Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Re-Run City


I seem to be enjoying a trip down memory lane this week so what the hell. Here is a re-posting of a story that I did on November 9, 2005. I am sure the aroma of the post hasn't changed a bit.


Campfire Cooking

This weekend while browsing in Target, I saw a handy dandy kitchen appliance; an electric tabletop barbeque grill from Crockpot, that can hold three racks of ribs. Although it is against my religion to call anything cooked indoors barbeque, this looked handy for those times when the West Texas wind is barreling across the plains or the occasional hard rain, although I have carted the pit under the car port in times of need. To prove my dedication, I have even barbeque during a tornado watch patiently watching my smoking pit as the neighbors scurried for the storm cellars. When the all clear signal went up, I was taking up my ribs as the heads of the neighbors peeked from the ground like a bunch of mullet headed snake charming gophers.

Living in Redneck America, the fine art of the barbeque is not only a prerequisite but an intuitive thing ingrained in the womb. I consider myself a fair hand at cooking anything that doesn't dodge bullet or bumper but I generally do not do much in the area of cooking in a dutch oven except for a cobbler or chili, but once I had a hand in producing one of the most dangerous pot of beans known to man.A group of friends and myself decided to have a kegger/cookout about 20 miles from civilization out in BFE. After the meal had been devoured and buckets of beer had been drank, the only two left standing were Charlie and myself.

We were both night owls with a renowned prowess in the drinking arena. When the first light of false dawn arrived, we felt the inevitable hunger pangs associated with any all night drinking binge. Upon searching the campsite, we discovered that the only foodstuffs were some dried out tortillas and about two pounds of beans left out by the fire.The crusted over beans more closely resembled a dried out creek bed than anything edible. Therefore we doctored it up by pouring in a generous amount of Budweiser from the keg and put the pot back on the fire. We also figured that anything that crusty had to have lost much of it's taste so we added a copious amount of salt. As the sun peaked over the horizon, the pot was bubbling with an eery intensity.

These beans were fantastical. Not only were they crazy tasty but they produced intestinal gas that is legendary to all the other campers/victims that arose to the stench wafting through the West Texas Plains. I have not ate any dish since that created in my digestive system such a lethal and toxic flatulence. The lasting power, volume, and stench of the malodorous emanations were an incredible once in a lifetime achievement. Beans anyone?

9 comments:

jane said...

hahaha I bet you 2 were laughing your asses off! I'm glad you didn't starve out there. ;)

Keshi said...

Is Texas anywhere close to Sydney...LOL I HOPE NOT!

Keshi.

angel, jr. said...

Now I want barbeque!!
And I want beans, corn on the cob and some cornbread.
I also want some ice tea with slices of lemon.

ozymandiaz said...

you are truly a class act Fuzz.

The Phoenix said...

behold the power of beer beans

Lolly said...

I'm fixin' to head home and barbeque some chicken and sausage on the grill tonight, myself.
I haven't been to BFE in awhile, but I'll look for you next time I'm there.

Big Pissy said...

We ate at a barbeque place tonight! *LOL*

:P fuzzbox said...

jane: A country boy will survive.

keshi: Don't worry the smell won't carry that far.

angel, jr: Nothing like a big ol' glass of ice tea.

ozy: Thanks!!!

:P fuzzbox said...

phoenix: It's good to see you out and about!!!

lolly: I'll be expecting you.

pissy: Hope it was good.