Friday, January 13, 2006

Part III: The Beasties Trilogy

The Bug Races

On a long lonely night shift at the plant quite a few years ago. The Supervisor, Bronco Billy, J.D., and myself found ourselves bored out of our minds. One line was down for maintenance and the other three lines were running products that required about 10 minutes of work every hour. The plant had been like this for about a week so the floor was swept to gleaming perfection and all the equipment had been wiped clean.

Always adept at finding activities to cure boredom. We decided to gamble. This was not uncommon for the other three members of the crew were the type of guys that would bet on a piss ant pulling a freight train. The question was what to bet on.

The solution was obvious. The plant was plagued at the time by an infestation of beatles. I do not know the correct scientific name for this particular species but around here, they are called stinkbugs. They are a fairly large bug with a raised rear end and when threatened raise their hind quarters and emit a noxious fume. They are also rather speedy so naturally well suited for a little racing action.

We traced out a circle on the concrete floor about 6 foot across(you can figure out the approximate diameter yourself if you wish.) Then we went our seperate ways searching for the Seattle Slew of the insect world. We came back to the circle and marked our steeds with white out. All the bugs were placed in a coffee cup and brought to the middle of the circle. The cup was then turned upside down. After a few seconds wait, which gave the bugs a chance to gain their bearings, the cup was raised and the bugs were off.

J.D.'s bug won the first race, and the second race, and the third race. The rest of us then took a break to find a more competitive insect. As we were only playing for a quarter a race, I wasn't down much but that would change somewhat. None of the damned bugs that any of the other three of us could find could beat the freak of nature that J.D. had. Pretty soon, we were all down, after escalations of bets and a plethera of other bugs, by about 10 bucks apeice.

And then it happened, the supervisor had found what he thought was the makings of a god of bug racing. A bug so sleek and so fast that he had chased it for 50 yards just to make it his. The anticipation mounted, the supervisor had put a twenty dollar sidebet on the race, the cup was raised, and the supervisors bug just sat there as if it was dead. J.D.'s bug scampered to victory once more. The supervisor let out a mighty roar and leaped through the air and squashed J. D.'s bug deader than Elvis.

Bronco Billy and I managed to defuse the situation although J.D. had reached a state of pissed-off that I have rarely seen. After that we traded wins throughout the rest of the shift. In fact I think that I came out about a buck ahead. Not quite Vegas but still quite a bit of fun.

( In case any new readers want to check out a few more of the adventures of this boneheaded shift. You can check the October 12 post regarding 'Forklift Rodeo', or the October 17 post regarding 'Man's Best Friend' in the archives)


phred said...

Elvis is dead ??

Reiki said...

nice story fuxx, but I believe I have already asked...does any actual work ever get done around there?

phred said...

Work ??? Why ??

Laurie said...

As soon as I read this line,

"The Supervisor, Bronco Billy, J.D., and myself found ourselves bored out of our minds."

I got prepared to laugh my ass off.

I wish that I worked with you guys!

angel, jr. said...

That was great!!!

:P fuzzbox said...

phred: That is what I have been led to believe but believe what you must. As the Beatles said, 'Whatever gets you through the night.

dear jane: Slave driver :O

laurie: Yeah those guys were a blast to work with. Never a dull moment.

angel jr: Thanks.

Ranea said...

Poor J.D., The Supervisor would have got an asswhuppin' after work. I read the other stories in the archives and I totally dig dogs. ;p

Naiad said...

Poor little beetles. They are so unloved. ;(

thebluestbutterfly said...

Are they Boxelder(spelling) bugs??? Do they have red markings on their rears???

What is the story behind the Bronco Billy name???

Glad that you are having fun.

:P fuzzbox said...

ranea: Thanks for dropping by. Yeah, the supervisor got off light but I am glad he did it. Welcome to the bogosphere.

naiad: Yes, it was a shame that the insect was killed in his prime but in a way it was a kindness. He will always be remembered for his athletic prowess and speed and will never have to face the humiliation of a career ending injury or the slowness of age to tarnish his stellar career.

butterfly: 1) No the bugs did not have any red markings on their back. 2) When I posted earlier on my old crew, I gave the other crew members fictitous names to give them a modicum of anonymity. I chose Bronco Billy for if not his prowess of forklift rodeo at least his love of the sport. 3) I do not have as much fun as I once did. Responsibility has crept into my vocabulary. Sometimes that really sucks. Thanks for commenting. The last time you commented here. I missed it and didn't notice for about a month. I really should check on older posts more often as they scroll down the main page.

siren said...

What a great story :-) I wish I had fun people to work with, or at least bugs to play games with.

RAVEN the PITA said...

Damn those work stories crack me up Fuxxie! I want to hear more - maybe I can get the non-posting T to throw some out there too :-)

Ann Alsex said...

You are such a phun guy, fuxxie. But you need to play more now. It sounds like you miss it.

Big D said...

That's just Classic Fuzz right there!

:P fuzzbox said...

siren: Playing with bugs is a passtime that I have enjoyed since a child. It is nice that some things never change.

pita: I like writing my memory quest stories. Glad you like them too.

ann: You are so observant. Have fun today, I will try.

big d: It's nice to get back to your roots.

ella m. said...

I'm guessing you guys are on the graveyard shift? That seems like the kind of thing you do to alleiviate the bordom at 3 am and you can't possibly drink any more coffee to attempt to stay awake.

Makes me wish I had shift mates to pass the time.

Crazy Dan said...

I would have used an onld mafia tatic on that bugby pickking him up and breaking his legs.

Metal Mark said...

I worked in a warehouse for about five years and unfortunately we never had anything that exciting happen. The most exciting thing I ever did was finding different places to hide to sneek an extra smoke break.

:P fuzzbox said...

ella: It was the graveyard shift. And these guys made the coffee undrinkable. Maybe I will post about that another time.

crazy dan: I have been thinking of joining a protest group to bring back AGS. Ohh the humanity.

metal mark: That is a shame for a warehouse would be the perfect setting for forklift rodeo, bug racing, or pallet jack demolition derby. The last item will be a future post whenever I get a chance.

The Phoenix said...

Supervisor or not, what an ass. He killed J.D.'s thoroughbred, and he should've gotten a beat down for that.

Forklift rodeo sounds very safe.

Terminal Nostalgia said...

Thanks for the comment. I really like your blog. It doesn't bore me...LOL!

Hope I hear from you again.


Keshi said...

goshh ur lucky u have fun colleagues...I have some very serious daddies working with me lol!


:P fuzzbox said...

phoenix: He got off light. I believe big d said it best on the original post. Here I paraphrase, 'Forklift Rodeo, the sport for ... not pusses.'

Roxy: Thanks for dropping in. I make no guarentees on not being boring.

keshi: I miss those guys. They have all moved on yet here I stay.

Keshi said...

awww...times change and ppl leave...but my daddy-colleagues dun leave at all WTH lol!


:P fuzzbox said...

keshi: I was waxing a little philosiphical there. WTF. I sounded like a boob.