Sunday, September 25, 2005

Home Improvement

Up until recently the hardware store or lumberyard was mostly the domain of men. Now with the popularity of the home improvement megastores like Lowe's and Home Depot and the spate of female oriented home improvement television programs like Trading Spaces and all of it's copycat's, it seems that more and more women have become the primary shoppers of home improvement supplies and their husbands have been reduced to loading the cart and attempting to answer questions with a dazed look on their faces.

Changes in the stores and products and designing practices from days of yore have intensified. Once when painting a wall, you picked a color got out the paint roller and brush and slapped a couple of coats up. Now do to the influence of these shows my living room is a montage of color, which includes a base coat, a sponged on lighter coat, and a sponged in an even lighter coat over it all. But it could have been worse, while watching some of these shows, I have seen everything from whacked out designers stapling plastic flowers to the wall, to pouring out paint on fabric and riding over it with a scooter to make designs and using this as a wall hanging, to hanging velvet rope as trim.

The shows also give a false idea of home improvement. They come in with a gang of pros and wham, bam, thank you maam it is all done in one or two days. In real life it is a monthlong adventure in exasperation.

Angry Joyce recently decided to take a break from the workforce and has been bitten by the home improvement bug.When Angry Joyce, the kids, and I first moved in to this house we moved the living room to the back of the house but as half of the kids have grown up and ventured out, we are now moving the rooms back to the original layout with the living room in the front of the house. Nobody ever got the idea of the walkway to the backdoor with the exception of my brothers and so most visitors found themselves shuffling through the girls bedroom, which was at most times a hazardous maze filled with dangers and pitfalls. Our daughter will move into the master bedroom and Angry Joyce and I will be moving to the room that is now our living room, though I don't quite know how my vintage Kiss posters will look on a three toned pink wall.

She has ripped out the what appears to be 70's era shag carpeting in the new/old living room and hallway and next week the sanding of the hardwood floor and the staining and treating of the floor. After that will come the painting of the walls and putting up new trim.

This time I have put my foot down as far as the color being a more masculine freindly color but other than that since she is doing the work, she can do whatever she wants. Other than the fact that it is a little effeminate she did a good job on our old living room and I am sure that our new one will be nice.I just hope she doesn't staple any damn flowers to the wall.


Danielle said...

Neutral walls. Neutral carpet. Cherry furniture. Corner Cerio (sp?). Black stereo. Black t.v. Family photos. NO FLOWERY DESIGNS, NO SPONGY WALLS, NO FANCY TRIM, NO UGLY ASS BLUE, BURGANDY, OR GREEN CARPET, ONE COLOR ON WALLS THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE. Why do women want to make life more difficult than it already is. Get a fucking hobby like crochet or scrapbooking. That way, if the shit comes out looking like crap, you can shove it under the bed.

:P fuzzbox said...

Although our design concepts are the same, I would be remiss if I did not make a defence for Angry Joyce. The carpet had to go and as far as a hobby it certainly beats compiling a list of my faults, which after years of marriage is long and would probably give a divorce lawyer a woody.

phred said...

We saw a comic in Las Vegas whose skit was built around the last remaining domain for Men.. the backyard barbque grille.
I fear he is right.
Do not anger the divorce gods. Life will return to normal soon and you will get used to the changes.
Focus your energy on the building of McFlats.. maybe it could become a sanctuary for men like us who fantastic ideas that have been ignored or overlooked by women like Angry Joyce and Mad Mell.
Again..think twice before being vocal and bringing forth the wrath of the divorce gods. They are powerful and have a endless appetite for money, AND ''delight'' in the misery of the male gender.

Reiki said...

I agree. Don't involve the divorce Gods over something stupid like remodeling. Wait for something good, like getting caught with a prostitute (hopefully a hot looking female one).

cleveland said...

oh no the dreaded remodel bug muhaaa!!!!!!! lots of beer and happy times. oh yeah happy liz said not to let angry joyce on any ladders.

Big D said...

Shag carpeting, prostiutes, and the McFlats. An Idea slowly begins to form!

Anonymous said...

I never reliezed how wise you were. I will have to take more consideration on what is said from now on

:P fuzzbox said...

It is said that there is none so wise as those who realize they know nothing.