend into their surroundings and hid from any work related activity. Damn those bastards can hide. I think what pisses me off the most is that I never can figure out their hiding places.

These are just a few of the chickenfuckers that piss me off the most. I will not go into idiot supervisors, middle management fucktards, and corporate shills. That is a totally different can of one eyed wonder worms.

So to all those work a day cumbuckets that make the workday a piss of shit for the rest of us, Kiss My Ass. I hope you get fucking fired.

42 comments:

Ol' Lady said...

Whoo Hooo I'm first...come on fuzzbox...tell us what's really on your mind, ya know a little target shooting really helps calm the rage ;)

writer chick said...

You know my favorite? The idiot savants. The ones who are hired for the typing pool and then go about acting like the damned CEO. These idiots with the IQ of dirt, give you the condescending look when you call em on it. Waste of space, oxygen maggots!
LOL - gee, I'm starting to sound like you.
WC

Bruce said...

Oh, the stories I could tell you about the people I worked with in my last job. Maybe I will if you have a couple days...
These asswipes are a large part of why I don't have that job any more(and no, I didn't quit).

Catch said...

Fuzz...youve got to stop candy coating this stuff...lol. I hate working with the tattlers! Thats why I work alone....I know what I am doing..and even if I didnt, I would never tell on me! Have a good weekend Fuzz!

Keshi said...

The Chameleon sounds funny lol!

Keshi.

CT said...

you hit the nail on the coffin bro!!!! I hate those fucktards too!!!

phred said...

Hey, Fuzz..you know who gets your rejects?

We do....

michaelm said...

Over the years, I've had the opportunity to witness all three.
I think the chameleon pisses me off the most, though brown-nosing kissasses are kinda fun to watch...especially if the boss has a nasty case of diarrhea.

~m

Vic said...

You tell it Brother! I must say though that today I want to tell the Office Whining Bitch to kiss my ass. Quit telling everyone about your back hurting and your "conditions" that require special attention. Everyone knows you don't pull your weight so just shut the fuck up and do your job or quit already!

Wow, that felt good. Maybe I should really say it to her?

Mike said...

I've got some of each where I work now. Here's one: The Lost Puppy - This person doesn't know what to do unless there's someone giving them complete direction. Without it, things take forever for them to finish, but becasue they are also usually Ass Smoochers as well, they don't get fired.

oldfartswife said...

hey fuzz
those spying, ass smoochin chameleons can kiss my ass too!

no wait-send the ass smoocher to me-no job is too bit or small for them. Tell them I am hiding. Its dark in here. ha

you make me smile everytime I read you, because you are a happy and sick man.

Leigh said...

This was priceless. I printed it off and hung it in my office. I think every work place should have these listed somewhere visible by all. Thanks for the giggles.

Curare_Z said...

LOL. Preach it Fuzz. I am, unfortunately, surrounded by "Did I Do It Rights." These are the jerk-offs who can't take a shit without asking someone to pat them on the back and telling them they did a good job. UGH.

Ben said...

Boy I'm so glad I work from home. I daren't say anything bad about my boss or the staff because I work for an American company and they might be reading this.

jane said...

It's interesting that regardless of workplace, you will indeed find someone to fit every single description you listed. I hope the dumbfucks get fired too!

Green Eyes said...

Loved this one, Fuzz. Could you add the unemployment asses to your list. How the heck are you supposed to support a family on less than half your salary?

ozymandiaz said...

As a recently promoted supervisor, i have become even more familiar with the shitwads of whom you so elequently refer. But, being in this position, I kinda appreciate #2.

Johnny Wadd said...

You labeled those pretty well. I've defiantly got some ass kissers and spies in my group. All the real incompetent ones they just make managers.

:P fuzzbox said...

ol' lady: I would dearly love to target shoot some of these fucktards or an effigy of them anyway. ;)

wc: Damn I hate those fuckers. I have come to the conclusion that the bigger the fucking idiot the smarter they think that they are.

bruce: You definantly have to watch out for these backstabbing bastards.

catch: Have a great one!!!

keshi: They may sound funny but they are a total pain in the ass.

:P fuzzbox said...

ct: And there were so many that I didn't list.

phred: Gotta luv it. How is the pipe bidness these days?

michael: They can be a lot of fun. One of my favorite things to do is to give them false information and bad ideas knowing that they will go to the boss to get reward for someone elses idea. And sit back and watch the shitstorm.

vic: If there is one thing I can't stand it is whiny bitches. Tell them to send a letter to their mother because everyone elses give a shitter is broken.

mike: Damn I hate those fuckers. Especcially when they have imprinted themselves on me as someone that actually gives a fuck.

:P fuzzbox said...

old farts wife: Back when I was a manager, I hated those fucktards. I knew that the one kissing your ass up front was the one that stirs up the most shit out back. Before they even wiped the shit from the corners of their mouth. I just wanted to scream, 'Get your fucking lips off of my ass.'

leigh: Wow, you actually posted my post at your office. I am humbled and elated that you would think that much of it. Thank you!!! Have a great week and a great weekend. You have made mine.

cz: I know exactly what you mean. The slightest thing that they do is grounds for some kind of award for these yo-yo's.

ben: If you would rather e-mail me their names and I could curse them for you.

jane: And sooner rather than later.

:P fuzzbox said...

green eyes: Gladly added.

ozy: As I have said I hated them worse when I was a manager. They chafed me, I suppose.

johnny: Ain't that the fucking truth.

angel, jr. said...

The spy has to be the worse of the assbiscuits.

Gerald Ford said...

Ass-biscuits...

Ass-biscuits...

Ass-biscuits...

For some reason I keep thinking of dinner rolls, even though I know better.

I must be hungry.

Phats said...

Hmm I have done The Chameleon a few times I hope you don't think I am a fucktard. Sorry I am lazy.

phred said...

Fuzz, guess you heard..we have a new boss ???

Paige Burns said...

I was trying to not think about the fact I have to work tonight until I read this and it all came flooding back. Thanks Fuzz.

These people, of which I work with multiples of each, make me want to stab them in the eye with a fork. Bastards.

LisaBinDaCity said...

Amen, my brother, AMEN.

Mimi said...

In my working days I encounterted all of those fucktards. But I always seemed to work with the liars and they were in abundance. Always lying about being seriously ill or having a dead or dying family member. If these people were half as sick as they said they were they would be dead themselves. One I actually caught one time cause she said my step sisters grandmother died (who was her grandmother as well). BUSTED! Dumbass lied about a dead family member knowing I knew the woman! That deserves a fucktard award!

pure evyl said...

What about those lazy bitches that move ahead by offering blowjobs in the supply closet? I love those bitches.

Pixie said...

Dont forget the people who let you do all the work and then take credit for it themselves GRRR

In my experience the less work you do the higher up the ladder you climb.

starbender said...

ahhh, the chameleon! My favorite! My children are chameleon's (but only at my house) ...they say I don't pay them! hahahaaaa...... aren't they silly!?!?!
:o

:P fuzzbox said...

angel, jr: They certainly cause the most problems.

gerald: At least you weren't thinking of jelly rolls.

phats: Congrats on Purdue's win, you lazy fuck. ;)

phred: I have heard rumors. Nice to see the fucktard boss brought down a peg or two.

paige: Sorry 'bout that.

:P fuzzbox said...

lisa: Thank you!!!

mimi: I know where you are coming from. I worked with a guy that must have had a dozen grandmothers and they all died in the same year that I worked with him. It was tragic.

pure evyl: Ain't they grand!!!

pixie: It does seem that way at times.

starbender: I think it is an inborn trait in all kids.

Jenna Howard said...

But then comes the defining moment...when the office twit is...fired. Or she quits. Who cares...she's gone gone gone.

Whoot! Yeah baby!

:P fuzzbox said...

jenna: That is always a cause for celebration.

Jim said...

hence the purpose of keying a car, hypothetically of course

:P fuzzbox said...

Uh huh.

Laurie said...

I work with an RN who fits all three descriptions - a real piece of work and a true C__T. And let me tell ya - someone's gotta be bad for me to use the "C" word title...

the weirdgirl said...

Oh, I have been so lucky in life as to get to experience the beautiful day when a fucktard gets canned. It is a glorious, glorious thing.

Especially those sneaky spy bastards.

yellowdog granny said...

work? nah...assholes are one of the reasons why i dont look very hard for a part time job..unless i can find a job where i can stay home and insult people..im sticking with my SS#...fuckers

:P fuzzbox said...

laurie: I can use it being only mildly annoyed. It is a gift.

weirdgirl: That is a joyous occasion.

granny: If I could get paid for insulting people, I would be a fucking millionaire.