Thursday, August 02, 2007

So You Want To Be The Next President


It is no wonder that Americans don't vote worth a shit. It lasts so damn long and we as a nation have a collective attention span of a one handed on-line porn junkie with the mantra, "Screw all the filler and just get to the good stuff." That and there are only three or four assholes with a meager shot at the big prize. The electoral college is a freakin' joke and no one except Poli-Sci grads and poli-geeks understands it anyway.

Therefore, I have a proposal. The next election should be set up like American Idol. There should be three judges who will canvass the entire nation and hold auditions. The contestants should meet the constitutional requirements ( 35 years old, born an American, no felony convictions, and at least a GED). If you meet the requirements then by God you get your shot.

The three judges should be fashioned somewhat like Idol as well. There should be one asshole that hates damn near everybody and is quick to call someone on the horseshit that they are dishing out. There should be some drunk chick that loves everybody and leaves them feeling good. There should be some guy who talks shit that no one can understand. I have the three judges in mind that would be a diverse segment of the nation. I would make a damn good asshole. I'm thinking that Barbara Walters on a tequila bender would make an excellent job. And who would be better at being hard to understand than Snoop Dogg.

Okay now that we have the judges, I need to set up a few more guidelines. None of the contestants can give their party name or say whether they are conservative or liberal. They must only give their position on subjects. During the final phase when there are only twelve contestants left a subject will be picked for them and they must discuss that subject and only that subject.

The audience will vote by call in method just like Idol and every week one of the contestants are voted off until only one is left. The winner gets to pick his VP since no one seems to give a flying fuck who the VP is anyway.

WTF it can't be any worse than the way it is now. Look at the last two jerkoffs that we have elected.

12 comments:

Keshi said...

lol thats a neat idea!! Wud Simon Cowell be allowed to judge? :)

Keshi.

Pixie said...

LOL I like that idea, of course I cannot vote at all but I would be with you in spirit ;)

Ol' Lady said...

Shit I'm in Canada and I just love your idea...since we follow everything that Uncle Sam's country does I guess that's what we will do too...
Dam it's good to have you back...all the wisdom is great :)

:P fuzzbox said...

keshi: Nope, he's a furrener.

pixie: Glad you like it.

ol' lady: It could lead to a better democracy for all.

Green Eyes said...

ROFLMAO, most scary to me is you might just have a brilliant idea there, Fuzz!

Glad to see you back!

David Amulet said...

I think it would be more fun to have an obstacle course. Sure, we'll include some stuff about the world and policy ... but most of it should be hurdles and rope swings.

-- david

Bruce said...

After seeing that fucking asshat George Allen show his true colors in that insidious senate race we had here in VA, I remembered why I hate, and I mean really hate, all politicians. They can burn in Hell, for all I care.

Lolly said...

Sounds good to me.

:P fuzzbox said...

green eyes: Thanks, glad you like it. Sometimes my brilliance amazes even me. ;)

david: How about a blindfolded rake race?

bruce: That's the beauty of my plan. It could be open to everyone not just professional politicians. I would love to nominate some Joe Schmo from Kokomo. It would fucking rule.

lolly: Thanks darlin'.

Bella said...

yo yo yo dawg, that's a good idea :)

Tys on Ice said...

If only we cud do elections the American Idol way in India....great Idea, you shud run with this, who knows? ..and we get to vote via sms and fone calls...

:P fuzzbox said...

bella: Thanks!!!

tys: Instant messaging would be easier to tabulate.