Friday, December 22, 2006

Checking The E-Mail

It has been awhile since I have done a Friday post but I have received an e-mail from a reader and I am sure that many readers might have had a similar problem.

Dear Fuzz,

I am writing to you in order to ask for your advice. Laying in bed spooning with my wife on a cold winters morning, she rattled a fart off of my leg. I called her a nasty bitch but now I am wondering if that was the proper response or if I should do something else.

Still Sickened

Dear Sickened,

A simple calling of a name and such an unoriginal curse is bound to leave you wanting a little payback. So give her the dutch oven treatment, elephant stamp her, and then sleep secure in the knowledge that you have responded correctly to such a crass affront to your dignity. But you might want to check all foodstuffs for poisons. Might I suggest a small dog and feed him from your plate before every meal to check for ill effects for a week or so.


Anonymous said...

dear fuzz
I laughed my azz off, the poor dog!
Looking forward to the fuzzroast!
I am first-woo-hoo
been a long time for me to be first at anything

the first 3 letters of my word verification were "eaz", I am off to buy a lotto ticket!

Curare_Z said...

LOL. I've *NEVER* done that to my husband....

Crazy Dan said...

I am glad to see that I am not the only one that faces this problem. Love you Breezy! But I believe your answer to this problem might complicate matters worse and I will end up having a Loreana Bobbit pulled on my genitals.

:P fuzzbox said...

ez: The dog wouldn't last long around here. I am just thankful that I have a strong constitution.

cz: Sure.

cd: Then you could really give her a dick in a box for Christmas.

anonymum said...

and if the roles are reversed and he's doing the farting? Dutch oven will work, but the elephant stamp could be a bit tricky...unless they have interactive womens toys??? hmm....may have to go shopping..
been lurking for little while via smoke and mirrors, but had to speak this time :-)

pure evyl said...

Much better advice than a simple pimp slap. Eventhough with a pimp slap, you could get 15 minutes of fame as you are hauled off by 'Cops' as Angry Joyce stands at the screen door and yells, 'Take his ass to Jail' without dropping the ashes of her Marlboro.

rockyjay said...

Merry Christmas!

Catch said...

Fuzz you always have just the right someone farted on my leg Id elephant stomp em for sure! Damn,I hate farts! Hey Fuzz.. you and your family have a great Christmas and God bless all of you!!!! Huggs

:P fuzzbox said...

evyl: I don't know if I'd make for an episode of Cops. I generelly have a shirt on.

rocky jay: And a Merry Christmas to you sir!!!

catch: Have a Great Christmas with all the goodies you can handle.

Paige Burns said...

Who the heck comes up with these phrases and definitions? And do I want to know why you know them? LOL

Have a wonderful Christmas Fuzz!

Anonymous said...

I'd have pushed her ass right out of bed and said that the back pressure did it!

Have a great Christmas Fuzz!

angel, jr. said...

Happy Holidays Fuzz!!

Phats said...

You taking over for Dear Abby?

Have a great and safe Holiday Fuzz :)

:P fuzzbox said...

paige: Some things are better left unknown. Have a great Christmas!!!

mike: That would have been some great advice as well. Have a safe and Merry Christmas.

angel, jr: And the best of the season to you as well sir.

phats: Have you heard her advice lately? Someone needs to. Have a great holiday!!!