TV Bullshit

For the most part, I do not watch series on network TV. Recently though I have been hooked on the show, 'Hero's.' It seems to really try to make an audience care about the cast and is quirky enough to keep me guessing and keep my attention. But just as I was hooked they are trying to fuck the audience again. After the last episode, the commercial stated that next week would be the last episode until next year. Damnit to fucking hell. Didn't they learn a damn thing from the Soprano's. This split the series in half for the year bullshit is the exact reason that many quit watching the mob family show and that would include myself as well. If they want to split it up then that is what fucking reruns are for. If they keep this bullshit up then the series won't be a hero it will be a big fucktarded zero.

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While I am on the subject of TV, I would just like to say that the broadcasting group for ESPN's coverage of Monday Night Football has to be the most boring group of asswipes that I have ever had the displeasure of viewing. They make the freaking Weather Channel seem like must see tv. But I guess there is always the beer commercials during the game to look forward to.

Merv

Odds are that we have all been visited by our good friend Merv.
He is the blogworlds biggest perv.
When you get a search term hit for something filled with raunch
He's sitting there with his hands beneath his paunch.

What he does for giggles and fun
Is type in search terms like nuns on nuns.
Not like the common rubes
He'll type in terms like Beth Chapman's boobs.

When you see a search term like calf suck beastiality
Just think of Merv and let it be.
It's all in fun and a hits a hit.
Besides the search engine found that shit.

Making A List And Checking It Twice

The Thanksgiving leftovers are history so the silly season is officially started. In order to get the ball rolling and to insure that Old Saint Nick doesn't give me the shaft this year. I thought that I would go ahead and make up an early Christmas list. I can assure you that I will update the list as more stuff comes to my mind.

1. A new Tat. I still am undecided as to what to do in order to balance out my arms. I am thinking of a goth mermaid basking under a full moon. But a goth mermaid might just be a bit strange even for me.

2. A new weapon. Living in redneck America with only one handgun, one shotgun, and one rifle, I am woefully under armed.

3. New Neighbors. Although the Thanksgiving entertainment of a drunken free for all next door complete with the punctuation of a ton of gravel being thrown in the air saved me from a mundane quiet Thanksgiving. I suppose I am just never satisfied.

4. A rubber floor. If you have seen the beer commercial with the rubber floor, then you know this is a must have, if you haven't seen it then when you do you will know what I mean. It is too cool for mere words to describe.

5. Peace, love, and happiness for all of humanity or a bootleg copy of the Britney Spears sex tape. Whichever is easier for Santa to fork over.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today there will be no rants. There will be no bitches or gripes. Today I only wish to give my thanks. I am thankful that my family is well, that I am alive and free to breath the West Texas air under the blue West Texas Sky, and I am thankful for you, my friends in the blogosphere. I hope this holiday brings forth the best for you and yours. From the Fuzz Family to All of you, Happy Thanksgiving.

In closing I will leave you with my brother, Crazy Dan's, favorite blessing. 'Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Who eats the fastest eats the most.' Have a great one and see you next week.

Loud And Proud

When you say Redneck don't curl up your lips
Say it with pride with your hands on your hips.
Pick Up drivin', trailer dwellin', white trash of all ages.
Worshippin' Nascar Drivers as if they were sages.
Our numbers are growin' by leaps and by hops,
And if you don't believe me catch an episode of Cops.

We're everywhere and quite easy to see.
Wearing tube tops and tattoos and Dale Jr. tees.
Munchin' on Chee-to's and barbequed Spam.
And If you don't like it we don't give a damn.
Yuppies and Bluebloods should build fences or thickets.
Cause we'll soon be your neighbors thanks to winning lottery tickets.

Written By Angry Joyce

I Got Dragged Into This One

Yesterday I was asked if I could come in and work. I said yes and asked what time I needed to be there. I was then told 4 in the morning. I should have asked that first. See ya later today.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

I am sorry but I am just a little ambivalent over the latest Bobby Knight brouhaha. I have seen the video and I am sorry but it appears that it wasn't a violent slap but rather a little attention getter. I would be up in arms with the rest of the sports nation if it wasn't for the fact that the kid that received the pop and his parents all say that it is no big deal that it was nothing. I have always thought that no harm equals no foul. The only thing that gets me is the complete disregard that Bobby Knight always has had and always will have for every damned person on the face of the earth that does not bend over backwards to kiss his pompous ass.

He knows that with his history, the eyes of the sporting world and many that do not care about sports at all, are planted firmly on him. Yet he continually goes out of the way to prove to his detractors that he is the ass that they paint him out to be. So maybe the little attention getting slap was no big deal but it is just one more incident in a long line of incidents. When they are added up all together it paints a picture of how a winning coach is not necessarily a winner.

In case you haven't heard the story of the incident, click here.

Dougie

Little Dougie was happy as happy can be
He loved pissing bubbles for all the world to see.
So even when the bubbles covered his little chin
He faced the world with his wicked little grin.
What a lovely way for a little lad to cope
When his little potty mouth kept getting washed out with soap.

Hooray Breakfast

I have a rare Sunday off this week. I was able to indulge in one of my favorite activities; Breakfast. On workdays, I generally don't have time to stop for breakfast. I grab a honey bun, pop-tart, or granola bar and crunch it down on my way to work.

This morning, I was able to brew up a pot of coffee, scramble some eggs, fry up some hash browns and bacon, and flip some hot cakes. By the time the coffee was brewing, the boy was up ready to drink coffee and keep me company while I was whipping up breakfast. By the time the bacon had crisped, Angry Joyce was up in a better humor than usual. I guess the smell of bacon frying soothes the savage beast. And when it was done, I woke up the girl. ( Teens have to be firebombed out of bed. The smell of breakfast doesn't register for shit during their morning slumbers. )

Sitting here full and content I have to admit that all in all it was a great breakfast. Although I enjoy cooking breakfast, there is something to be said for going to a good roadside diner and ordering up breakfast. There is no more simple pleasure that can kickstart your day going like a good cup of coffee, chicken fried steak and eggs, and bullshitting with a quick witted waitress. I think that is what I need to do tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow will come soon.

The Donkey Barbeque

I have been ranting on Thursday's for awhile. At first, I lined myself up with the FOADers and then I started calling it Kiss My Ass Thursday's but in a way this didn't sound quite right either. Recently while commenting to the lovely Georgia peach, Vic, on her blog I was reminded of an old saying that fits my Thursday rants to a tee. So sit back, take a load off and enjoy the donkey barbeque. And let's eat some ass.

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The past few mornings I have passed some true fucking idiots on my way to work. Why the fuck these douchebags are up at such an ungodly hour jogging down the street is beyond me. I don't call them idiots because they jog. I haven't anything against joggers. But if you are jogging down the street before the sun comes up, then for Chrissakes wear some light colored or reflective clothing. I don't want to be late for work because you have decided to commit suicide by jogging. And some poor slob that actually has a heart might make you roadkill and be filled with a lifetime of remorse. If you don't give a flying fuck for your own safety at least think of your fellow human beings. Fuck!!!

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Texas re-elected Governor ' Asswipe ' Rick Perry. This asshole is bought and paid for lock, stock, and mother fuckin' barrel by the insurance companies. This states insurance carriers are the sleaziest most overpaid and underrepresenting cocksuckers on the face of the damned planet. Congrats assholes for voting this asschunk in for another term. Maybe it's the fault of the new voting machines. I know how hard it is to spin a fucking dial and it is so much easier to just punch in a straight party ticket. But it would be handy if you dug your head out of your ass and not vote for the assholes that are proven fucking crooks.

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Far be it from me to say anything negative about Bush and his advisors but wouldn't it have been brighter to fire Rumsfeld before you get your ass handed to you. Fucktards!

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To check out the site where I nabbed the pic, click here.

Little Girl, Big Dreams

Jill was a little person standing four foot three
She had aspirations of getting an Ivy League Degree.
She tried for Harvard and she tried for Yale
Her grades were good but to no avail.

She hadn't the finances for such a big name school.
And when she couldn't find a scholarship for a dwarf from these Ivy League fools.
Then she found a scholarship that would give her a shot at fortune and fame.
She could be the leprechaun mascot for Notre Dame.

Current Ads: The Good, The Bad, And The Fugly

I consider myself a connoisseur of commercials. Most of the time the commercial advertisements are a sight more entertaining than the actual shows on television. Of the current crop of commercials on tv, I single three out as showing the epitome of the good, the bad, and the fugly.

The Good: Far be it from me to give any props to Geiko. I will never forgive them for foisting that damn Gecko into my consciousness but I love their ad with the movie voice over guy. I think that it would be too cool to have this guy follow me for a couple of days and do a voice over for all my conversations.

The Bad: Match.com has to have the stupidest campaign running on tv today. They are promising six free months if you do not find your perfect match in six months. If after six months all that a person has found is flakes, mamma's boys, fuglies, gold diggers, and other assorted losers, then why in hell would you want to subject yourself to six more months of degradation? I would think a quick kick to the groin would be a lot less painful.

The Fugly: Pepto Bismol's new ads sinks to a new low in bad taste. I can think of not many things more disgusting than a bunch of douchebags line-dancing to the tune of nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea. I certainly hope that this dancing ailment ad does not start a trend. What's next: Everybody's doing a brand new dance now, come on baby do the yeast infection.

A Few Things That Suck

My work hours are from 6 am to 6 pm. This means that I go to work in the dark and drive back home in the dark. All daylight hours are burned up at work.

Mr. Roboto made VH-1's, 100 Greatest Songs of the '80's. Could I be the only one that felt that this song was a sign of the apocalypse or at the very least, the worse song ever produced by humans.

There was no fall here to speak of whatsoever. It went straight from sweat your balls off summer to freeze your ass off winter.

I haven't had enough time to blog as much as I would like lately but it sucks that so many of my old blogfriends have stopped blogging at all. I miss so many of them that have dropped out. Thanks to everyone else for staying around.

There is a horrendous stomach virus going around. It starts with massive amounts of flatulence and then screaming diarrhea. Angry Joyce fell it's victim last night. I will most likely fall it's victim soon. I have so much to look forward to.