Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Talkin' Texan: Part Two


Since the last post didn't have everyone headed for the exit, I decided to go ahead and push my luck by doing another post of some of the phrases that I hear spoken on a regular basis. I was somewhat surprised at how many of the phrases are so wide spread but as they say, 'There is nothing new under the sun and anything that can be done has probably been done.' But here is a short list of some more West Texas phrases.

1) Shit like a big eyed bird. - When you have to go and go quick.

2) Nervous as a long tailed cat in a roomful of Rocking Chairs. - This one is self explanatory. I know that I would be nervous in that situation.

3) Like a mad woman slinging shit. - If you have ever seen it then you know what I am talking about.

4) Drunker than a waltzin' piss ant. - And that is mighty tippsy.

5) My stomach thinks that my throat has been slashed. - That is a powerful hunger.

6) So horny that I would f**k the crack of dawn. - I once had a friend named Dawn that was never amused by this saying.

7) Shining like a diamond in a pig's ass. - Standing out in the crowd in a big way.

8) Tighter than three fingers up a bull's ass. - Describes a person very tight with their money.

9) Rear up to take a shit. - Generally rear is pronounced rare. It describes the way a person feels after they overeat. Used most often as, 'Damn, that was good. Now I'm going to have to rare up to shit.

10) Sweating like a whore in Sunday School. - Now that is some nervous perspiration.

That's my list for today. I am thinking about reinstituting my phrase of the weekend so I am holding a few back. Before I sign off, I would like to thank everyone for giving me some new phrases. There is nothing like adding a little color to the vocabulary.

33 comments:

David Amulet said...

If you give us ten more, you might just prompt that exodus you're fearing!

-- david

Ben Heller said...

Great stuff Fuzz.

You know, as I read your quotes I repeat them out loud in this pathetic mock southern drawl. I end up sounding like a cross between Margaret Thatcher and Jimmy Carter. Now imagine that.

Tai said...

How 'bout,

"Well butter my butt and call me biscuit!" ~ used to describe a surprised reaction to something...is that Texan?

(Even if it's not, it's one of my favorite!)

:P fuzzbox said...

david: I am surprised that anyone comes here anyway so I ain't afeared of driving anyone away. Heck, here I am a small town bumpkin and I get smart city fellers and purty city gals comin' over to visitate my little blog. Hell, I'm as proud as a pig in a sweater.

Seriously though. I never worry about readership or I would be a lot more serious about this thing and that would drive me off.

ben: Don't worry about it. My English accent is quite atrocious. I assure you.

tai: That's a good one. I will have to start using it.

Keshi said...

**So horny that I would f**k the crack of dawn. - I once had a friend named Dawn that was never amused by this saying.


LOL loved that one!


Keshi.

April said...

Very funny list here, fuzz. Yet again, I've heard most of these but "Sweating like a whore in Sunday School" definitely got a cackle out of me. Reminds me of "she looks like she was rode hard and put up wet." Mom loved that one, too. ;-)

The Phoenix said...

I've never seen a mad woman sling shit, but I'll take your word for it that it's some pretty messed up shit.

Actually, the "Southern Drawl" is a derivative of the British accent. That's why it's easier for British actors to do more authentic southern accents.

the weirdgirl said...

Loved the "mad woman slinging shit"! I'll have to use that sometime.

Hey, do they say "screwing the pooch" out there to describe someone who is not working/screwing off? It just doesn't sound like it's Californian (what with PETA and the environmentalists and all). I'd love to hear more about where that came from.

siren said...

Is the expression "He wouldn't know his ass from a hole in the ground" used in Texas? Because I still don't know what that means.

:P fuzzbox said...

keshi: Thanks, and she downright hated it.

april: Rode hard and put up wet happens to be one of my fave's also.

phoenix: I did not know that. It makes sense though. English, Scottish, and Irish immigrants made up a vast majority of the early settlers.

weirdgirl: The term 'screw the pooch' was made popular by the early astranauts. And they were mimicing the southern drawl of Chuck Yeager.

siren: That saying is quite popular everywhere I believe. I generally use short descriptives when describing dumbasses such as 'dumb as dirt', 'dumb as a bag of hammers', 'dumb as a box of rocks', and 'dumber than mud'.

Ann Alsex said...

Fuxxie, some of those phrases were smart as a whip :D

ella m. said...

"Like a diamond in a pig's ass" makes me curse having a very visual mind. :D

ozymandiaz said...

How about "I'm so horney I cum when the wind blows." And I always thought that "screwed the pooch" menat that you really fucked up, ususally the outcome of an idiot doing a job, the plural of which is "monkeys fucking footballs".

:P fuzzbox said...

ann: You are the sweetest :)

ella: Yeah that's a bad one to see in the mind's eye.

ozy: Yep, that's screwing the pooch. And on your monkeys fucking footballs I generelly use monkeys fucking a goat. It means the same but I use goat a lot in phrases, I have no idea why. Cum when the wind blows is tried and true along with, 'That kid jerks off in the shower so much that he cums in his pants every time it rains.'

:P fuzzbox said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Andie D. said...

Dang! You should write a book!

I live in Phoenix. We don't have anything as colorful here. Boring, boring, boring. Nope, can't think of ONE thing!

Green Eyes said...

Too funny! Thanks for the lesson.
Haven't heard the majority of these before, guess I just like speaking plainly. Must be a Florida thing?

:P fuzzbox said...

andie: Surely in Phoenix they would have something to describe how hot it is. Because I have been there and it was hotter than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire.

green eyes: Thanks and thanks for dropping in. I went over to your site. Hot girl damned hot.

Ranea said...

How about "red on the head like a dick on a dog". Have you heard that one Puzz?

Sherri said...

"Colder then a witches tit in a brass bra" - very cold!

I love these!!

angel, jr. said...

Shining Like a Diamond in a Pig's Ass, was my favorite of this bunch.

:P fuzzbox said...

ranea: Good one although I prefer red on the noodle like a dick on a poodle.

sherri: That is very cold indeed. You seem to have winter on your mind for some reason. Must be cold up there right now. Those snow pics you had were awesome. We don't get that here.

angel jr: That has always been one of my favorites also.

:P fuzzbox said...

lisa: Reckon that's where, 'wearing a shit eating grin' came from?

LisaBinDaCity said...

LMFAO!

I like "I'm happier than a pig in shit" personally ;-)

Rocky said...

Love all of these again, Fuzz. Every bit as classic as the last post, I'm not scared yet.

How about...

"So cold it could freeze the balls off of a brass monkey."

:P fuzzbox said...

Thanks Rocky. That is damned cold. My favorite description of how cold it can be is the scene in 'Joe Dirt' where the dogs balls have froze to the porch. Now that is cold.

Pixie said...

Wp always says "sweating like a whore in church" Heh Love tyhe crack of Dawn one !!

:P fuzzbox said...

Thanks Pixie. Dawn didn't though. Some people are just too hard to please.

Ben O. said...

Okay, here's one for ya . . .

What is the plural of ya'll?




Give up?






All Ya'll.



Great isn't it?


Ben O.

:P fuzzbox said...

That is damn good.

April said...

so funny. love texas myself.

:P fuzzbox said...

Thanks, I love the jewelry on your site. I will have to pick something up for my daughters birthday coming up.

Shay said...

I love these!!! ^_^