Monday, September 03, 2007

Too Damned Early


I woke up last night at 3:30 in the morning, coughing, hacking, and drowning in my own snot. The insane amount of rain this year is better for the pollen count than it is for the state of my sinuses. Flipping through the plethora of infomercials, I came across Early Today. WTF, is The Today Show doing on at three-thirty in the damned morning. The only folks up watching the boob tube at that ungodly hour are a small group of insomniacs, a fraction of late night workers, but mostly a bunch of jonesing meth junkies. I doubt that the largest demographic gives a rat's ass about the state of the world affairs, unless it is giving a list of the best places to get anhydrous ammonia, cold tablets, and other ingredients for their toxin of choice.


Maybe they should have a late night network geared to speed freaks. Here are some programming ideas.


1. Action Movies: Movies without such things as plot and with lots of visual stimulation would work best.

2. NASCAR: They always turn left. If you miss a few laps, so what, they will just be making another left in a second.

3. Cops 2.0: Who knows you might pick up a tip or at least see a friend or your dealer.

4. Animaniacs: Those cartoon idiots have to be tweakers.

5. Denise Austin: That bitch has to be on something. I'm guessing crack but who knows she might be tweaking. No one is that excited about jumping up and down at four freakin' am.


Yep, the Tweaker's Television Network is an idea that's time has come.

17 comments:

Red said...

Drowning in snot. Now THAT is sexy! ;] I hope you get to feeling better soon!

Mike said...

Ya gotta love the positions Denise Austin gets herself into though!

Sherri said...

I find myself up late a lot these days.....

It pisses me off that I can NEVER find anything decent to watch on TV!

angel, jr. said...

I have drowned in snot many times. It's an awful feeling.

Bruce said...

What makes Denise Austin even more annoying is that she's 50 friggin' years old. No one is that energetic and peppy at that age. Believe me; I know from personal experience.

:P fuzzbox said...

red: Thanks, so do I.

mike: I guess I will admit it. But it ain't natural.

sherri: Just watch it if you start dialing the number to buy infomercial crap.

angel, jr: It ain't good.

bruce: It has to be drugs. And damn good ones.

Gerald Ford said...

Animaniacs: Those cartoon idiots have to be tweakers.

Ha ha ha, I always knew there was something different about that show, but I couldn't put a finger on it. :p Glad someone has. The song containing all the world nations was just...whoa.

Sorry you got sinus problems, good buddy. Happens to me whenever the weather changes, and now the little one gets sinus issues too around the same time.

Thankfully Seattle's cloudy + rainy 10 months out of the year, so it'll pass. ;)

eZ said...

hey fuzz
get yourself a neti pot,
poker after dark is what I usually watch-ha
Denise is not human-I think she has been probed a few too many times.
hope you feel better soon!

The Phoenix said...

Is Denise Austin a robot?

I had no idea she was still on TV.

Bruce said...

Just a little bit of useless info on Denise Austin; her sister-in-law is Tracey Austin.

Catch said...

when Im up late id just as soon read or play scrabble online as watch those idiots on tv. infomercials make me want to barf and denise Austin needs to eat a box of twinkles like the rest of us.

Mimi said...

They are why infomercials are on at night, tweakers will buy anything.

pure evyl said...

I would add porn. Tweakers are jerky so they need a jerky type activity.

Phats said...

I have been sick so I have been up too, I usually watch some dumb dating show on MTV ha. I never knew it was on that early in the morning either that's dumb

Keshi said...

urgggg! :)

Keshi.

:P fuzzbox said...

gerald: The way that it has been raining it feels like Seattle here. I don't know how y'all do it.

ez: Thanks, and yeh she might have been attacked by aliens.

phoenix: Much like the Energizer bunny, she just keeps going, and going, and going.

bruce: I bet Tracy doesn't advertise it.

:P fuzzbox said...

catch: That's making me hungry.

mimi: I never thought of that. You should go into marketing.

evyl: Sad but true.

phats: I wonder why they still call it MTV all they ever show is dating shows and Real World.

keshi: :)