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I know that it may be hard to imagine, but I was not always the sensitive, clean thinking and clean living poster child for political correctness that you have come to know ;)
Years ago on my last night of bachelorhood, my bachelor party was held at a Gentleman's Club. My friends took me out for one last time as a free man to the one place on earth where a man can glory in the excesses of being a man. There I went through the age old rite of passage known as the hay ride. For those not familiar with this event or might call it a different name, let me explain what a hay ride entails. I was led to the stage and my shirt removed, then I was seated in a chair and told to sit on my hands. After this was accomplished, six gorgeous strippers proceeded to give me a lapdance to remember for a lifetime. While distracted by the other dancers, each of them took turns writing upon my torso such gems as Eat me raw, Ride me hard, Fuck me like an animal, and Sasha was here. Upon arriving home, my bride-to-be (who was not in attendance for the festivities) led me to the darkened bedroom where we proceeded to spend a night of intense love making.
I awakened early and went to take shower and wash off the messages. The markings were done in black permanent marker but with the aid of Lava Soap and a lot of scrubbing, I had managed to remove all traces of these writings from my chest and abdomen. That is when my sweet bride-to-be entered the bathroom and climbed into the shower. For the first time, I witnessed the fury of the woman that I have come to know as Angry Joyce. She, not so tenderly, scrubbed all pornographic images from my back along with the first two layers of skin.
The wedding went along without a hitch but she has never let me forget just how big an ass that I am. She has also been handy about explaining to me on a moments notice just how thankful I should be for having such a sweet woman who would clean up my body from the filth that as a single man I wallowed in.
To find out what led me to relate this bit of personal trivia, head over to Siren's, Beauty vs. The Beast. While posting the responses of my bro, Big D and my lovely and multi-talented blogfriend Ranea, I was reminded of this story. I also made the mistake of mentioning it to Angry Joyce but no worries; I was able to dodge all of the heavier objects thrown my way. You would think that after nearly 11 years she would have got over it. But no such luck. So do yourself a favor and go check it out. They both did a great job and I would appreciate you letting them know what you think.
I would also like to express my appreciation to Big D for designing a new template in such a short time. I may be partial, since he built this template and he is my bro, but I think that Big D has built some of best templates out there. He also has a post up explaining his design concepts when building the template. I think that all his worries are unfounded. If you have any suggestions on the template please leave a comment on his post.
25 comments:
Next time have them write it in chocolate Fuzz. Then you a simple shower will do. :-)
Angry Joyce forget you were kidding yourself.
Thanks for the compliments
Permanent marker on your skin is one thing, but pubes? Ben, sounds pretty crazy over there across the pond.
Ah, good 'ol honesty
Produces such results
Pehaps the best policy
Just not for adults
For there is one sure way
To really screw things up
For if the struth you say
And your not a virgin pup
She'll be as pissed as Hell
No matter how far in the past
So before a story you tell
You best think about your ass
cz: I luv me sum chocolate too :P
ruben: Surely not.
ben: That is way cool. I have to go to one of those overseas strip clubs.
michael: Thanks. That is why I try to stay away from salad bars.
mimi: On many occasions, I have more balls than brains. I guess that shows though, huh.
big d: You are very welcome sir!
phoenix: Don't those club's sound cool!!!
ozy: A woman's memory is a very long and dangerous beast.
I can't believe you didn't remove the evidence before you got home! Weren't you supposed to have a best man there to protect your back?
Live and learn.
(gotta love Joyce!)
A woman's memory is a very long and dangerous beast.
Ain't that the truth....(he says as he runs for cover)
Yeah, theh chocolate sounds good to me. Course, another option is to send Angry Joyce and her lady friends out for their own night of pleasure...
green eyes: I always thought that it was the best man's job on a bachelor party to try to put the groom to the test to see if he can handle marraige.
bruce: Duck and Dodge. Those pe classes with the dodgeball pay off afterall.
vic: I have tried to tell her that but she would rather gripe about my shenanigans I suppose.
gb: It was a blast. I don't know if I would say diamond maybe a lump of coal with a strange luster.
ranea: You are right she should get out and come home at 6:00 in the morning like you reported on your site awhile back. She should go out for something more exciting than painting even though you made it sound like fun.
I was "kidnapped" on a Thursday evening. My best man and a couple other friends took me to Vegas for my bachelor party.
On Friday night they took me to the Glitter Gulch and treated me to a couple of lap dances from a beautiful vixen of a lass.
I have an awesome wife, because she was in on the whole surprise leading up to my "kidnapping" and subsequent trip to Vegas.
oh, my...I'm with Green Eyes. I can't believe you still had the evidence there for her to see!
I'd have taken off more than the top two layers...
after I'd gotten through taking photos and laughing my ass off at ya!
Count yourself lucky that they wrote on you with markers instead of inking tattoos on you.
Now THAT would have made Joyce very, very angry.
-- david
perplexio: She sounds like a keeper.
april: Joyce will appreciate the support ;p
david: But wanted 'Ride Me Hard' look good as a tribal tat.
HAHAHA that's funny...what's even funnier is that all of those images were there during your "night of intense love making" LOL
hahaha the things they do at bachelor parties!
My cousin bro was tied to some pole and some stripper showed him stuff that he can never forget...thats what he told me lol!
Keshi.
sxymma: I am afraid Angry Joyce didn't have quite the same sense of humor. I noticed that you were from Amarillo. Heard y'all were getting some snow. I know your area needs moisture also.
siren: Soo true.
keshi: He just doesn't want to. Would be my bet ;)
Never heard it called the "hay ride" however i have been responsible for sending many a men back to their finance and impending doom. I always have a marker handy for the rippers.
I never got worked up over strip clubs. If my husband had been going regularly, that's one thing. But for bachelor parties and the occasional business trip, I really didn't care. Plus it made for some great stories! (And even a little karmic justice.)
For example, at my husband's bachelor party his brother took a bunch of the guys to Reno for the weekend. There, among other adventures, my husband ended up getting locked in a cage with his arms handcuffed above him and whipped by a stripper. Except the "whipping" wasn't just for show. She belted him some good!
Bwa ha ha!!
I can't wait till my bachelor party.
My buddy got something done to him under a blanket while seated on stage, but three different women to the song "Don't Want No Short Short Man".
**He just doesn't want to. Would be my bet
u may well be quite right abt that :)
Keshi.
mic: You are the consummate professional. For all you do thanks from the rest of us guys.
cleveland: Talent should be applauded wherever it is found.
big ben: Have a great one!!!
angel jr: That was just wrong. Funny but wrong.
keshi: I just have a sense for these things.
That is one of the saddest stories that I have ever heard regarding a bachelor party. I bet he was fit to be tied.
aha aha...:)
Keshi.
If i were Joyce I would've died laughing that you somehow managed to forget you had doodles on your back as well, no skin layer removal required.
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