I woke up last night at 3:30 in the morning, coughing, hacking, and drowning in my own snot. The insane amount of rain this year is better for the pollen count than it is for the state of my sinuses. Flipping through the plethora of infomercials, I came across Early Today. WTF, is The Today Show doing on at three-thirty in the damned morning. The only folks up watching the boob tube at that ungodly hour are a small group of insomniacs, a fraction of late night workers, but mostly a bunch of jonesing meth junkies. I doubt that the largest demographic gives a rat's ass about the state of the world affairs, unless it is giving a list of the best places to get anhydrous ammonia, cold tablets, and other ingredients for their toxin of choice.
Maybe they should have a late night network geared to speed freaks. Here are some programming ideas.
1. Action Movies: Movies without such things as plot and with lots of visual stimulation would work best.
2. NASCAR: They always turn left. If you miss a few laps, so what, they will just be making another left in a second.
3. Cops 2.0: Who knows you might pick up a tip or at least see a friend or your dealer.
4. Animaniacs: Those cartoon idiots have to be tweakers.
5. Denise Austin: That bitch has to be on something. I'm guessing crack but who knows she might be tweaking. No one is that excited about jumping up and down at four freakin' am.
Yep, the Tweaker's Television Network is an idea that's time has come.