The British bible of etiquette, Debrett's, has updated this year to keep up with modern times. Among topics discussed are; how to conduct a sleeze free adulterous affair, safe sex, and how to smoke at parties.
One choice quote is, 'Avoid dark alley gropery and unladylike fumbling in the back of a cab.' I might add a few choice tips for more mannered debauchery.
A lady never spits. Think happy thoughts and just swallow.
Do not answer a phone while having intercourse. Ringing sounds might have been sexually stimulating to the Hunchback of Notre Dame but not to the average man.
Never ask for favors or material possesions to a man after intercourse. Sure he is at a weak point and could be induced into just about anything but there is a word that sums up sex for material gain; prostitution.
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18 comments:
Good rules, all.
-- david
"Discuss the necessaries to avoid planting any love children or disease, and you're away."
LOL. That made me laugh *almost* as much as the staetment that elegance and proper behavior are as important when lunching with the Queen or cheating on your husband.
Say what?!
I agree with the swallowing thing. You should have added that a man doesn't like to kiss his own genitals after oral sex so "be kind, brush your teeth and wash your lips too".
david: And there are so many to add to the list.
cz: That is strange isn't it.
angel, jr: Sometimes sharing isn't caring.
We need an American version of this.
sex Sex SEX--
it's all over the internet!!! I can't escape its grasp! AUGH!!!!
hahahaaa
;)
phoenix: It would be an interesting project.
starbender: That's what the internet is for. Isn't it?
I have to agree with Phoenix: we need an American version of this.
Somebody needs to keep us on the straight and narrow..... ;-)
I have always thought that it is a polite thing to say bless you after a woman lets rip with a queef. It is done for a sneeze. Shouldn't a queef be held in the same esteem?
BTW, didn't those rules that you added qualify as American. Or do others not consider Texans, Americans?
Well, ain't that special and unique - the Europeans telling us what's elegant and highclass? I'm so fucking impressed I almost pissed my pants - but only in a classy elegant way. ;)
WC
paige: That phone on vibrate just adds a new dimension for me. Thanks for the idea.
big pissy: You do know where that road leads.
evyl: I can't get enough queef talk. We consider ourselves Texans first.
wc: That is such a warm sentiment.
gee, I always thought that back alley groping and fumbling was fun! I kinda miss it!
'dark alley gropery and fumbling in the back of a cab' is pretty much what I had planned for Saturday night, so now I have to spring for dinner and a dance, thanks a bunch fuzz!!!!! :)
Shucks, I never even knew "gropery" was a word! I feel so DEPRIVED.
How about she just does what she's told with no questions! And be sure to suck your man clean after sex!
and dont use that old 'i've never done this before adage'it will make you giggle and his dick will flop out..
"Avoid dark-alley gropery and unladylike fumbling in the back of a cab,"
What ? surely thats the best bit...
Anything that creates a breed of kinder, quiet as is kept types style of naughty girl rather than the paris hilton "will skank for attention" variety is okay by me.
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