I did not realize the plethora of great hate mail that would come after the last post. Eventhough others amazed me with the creative use of colorful curses, I have deemed this submission as the first winner. The sender receives the glorious honor of having their work displayed here. I thank all those that sent their venom but sadly there can be only one winner. Have hope, there is always next week. The submission has been copied exactly in it's original glory with all misspellings and errors in grammer intact.
It is rather long but I found it quite entertaining so kick back, light up a smoke, pull the tab off your beer and enjoy. If you are at work better pull those blinds or block off your cubicle. Your bosses might frown over that. And remember the name has been changed to protect the writers anonymity.
Dear Fuzzbox,
What a great Texan you are. An inspiration to all the young and old. I is so nice to see something funny and crative on the Internet these days. I was begging to think that the Internet was only used for spreading hatred and porn. I feel so honored to see a man using the Internet to place up pictures of women in domestic roles from the early 40's and 50's completely demeaning what womens liberation has tried to achieve all these years. I hope all young girls can look at your site and decide that the workplace is not for them.
Most writers when thay have a story really worth dealing do not need scantly cad women womento help tell but not you. You go for the less is more approach and place up these beautiful women in hopes that someone will read your story even when the pictures has absolutely nothing to do with the post. You are a strong proud man, with intelligence and creativity. Unlike other blogger's you've realized the power of the female body and realized that you can use that to get people to read your useless blog without having to writin anything meaningful.
Thats righ the fact that you have a pair of hair balls means that your special. It means you do not have to provide any kind of service but people should still come over and comment on your pretty little blog. It means your entitled to 20 to 40 comments each post even if someone doesn't like what useless story you try and tell.
No your not an Internet Whore. An Internet whore is someone that allows some guy to use her face as a toilet while a camera broadcasts the debauchery over the Internet. So no you're not an Internet Whore you are something far less than an Internet Wore. An Internet Wore would have some story about how she fell frome grace, mental illness or how she was raped as a child. I believe you suffer from severe stupidit, chronic geed, and terminal laziness, but these hardly qualify as mental illnesses.
If I were EVER pas you along in life and you were laying there dying of thirst I would not give you a drink of water. I would not piss in your month to save your life. I would let the vultures take you and do whatever they want with ya... with not ill regrets.
Sincerely,
Hate E-Mail Winner
THEY THINK MY BLOG IS PRETTY!!! :-)
28 comments:
Special Bulletin to Commenters: Go to Big D's blog http://westtexasrocks.blogspot.com/
for a hilarious send up of David Hasslehoff.
Your scantily CAD women, and your GEED are quite RIGH. But I think the visual imagery of your HAIR BALLS is my favorite.
"No your not an Internet Whore." <== should be "No, you're not an Internet Whore."
Don't you just hate grammatical and spelling errors in hate mail? Have the malevolent no pride?
I agree, the guy can't spell. I hate people who act all high and mighty but can't spell right.
I love your site and your pictures!
denny: You just have to love hate mail like that example, although I am hoping for more original use of curse words from the next winner.
jamie: I thank you and my hair balls thank you.
jim: In defense of the hater, they might have been so angered that they lost all faculties because it was quite an essay.
tina: Thanks for the show of support. I wonder how the hater found their way here. Perhaps they were looking for hate porn.
siren: In my case, I am probably incurble. Stupidt is as Stupidt does.
I think someone almost complelety copied shutup ed's how to write hate mail.
I can read your blog, enjoy the pictures, and not feel that my feminism is in any way compromised. It's called choice you dumb ass!
And yes, your blog is pretty.
big d: So the hater was not even an original. That's just sad.
laurie: The idea of you being a kept woman is a little far fetched. The idea of you having a happily kept man in the basement is a little more believable.
ann: Good to see that you are going to try again for next week. Just keep that colorful vocabulary going.
andie d: Thanks! I have seen many sites done by strong independent women who use a lot of the same illustrations as I. It is nice to know that a good deal of people don't find that sexist. Choice is important and it is up to every individual to ensure that our choices are not taken away.
fuxx, just know that I WOULD piss in your mouth to save your life!!!
ROFL, this person knows as much about the women's movement as I do about suntans (and I'm so pale my childhood nickname was casper).
if pin up art makes women want to be stay at home stepford wives, please explain to me why my apartment is covered in it, yet I still have a job, education, and a botfriend who does all domestic tasks?
Shouldn't I be wearing frilly dresses and popping out kids if pin up art was such an insideous evil?
That unoriginal bastard-if he needs spelling lessons, I will be pleased to give them to him. Lucky for me I have such an extensive education and vocabulary that I am capable of spelling and would be glad to teach the poor uneducated, stupid, nonspelling bastard some lessons, or at least give him a dick..tionary.
ben: Thanks and thanks for popping in. You are always welcome here.
dear jane: You always say the sweetest things.
ella: Thanks and at least Casper was the friendly one.
cd: Can you believe that crazy bastard but I thought it showed panache.
breezy: Tell the truth you checked cd's spelling didn't you?
master baiter: Your spelling was right on my man.
who is this dumb ass lol!
** would not piss in your month to save your life.
Would anyone ever be offended by that line? Cos who would even want this pea brain's water let alone his piss??
Keshi.
You mean you write stuff too? Cool, I just come here for the pictures.
Is an internet wore the past tense of an internet wear?
Your pictures DO seem relevant to the topics of your posts. Perhaps this is a not very observant reader with A LOT of time on his hands?
Also, I think you might want to see a doctor about those "hair balls" that, according to this reader, you are afflicted with.
keshi: The addition to the Sue Hawkes speech was an extra special bonus from the writer. Don't you think.
metal mark: The writing is strictly fluff. I can't believe that it is read at all. It's all about the pin-ups. At least it is internet wore and not internet wore out.
shay: Thanks. I do try to match the pic to the post. In fact on some slow days when I have bloggers block, it is the illustration that gives me inspiration for a story. Even if it just jogging my memory of a past event.
Aw man! I didn't know this was a contest or I wouldn't have used spell check. I just loved the consistency of the misspellings. As a poor speller myself, I am inspired that it can be done as such. I always misspell the same word many different ways. I guess I'm not as studied and intellectuals as the winning commenter. I shall aspire, though, I shall aspire...
What's wrong with your posts?
I added your page link to all my pages.
Sorry for the delay!
I would never piss in your month either...or your in your year. I have more respect for you than that.
I think your pics ALWAYS are relevant to the topic of your posts.
lol I was reading this letter again and found alot of grammar and spelling mistakes...that speaks for the frustration :)
Keshi.
ozy: Maybe next week but remember the old adage,' A mans dreams should exceed his grasp else what is left to dream.'
angel: I suppose the writer felt that it must be every bloggers duty to report earth shaking truths or the great American novel. Personnally my aim is much lower. Bullshitting is what I know best and so blugstuffing is my game.
tina: Thanks so much. And don't apoligize for the delay at all, I am quite the procrastinator myself. I live for the motto, 'Don't put off til tomorrow what you can put off til next week.'
phoenix: Thanks, I prefer cool summer showers not the golden variety in any month.
keshi: And I'm such a nice guy too. :-)
laurie: Occasionally I'm right. Even Angry Joyce admits that after a few drinks.
I may try to piss in your mouth, but I'd end up peeing all over your face. Would you mind? heh
Hey well, yeah that person's spelling kinda stood out to me like a white girl in Compton. But, who am I to judge?
I thought it was a woman, but everybody else says it was a man & I was so hoping you posted their email. Damn! I didnt' want to email them; I'm just nosey.
As for the pinups...I love em!
jane: I don't know if the writer was male or female. Reading between the lines, I feel like it was probably a male but there does seem to be some feminine touches in the correspondence. As the song says,'Boys will be girls and girls will be boys. It's a mixed shuffled up shook up world.'
Hey Fuzz! I love your contest idea. Hilarious. What a great hate mail. I'm glad you don't feel bad about the pissy comment. You would probably want a cold yellow drink anyway.
Hey Rocky! Great to see you back. Idn't Hate Mail Great. Thanks, I have been looking for a way to use the word idn't all day. A received an e-mail on redneck words. Idn't is described as a word used by cultured rednecks so they do not have to use ain't.
"I believe you suffer from severe stupidit, chronic geed, and terminal laziness,"
Severe stupidity? how can a blog encompass a person's intellect?
Chronic greed? blogs are not intended to turn a profit. unless, comments are how a blogger is paid. in which case, some one is jealous: "It means your entitled to 20 to 40 comments each post even if someone doesn't like what useless story you try and tell."
I sense a little hostility, someone wants more comments and is angery that you are getting comments.
terminal lazieness? I'm not going to discuss this one. At least the writer understands that these things "hardly qualify as mental illnesses."
You said my post was a little "idealist" (located in the comments of my post titled 'on the blog'). But I believe that your blog is the exact form of expression I was talking about. I believe this especially after reading the letter posted here.
keep up the good work. and write in volumes!
illimitable voices: Thanks for popping in and Thank you for your words although I think that you are giving this blog way too much credit. I hope that my comments did not rub you the wrong way. It is just my opinion that for the most part, blogs are not living up to the potentials of being a source of high minded discourse nor are many revealing any great truths and a great majority offer little sincerity. I am no different, although I try to add a certain homespun twisted humor that is truly part of who I am. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail miserably. But I try to always inject a piece of myself in everything I write. So I repeat to you that one can always hope for more and strive for better. I enjoyed your blog and will be back. And might I add that each person on my blog roll and those bloggers that I share comments back and forth with, as diverse a group as they may seem, have one thing in common by either their wit, charm, or sincerity are living proof of the potential of this mode of communication.
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