Thursday, February 09, 2006

Just One Of Those Days


To paraphrase Fred Durst, 'It's just one of those days when you don't want to wake up. When everythings f**ked and everbody sucks. And if things keep going this way, I might have to break some f**king shit tonight.'

My day started shitty both literally and figuratively . I don't know how an ostrich shinnied up the tree that I was parked under but that is the only damn bird that I can think of that could have completely covered my windshield with crap. It is either that or my snake charming neighbor prayers have finally been answered and a plague of small shitbirds have targeted my windshield as their own personal port-a-potty.

I don't know what that freakin' bird has been eating but whatever it was it would make one hell of a sealant. My windshield washer and wipers did nothing but smear the birdshit all over my windshield. So there I am cruising down to the carwash, with my head hanging out the window so that I could see. I get to the carwash and proceed to wash off all the crap from my windshield in the freezing ass cold.

But as Bruce would say, ' Yippee Ki-Yay Motherf**ker, tomorrows Friday.' I am ready for this weekend. I am going to grab my Excaliber sword off the wall, climb up the tree, wait for that big bird, stab his ass, and bar-b-que me a damned ostrich.

40 comments:

The Phoenix said...

I don't think an ostrich can climb trees.

You've probably been hit by flying geese. Or as I call them, winged vermin.

Kill some for me, please.

:P fuzzbox said...

phoenix: Welcome back from the ashes my friend. I will toast the first drumstick in your honor.

Shay said...

Actually, if you watching him on Fox, Bruce'll say "Yippe Kai-yay My Friend"

I had to take a moment after hearing that firsthand....

Crazy Dan said...

I think a nice honey based BBQ sauce would go well with the the bird.

CT said...

fuck yeah cook that bitch up with some ciante and some fava beans... LOL...

Ben Heller said...

Go get 'em Fuzz ! Get a bargain bucket full of 'em

:P fuzzbox said...

shay: I hate it when they dub out words like that. They should just bleep it if they have to or else it just sounds lame.

cd: Did someone steal your user name?

ct: I thought you were supposed to drink white wine with bird? I will probably just drink a Bud so as to avoid any social embarressment.

ben: Wonder how big a bucket it will take?

Denny Shane said...

I use to have this problem all the time until I moved... now I'm under a parking garage... no more crap!

Jamie said...

Yeah, but it's mixed blessing under a roof. The rain no longer washes my car for me, so it's just damn dirty ALL the time.

I've had a bad week, so thank FUCK it's friday.

You can bleep that if you want.

ozymandiaz said...

I've eaten ostrich before. Very tasty if you don't mind a gamy flavor. The dark meat is very tough, though, so you may need to marinade it for awhile. Either that or in a stew (which was how I had it –hunter’s stew also had bear and elk and the like)

Vic said...

Too funny fuzz. You know with the right firearm climbing that tree won't be necessary at all. Oh, and if you need it I know a good taxidermist.

:P fuzzbox said...

denny: Putting my truck in a garage would be like putting a pig in a dress. It is mostly a deer hunting vehicle. In the past year, I have bagged two with the sucker.

jamie: I would never bleep the word fuck. I have never seen a problem with a little fuck between friends. (Angry Joyce will probably bean me for that remark.)

ozy: The stew sounds nice. A cold front just blew in and that would hit the spot.

vic: I guess I could just blast the critter. But where is the sport in that?

Andie D. said...

Hm. I'd been wondering what to make for dinner tonight. There is an actual ostrich farm about 1 hour south of here. Maybe, just maybe.

Tai said...

ew...ostrich poo

Ranea said...

Excalibur huh? Why not your battle axe, oh might dwarf! You could tenderize while you kill. And I suggest a fajita marinade.

:P fuzzbox said...

andie: I was watching an episode of 'Dirty Jobs' the other day. Damn those ostrich farms look nasty.

tai: That's right. Nasty.

ranea: I try to be well-rounded with my weopeanry.

Big D said...

Can you imagine the drumstick on the big fucker?

Shay said...

Oh! did I tell you that you did find the right thingy for what S.H.A.Y. stands for?
Was that the last thing you were looking for?

:P fuzzbox said...

big d: It would look like something off of 'The Flintstones'.

shay: I felt like a bonehead since when I found it I remembered the post as it was up when I first discovered your blog. Yep, that was it as far as I know.

Pixie said...

Awww never mind fuzz, it happens to us all at some point, could have been worse, could of been on your head.

Have a great weekend.

LisaBinDaCity said...

Gawd poor you. I hate days like that!

And I heard Ostrich makes great cowboy boots ;-)

Thanks for visiting my blog, I'll be back!

phred said...

I think your neighbor snuck over there and poured bird shit on your pick-up.

:P fuzzbox said...

pixie: Yeah, that would have been worse. Thanks for the silver lining. Now its Friday. Yee-Haw.

lisa: Thanks for popping in. It is weird. I see your name pop up in a lot of blogs that I visit but haven't visited yours. Doesn't look like we are going to get any snow but it is getting colder.

phred: That sounds like him. I might have to return the favor. Let the War of the Shit Birds begin!!!

illimitable voices said...

cows have been known to climb trees and crap on cars. i like ostrich meat by the way. invite me over!

starbender said...

All's I can say is "Good thing elephants don't fly!"
;]

:P fuzzbox said...

iv: I don't know as I have ever seen a cow up a tree shit on a car but back in the day I have taken some shit for having them ride in the front seat.

starbender: Ain't that the truth.

siren said...

Good luck with your plans of revenge. If you really want to make it just, eat some fiber and climb up a few branches higher than the bird, and when the time is right... :) An eye for an eye, so to speak. Oh, and move your truck.

angel, jr. said...

I heard bird excrement helps to keep windows from fogging up--kinda like spitting into goggles before swimming.

The Titillating Treat said...

I've heard from different people about these cartoons that you mentioned on my blog...but I can't seem to find anything in the news so I can read about it...do you have a link that I can see??

:P fuzzbox said...

siren: Good advice but it sounds kind of tricky.

angel jr: That's sort of sick. I like it.

tt: Hopefully this one will be what you are looking for.
http://michellemalkin.com/archives/004413.htm

:P fuzzbox said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Titillating Treat said...

Thank you so much!!!

:P fuzzbox said...

No Problem!!!

Jim said...

but, there is never nothing on the ground around the car, just on the car, how do them birds do that??

Rocky said...

Maybe it was Big Bird. Was your car parked on Sesame Street? I heard Big Bird has had it over Elmo getting all the attention, so he's shitting on everyone lately.

:P fuzzbox said...

jim: That is a poser.

rocky: It could have been but I did not see any yellow feathers.

ranea: How did you get my user name? You little vixen.

Anelize said...

In florida, it's the herons. Those big fuckers leave HUGE nasties on your car. Ewwwwww. I hate it when they do a fly-by....only a hosedown will work.

:P fuzzbox said...

I bet those suck. Around here the biggest bird to worry about is a buzzard and there is nothing quite like the smell of buzzard puke on a vehicle.

April said...

Too funny!

I've often wondered about the birds that choose to nest above my car as well.

Love the Bruce quote...we say that at work all the time.

Thanks for visiting me and leaving a comment...appreciated it!

:P fuzzbox said...

april: Thanks for coming by. And take care.