Tuesday, January 30, 2007

A Fart In Time Saves Nine


I have a cold. The miserable cold that I had thought that I had killed with the usual tequila and Ny-Quil remedy has returned with a vengeance. I don't really feel that bad but I have a terrible cough. This morning I had one of those coughs that are the worst. Have you ever coughed so hard that a fart that wasn't ready to be farted was ripped from your ass and it felt that your asshole was torn apart? Yeah, it was one of those. But every cloud has a silver lining, at least I didn't shit myself. Ahh, happy day.

22 comments:

Bruce said...

Yes I have; sometimes at inopportune times, too.

yellowdog granny said...

i know that feeling well...but don't tell anyone..I am a fucking lady and all that shit..

pure evyl said...

It generally happens when I sneeze. I have heard the term shart in Shallow Hal referring to a person thinking that he is going to fart and accidently shits. I suppose that if a person sneezed so loud that it ripped out a fart it would be a snart.

anonymum said...

god I hate it when that happens!!...generally takes a day to recover...

:P fuzzbox said...

bruce: It always seems to happen at the worst times.

granny: Mum's the word.

evyl: If a person accidently shit while sneezing would they be throwing a snit?

anonymum: Yeah, my butthole feels violated.

Crazy Dan said...

The word torn concerns me dear brother. When I think something has been torn I think that it has been ripped or orthwised disfigured in a pain that would cause pain. I hope that everything is fine and that no proctologist will be needed.

Keshi said...

ewwww LOL!

Keshi.

EZ said...

hey fuzz
I sat by the Duchess at tea,
She asked: "Do you fart when you pee?"
I said with some wit:
"Do you belch when you shit?"
I felt it was one up for me.

Sorry your sick, you know I love a good fartifact!

Pixie said...

No never had that, although I have had the type of coughs that make you nearly pee yourself :\

Hope you feel better soon Fuzz x

Ol' Lady said...

ditto to yellowdog granny :p

Mimi said...

I have never had that problem while caughing. But when extremely nauseated from anthesia I gaggged so hard it made me fart farts that were not even really there. It hurt.

BTW~Nyquil is crap anymore. Ya know how some stuff is over the counter now thanks to meth makers? Well some companies did not wanna make customers have to go up to the pharmacy counter to get their product. I guess they thought people would not buy it if they had to take the few extra min to get it. So those companies took out the ingredient that is the key in meth and in fighting your cold.

Catch said...

I am laughing so hard at your post....and EZ's comment...lmao. Why are farts so damn funny??? I dont know why but it cracks me up when someone farts unexpectedly....unless its me...lol

:P fuzzbox said...

cd: No proctologist needed. It's a good thing with my luck, I would get some big knuckled sumbitch.

keshi: ;)

ez: Good one. I am always up for a good fart joke.

pixie: Thanks for showing me that it could be worse.

:P fuzzbox said...

ol lady: She said it well.

mimi: Ny-Quil doesn't have it's same zing but it is still crazee tastee!!!

catch: I don't know why they are so funny. It is one of the mysteries of life.

Leigh said...

Yes there is always the positive. Even when you are sick you manage to make me laugh, oh but wait I wasn't laughing at you, only with you.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Shay said...

you're still too young to be saying "at least i didn't shit myself"
LOL - literally - though!!

Hope you feel better soon, try getting yourself a vaporizer.

michaelm said...

Just shit myself reading.
This post should have come with complimentary toilet paper.
Laughing hysterically...
~m

phred said...

The downside to this is,
you force a mighty fart through that little bitty hole at high pressure, you blister your bung hole.
It hurts.

ozymandiaz said...

That happens to my wife often when she sneezes. She gets these sneezing fits and she will cut one with every sneeze. It's funny as hell but also a dangerous 'cause my wife generaly has those SBDs, so sh3e starts sneezing and farting and I'm laughing and running...
Good times.

Mimi said...

OMG you like that taste? Durk does. He will not take the pills. he will only drink the liquid. Freaks.

:P fuzzbox said...

leigh: Thanks for laughing with me.

shay: Maybe a vaporizer would help. I am about up for any remedy.

michael: I have heard they made joke of the day tp. That should be my calling card.

phred: True, True.

ozy: Good times indeed.

mimi: It is an awesome taste. I hate the cherry flavored crap that they came up with. The original is the shit.

writer chick said...

I never had the coughing up a lung, ripping out your butthole combo - but it sure sounds like rip-roaring fun! ;)
WC